Pain Isn’t a Legacy: Past Trauma Shouldn’t Define Your Actions

I doubt if there is anyone who has never been hurt by someone else. It's very easy to pass on the hurt inflicted on you by others in the past to people around you currently, but it's also important that you don't let your past pain control your life.

On the other hand, letting go of a trauma is not really easy, but it is worth fighting to put an end to transferring the pains to others. Think about having a cut that refuses to go away; the pain will remain in us and make us uncomfortable each day. The same thing is applicable to bearing a hurt for a long time; we ourselves will keep feeling the pain as long as we keep harboring the hurt within and transferring it to others. And how does it help anyone?

However, the question for the prompt says, "People that hurt others due to their past trauma, a kind of transfer of aggression, can they be held accountable for it, and can such an act be forgiven?" You know, I listened to a real-life story of one woman via YouTube early this year. I can't remember her full name, but she was sharing her past with her fellow women. According to her, she felt pain growing up as a young girl. She watched her parents always fight and exchange harsh words with each other and even call her; their daughter, names. Her upbringing was very unpleasant and in a very toxic environment. She knew no joy but pain, terrible beatings from a little mistake. Imagine when her parents are toxic; can they show love to their daughter? It's impossible.

At a point, she got used to the pains and felt they were normal. Fast Forward to when she got married with her new family: her husband received unbearable pains he knows nothing about starting from the first day of their living together. The woman said there was nothing like a honeymoon for them, but rather picks a fight in virtually everything the man says. It's really surprising to me how she began such madness on her first night with her husband, and I couldn't help but think of the manner of hurt she has lived with for years and now easily transfer to those around her. Two weeks into their marriage, the husband was always crying daily, pleading with her to give him peace at home. To the woman, she did nothing but thought it was a way of life, as she was raised.

It took many months for her to heal from such past hurt. She met therapists, especially when she realized that she has been causing pain to her husband due to her past hurt. In her case, she acknowledged her challenges and worked to put an end to them instead of spreading pains to others intentionally. Her case can be forgiven, but you see those people who deliberately transfer their trauma to others to have a taste of their pains too; they should be held accountable for it.

I will conclude by saying that we shouldn't allow the pain of our past to determine how we treat others going forward. Remember, you are responsible for your actions; in most cases, the law wouldn't ask you if you were hurt in the past or not. I will rather choose healing and work on it rather than spreading pain to innocent people around me, and I hope others choose healing too.

This is my response to the #Hive Learners community contest on the topic titled, "Circle of Pain."

Images were taken from canva