Choosing Release Over Resentment

The consciousness that something really needs to let go of me is already a positive step to having a better year. People talk about new goals, plans, visions, and the like at the beginning of a new year like this, but then, I also had some things I promised myself at the beginning of the year that I should drop because obviously growth doesn't always come from what we keep chasing after but what we release at times because letting go definitely creates a space for better growth; it could also create space for peace depending on what I am willing to release for a better year.

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You see emotional baggage? It's on one of my top lists of the things I have decided to release this year. It's been a weight, and I feel I should lay it aside to run a better race in this fresh year. The emotional baggage I am talking about is the type that comes from reviewing past issues in my head. Something happened, and by God's grace, we talked about it and sorted out our differences, and I said, "I forgive you." At times I see myself deliberating on how a loved one really hurt me, and I will start feeling pained afresh.

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Indeed, it's painful to be betrayed by your loved ones, but time should heal, right? But in my case sometimes anyway, I will replay in my mind how my loved one hurt me badly; the wound comes afresh again, and I will start dealing with emotional pains, dealing with the betrayal and all of that.

I once considered meeting a therapist to help me discard this type of baggage, but on deeper thought, I realized it's something I can actually help myself scale through. It's a thing of the mind, and obviously I am holding myself back by intentionally analyzing the gravity of the past hurt. You know the popular saying that we can forgive but can't forget. That is true, but we can still work on our mind to NOT allow past hurt to define our present living.

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If there was a way I could stop people from hurting me, then I would have done that a long time ago, but it's not possible because I can't control anyone but only myself. When I decide to love anyone, I love totally and without reservation, and feeling betrayed by the one I love hurts so deeply, but in all, I can't expect anyone to be a saint. As long as we keep socializing as humans, these things are bound to happen; hence, it will make more sense that I let go completely of every emotional baggage and be more happy with life and its challenges.

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The more I keep going to God more closely, the more God keeps teaching me to live rightly. That's my experience recently, and I love this character remolding I have been experiencing recently.

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So this year, I am saying no to holding on to misunderstandings, no to replaying old issues with friends and loved ones, and more importantly, I am also releasing the habit of trying to explain myself to some people who, for some reasons best known to themselves, already believe what they want to believe about me. Enough of being at someone's mercy; I will rather stand my ground with dignity and without losing myself. It's wisdom, not pride, and yes, I am learning to apply that for a better year and a healthier relationship with others.

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This post is in response to the ladies of Hive community contest #271. Click here to join in.

Images are mine