Navigating the Pressures: A Woman's Journey and Decision Amidst Society's Expectations for Another Child
I have learned to accept and appreciate who I am, do away with societal pressures, and focus on my life journey. The pressures in the society in which we find ourselves are many and could be a distraction if we fail to set some standards but conform to the expectations of others.
Many times, we find ourselves being pushed to do things we don't like or have an interest in, but I wouldn't dispute the fact that some of these pressures appear positive sometimes. It could be a positive push to do things rightly or perhaps try new things, but most things are wrong, hence the need for us to maintain a standard that works fine for us and not bend to pressures.
One of the societal pressures I am facing currently is the pressure of giving birth to another child, preferably a baby girl. Now, sit back. Let me tell you a few things about African mentality:
Firstly, if you are married without a child, it's a problem. The kind of pressure you may receive from both in-laws and unsupportive friends can send you to an early grave, and that's one. Secondly, if you give birth to only baby girls, they will drive you crazy and pressurize you to give birth to a boy so that the family lineage will not close. All these pressures act as if they can create a living being, not to mention choosing a gender. Now that I have only had children, surprisingly, I have been receiving unexpected pressures from both families and friends over another child and that I should better plan for a baby girl either. Some of these people gave me instances of why a baby girl is important in my life, like the person to take care of me more during my old age or a daughter to bond more with since boys are always busy. Like seriously? That's really a weird kind of suggestion.
This pressure didn't start at this stage in my life as a married woman. After my first child, I stayed for more than 2 years before conceiving again, and trust me, those periods of intentional waiting for my body system to receive adequate tissue regeneration became an opportunity for family and friends to give me unnecessary pressure. "Nkem, what's happening? Are you having difficulty getting pregnant again? Your first son has grown. What are you and your husband waiting for? Are you people spacing children like the olden days parents?" And many more weird questions. Why all the pressure? I think its really uncalled for. It's my private life, but then people want to give their opinion irrespective of how I feel or think about the whole thing.
Overall, I received lots of pressure over the way I spaced my kids. I gave them all a 3-year age difference, and it was intentional but became unnecessary pressure from society.
As much as I wanted to give birth to a baby girl and it didn't happen, I am grateful for my boys, and I hope to stop receiving the pressure of having another child on the quest for a girl child.
What if I try and end up having another boy child? Aside from that, the economy in which we find ourselves today demands that everyone become intentional with their decisions. I wouldn't allow anyone to put me under unnecessary pressure when they won't be there to take responsibility on my behalf.
In a nutshell, how I manage to combat this kind of pressure is by simply letting the people who are pressuring me know that I have some set standards I follow and saying no to their suggestions, like I mean it. At the end, I shouldn't live up to the expectations of society but to mine.
Thanks for reading through.
Posted Using InLeo Alpha
I can understand you vividly. My wife and I discussed this topic yesterday. People were asking to do quick and give a younger sibling to our son as if they will take responsibility. One needs to be intentional in his decisions. You look good with your handsome sons. Cheers!!!
Yea...being intentional with our decisions is vital otherwise we can easily succumb to these pressures
You have three beautiful kids already, but that one no do them. The funny thing is that, all these people who are clamouring for you to have another kid, if you ask them for assistance to pay school fees, the way they will ghost you when. Ordinary to buy diaper, they won't help you. They know how to give advice, but they can't render any help.
Omo... Just do your thing Jare... Don't let anyone pressure you biko.
Lol, they are professional advice..so when you give on to their pressure, you are on your own
No pressure here
One step at a time
https://inleo.io/threads/nkemakonam89/re-nkemakonam89-kkpfzjcb
The rewards earned on this comment will go directly to the people ( nkemakonam89 ) sharing the post on LeoThreads,LikeTu,dBuzz.
Nkem believe me when I say I totally understand how you feel and how this goes. Many might not really understand but as a fellow Nigerian I had a first hand experience of this despite not being married yet.
My mum gave birth to three boys exactly like you did and I happen to be the second child. Before she gave birth to my junior brother she received a lot of criticism from my father's family because they believe two children wasn't enough. They even threatened to force my dad to marry another wife. My mum eventually gave birth to my younger brother and we thought the war was over yet they came again asking my mum to give birth to a female child that will take care of my dad when he is old just exactly like you said.
By that time I have already grown and I was so pissed that I even got into quarrel with some of them but my mum always shut me up and asked me not get involved, she believes it is not my fight.
My mum eventually gave birth to a girl on her first try which happens to be a miracle according to the doctors. The baby girl is our last born now.
Do you know the weirdest part, only few of my dad relatives came for the naming ceremony and ever since then I can't remember seeing anyone of them around.
The greatest luck my mum had during those days was that she had the support and backing of my dad, he kept calming her down but even with that those people were relentless in their endeavours.
The truth is there is nothing on earth you can do to satisfy humans they will always ask for more.
So upon all the pressure they were giving your mom they couldn’t even show up to your sisters naming ceremony.
People can be something else. It is well.
Yeah they are and that is human beings for you.
Hehehe, imagine they couldn't show up for the naming ceremony after the whole pressure not to talk of taking a part of financial responsibility in raising the child. The pressure is real and we should know who we listen to .
It's a pity , yet it still happens
Thanks for great contribution as usual 🤗👍😇
It was very funny how they were do fixated on the matter but we're not capable of offering any support.
But nkem do you have some kind of superpower because I know raising children is not easy especially if they are boys(not just one or two but three boys) and yet you are still able to perform extraordinary on hive. Pls show me the way 😂😂😂
Haha 😆😆😂
Which super power,is grace oo 😂😂😂
Lmao 🤣😂
Good morning bro
!BBH
@emrysjobber! Your Content Is Awesome so I just sent 1 $BBH (Bitcoin Backed Hive) to your account on behalf of @nkemakonam89. (1/5)
Ha!
Why should someone’s marriage be another persons problem. I totally understand you and I feel your pain. Not having a girl child doesn’t make you less of a woman. It’s God that gives children so just don’t mind those talking because they don’t feed you and your family.
Just be happy with the kids you have and your husband. If God wills for you to have a baby girl, so shall it be.
Sending love to you and your family.❤️
And I just grabbed the love you sent 🤗
Thanks for sharing your thoughts on this.. it's how we see things here , just applying wisdom dealing with the pressure
Everything will be fine. Forget the haters.😅
Haa.. Such a pressure can be frustrating and I'm m not sure I would have known what to do if I was in this case.
If only we had the opportunity to pick what gender we want to give birth to isn't it? I believe it would have been better that way, but they should understand that you're not God !.
Of course we are not God but fellow human beings make us looks like God who can decide what we want, lolz
If you find yourself in this case.. you must definitely find an answer to them
I know how to ignore very well, I'm very good at that😁
You don't even know how people react when I response to their question about having another baby , preferably boy.
No ,I am done.
They always stare at me as if I was joking
Haha
Nice reply dealing with the pressure
My aunt had three girls, no boy and she couldn't stop thinking as people and her families kept pressuring her about it until she gave birth to a boy. Now, we don't see the people who kept asking for a boy as if they have one big deal to give if she does 😏
I've not experienced this kind of pressure but I've had some kind of pressure that makes me think, they don't even hold water near how I decide to live my life.
If you can't render help, why give advice at all? Momma, please do your thing and watch our boys grow to take very good care of you 😊
Haha..no big deal oo...but trust some humans not to mind their business lol
Yea, some pressure no hold water na just to stand my ground they go
If you marry no child, problem from people can make you commit suicide🤷
If you born boys, wahala promax🙆
If you give birth to only girls, story for another day🤔
If you have one child, they won't let you rest😱
What on earth can we do please people? That's why,I have learnt how to please and satisfy myself.
Well-done beautiful momma with cute sons❤️❤️
Hugs🤗
Haha 😆😆 the
Wahala promax everywhere
It's difficult to please human.. just do what you feel is right for u
Exactly!
Society will always find something to complain about, and if one is not careful enough might make a decision that did not end well and by then, those people putting the pressure will be nowhere to be found.
I do not see any difference between a boy and a girl child, what is important is that we can afford to give them adequate training and upbringing.
Please take good care of yourself ma, and your amazing boys, those pressuring you should take chill pills.
I have given them chill pills to take
No pressure
Working at my pace as a parent
Loads of responsibility..no need succumbing to pressures
Thanks for reading my dear
!PIZZA
I believe in you ma, !luv
nkemakonam89, funshee sent you LUV. 🙂 (3/4) tools | trade | connect | daily
Made with LUV by crrdlx.
I truly understand the post so much, I think everyone is pressured one way or the other, an unmarried person is pressured to get married, a poor person is pressured to get married by all means, and one who has a house is pressured to buy a car, one who has a car is pressured to buy another and it goes on like that.
It's about knowing what we want for ourselves and standing our ground. I enjoyed reading this.
Yes my darling
Knowing what we want and standing out ground is very important amidst all pressures
I really appreciate your contribution
!LUV
amiegeoffrey, nkemakonam89 sent you LUV. 🙂 (1/4) tools | trade | connect | daily
Made with LUV by crrdlx.
You're welcome.
Oh wow,your boys had my attention for sometime.They are really handsome,please say hi to the second one for me🙈
Ahaaa now you can have my attention. I think I’ve grown to understand never to succumb to societal pressure.
My mom had two boys and myself even with that she was told to give me a little sister because I have nobody to play with .(Me? When did I even tell them that😂)
My mom tried and got pregnant but lost that baby right after delivery and guess what ?she dealt with the trauma alone. I was a kid but I saw all that happened.
Thank God nothing happened to her.
I have a friend who says she isn’t ready to give birth now so anytime someone asks her when she’ll give birth she playfully also asks them when they’ll die so she’ll reincarnate them through her pregnancy 😂😂
Haha 😆😆😂, that your friend got me laughing out loud with her response...what an answer.
Lolz
Awww, my second son? See my upcoming in-law oo 😌🤗...
Sorry to hear about your mum's societal pressure story and the outcome...I wish the baby lived but it's well
Societal pressure is much but we gonna stand out ground not succumbing to any unnecessary pressure
Yes ma🙈
Upcoming in law🥰
$PIZZA slices delivered:
@nkemakonam89(1/5) tipped @funshee