Apology Dilemma

Growing up, my mother taught me to always seek peace, and that entails apologizing for virtually everything just to calm a raging storm.

But then I grew up as an adult and realized that I don't really have to apologize for everything. However, I understand mom; she always loves to seek peace and tends to over apologize in situations that she is not even supposed to. My dad married two wives, and as a child back then, I watched my mom apologize to her co-wife even when she stepped on her toes just for peace to reign at home. She tried bringing me up that way, and sincerely, it took me time to realize when to apologize and when an apology isn't necessary.

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There's no doubt that apologizing shows that you are willing to make amends and that it shows empathy as well, but I think it's not just appropriate to apologize when you haven't done or said anything wrong.

One's culture, his or her upbringing, emotional maturity, and personality are factors that I think influence our way of dealing with humans. Just like me, the kind of upbringing I received made me believe that I should always apologize, even when I am not at fault. It's indeed a common act by so many people in order to avoid unnecessary drama. I am already used to apologizing to people, despite the fact that I have been teased several times by my friends about why I apologize even when it's not needed. I once received the question, "Can't you attach value to yourself? Why the unnecessary I am sorry always"?..

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In my marriage, I got that A1, always apologizing even when my husband was at fault. No wonder this statement I heard one time ago: "women tend to apologize more than men". Naturally, we are seen as peacemakers at home. My sister-in-law will always remind me that I am the one who will bring peace to my home, even when my husband derails. All these factors made me always seek peace, but at some point, I realized that I shouldn't always do that when it is not necessary. Recently, my husband offended me, and unlike me, I didn't apologize when he was keeping malice on top of being at fault; rather, I got him to really think deeply into his actions and do the needful. Surprisenly, he apologized instead.

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Let's dive properly into the scenario in which I will choose not to apologize for something I said or did.

I have seen some families where the woman swallows up all the rubbish in her home for the sake of the kids; to still keep her marriage and maintain peace. That's not bad depending on the situation; however, I know of a home where the man and the woman had issues, and suddenly the man started committing infidelity to the point of bringing in another woman into their matrimonial home and even commanding the wife to leave her matrimonial bed for the strange woman. The wife didn't say a word to the strange woman, but rather confronted her husband, and they later separated from the marriage for two years before reconciliation.

Now, if I should face a similar situation, I will act and say words without an apology because:

• A marriage contract does not involve bringing another woman to my matrimonial home.

• The man stepped out of his boundaries and toiled with my feelings.

• It's a disrespectful act and the least of what I can take.

• There are better ways to handle such issues without going to that extreme.

In summary, I wouldn't keep quiet in such a case for peace to reign; it doesn't make me an unwise person either, if I actually know my fundamental rights. Hence, I will react and express how I feel about such a scenario without an apology.

This is my response to the Dreemport challenge and Thinkers Corner prompt for this week, hosted by @kenechukwu97. Find the prompt link here.

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