The Two Cents Theory

_{Sitting in my Drafts folder since in 2022. Now being released because of the latest prompt on Ladies of Hive.}

 
My dad shared many a cool perspective and life lesson with me as a child but the two that stuck with me most (there are actually three, but that’s another story), are his “Two Cents Theory” and his perspective on truth.

These days, we’re often told by so-called experts that “black or white” thinking is unhealthy and destructive to our mental health and relationships. Yeah… in some ways perhaps. But in others, I’ve personally found the polar opposite to be "true".

“It’s either a lie or it isn’t.” My dad would tell me. “There’s no grey area when it comes to the truth.”

While I’ve realised truth can be mutable and depends on knowledge and understanding, as much as denial and fear sometimes, I also know this statement he repeatedly repeated is totally spot on.

I mean... even if we lie to ourselves the deepest recesses of our mind and “shadow self” knows it. And it doesn’t work out so well for anyone involved.

So, it goes to follow, honesty is my first and most important principle these days. Every other principle seems to stem from this one alone, in fact. For me. Of course. I’ve had to walk it (and my own path) to figure out what the “truth” is experientially. For myself.

But this story is more about my dad’s Two Cents Theory.

The Two Cents Theory

 
One day I was at a till with my dad, in a small cafe, as he was paying for some shopping. As he was taking change from the cashier he turned to me, handed me a 2c coin and told me to put it into a donation tin on the counter. You know those small tins left on shop counters for donations of spare change?

Yeah - one like that.

I can’t remember which charity the tin was for but I do remember standing there with the two cent coin in my hand and looking at the tin in front of me that seemed very, very small. After studying it for less than a minute, I looked up at him and said, “It’s not very much. It’s not going to make much difference.”

Or something like that.

I can’t remember the exact statement… just the sense of it being a very small amount to add to the very small donation tin and feeling as though it wasn’t even worth the effort because the cause, and need for donations, was so very, very big.

My dad just smiled and said, “Well if everyone put their two cents into the tin, the [whatever charity it was] would have a lot of money to help out.”

A sound theory and I’ve walked it my entire life. Because this is, in fact, a theory and not a hypothesis.

It also makes absolute sense.

Our society is fractured.

We’re traumatized. And we’re suspicious and distrustful because of this.
 

I'll say it yet again... an inability to trust is actually a symptom of trauma - interesting, huh?

 
And we’re frightened or often too numbed out to even notice it anymore.

We're often pessimistic or dissociated enough to completely ignore the hard stuff these days. And a lot of us are pretty stressed out, anxious or depressed some days as well. Or we use mind and mood altering behaviours and substances to avoid those feelings too.
 

You think you don't have an "addiction"? How's the sugar intake, serial dating, binge watching netflix, where's the next party/festival/social event, two glasses of wine at dinner time to unwind, these are prescription meds, gaming, incessant physical training, endless scrolling on social media, "clean eating" or shopping thing panning out for your personal health and progress?

 

Show me someone without any addictive behaviours and I'll give you a dollar.

It's 2022 and we're still too scared to talk about this particular elephant. Is it because we've been told people who suffer with these reactions and behaviours are "mentally ill", perhaps? Or "diseased"? How about "disordered"? And we've been led to believe there's something inherently "wrong" with them because of this?

Well... what if there's nothing "wrong" with any of us?

There's nothing "wrong" with any of us!

Can we suspend the fear and judgement now and chat about how we can maybe make things better, please?

I do service as a part of my journey now to stay balanced and healthy. And because I was taught (as you can see above) that it's "the right thing" to do.

Since I have experience in recovery for addiction and mental health, and work as a recovery coach, a lot of what I create and share is about holistic health and balance.

Do you want to know how I found my own health and balance in full, despite my external circumstances still being pretty (supposedly) stressful and challenging? well, it all began with some honesty, the courage to ask some hard questions and enough open-mindedness to have some tough conversations to find out more.

And if I'd been too frightened or unwilling to embrace, observe, discuss and consider some very uncomfortable topics...

I would never have healed at all.

Because everything that was making and keeping me "sick" was simply a struggle between my internal true "self" and the environment around me.

Really... it was what is referred to as "cognitive dissonance" that was causing my (so-called) "insanity" for years. And it was learning to "see", sit with and accept things as they truly are (both my own psyche/shadow and my external surroundings)... that led me to complete freedom from "addiction" and from "anxiety and depression" that was so bad, at one point, I was almost mis-diagnosed as BiPolar.

This is not my work.

I'm not some mad genius who's discovered a miracle cure for addiction and whatever mental health challenges whatever.

This is the work of the original great minds in the arena of proper psycho-analysis... that has largely been forgotten by an industry that has become more concerned with profit than with healing people.

But sharing more of my own learning is part of my service. And it is a part of my recovery! In fact, I'd strongly suggest anybody commits to one hour of service/volunteering a week for their own personal growth and good mental health. And commits to being there despite anything or any way they may be feeling for that hour.

One would have to try this for a couple of months to experience the benefits for themselves. ^{Yes. you benefit from doing service in the most remarkable way. It's a win/win.}

_{Please just make sure you only do one hour a week ^{to avoid codependency issues} and only with a charity that won't trigger you. I, for example, can't work with kids or animals. Tried both and I fell apart.}

On Soul, Character and Calling: A Conversation with James Hillman

By Scott London

 

Hillman: I'm not critical of the people who do psychotherapy. The therapists in the trenches have to face an awful lot of the social, political, and economic failures of capitalism. They have to take care of all the rejects and failures. They are sincere and work hard with very little credit, and the HMOs and the pharmaceutical companies and insurance companies are trying to wipe them out. So certainly I am not attacking them. I am attacking the theories of psychotherapy. You don't attack the grunts of Vietnam; you blame the theory behind the war. Nobody who fought in that war was at fault. It was the war itself that was at fault. It's the same thing with psychotherapy. It makes every problem a subjective, inner problem. And that's not where the problems come from. They come from the environment, the cities, the economy, the racism. They come from architecture, school systems, capitalism, exploitation. They come from many places that psychotherapy does not address. Psychotherapy theory turns it all on you: you are the one who is wrong. What I'm trying to say is that, if a kid is having trouble or is discouraged, the problem is not just inside the kid; it's also in the system, the society.

London: You can't fix the person without fixing the society.

Hillman: I don't think so. But I don't think anything changes until ideas change.

 

You can read the rest of the interview with this marvelous mind in the field of psychology, James Hillman, here.

Gawds I miss my dad. He taught me many a great thing about many a different perspective. Here's a bit more about his talk, when I came of age, on The Power of the P*ssy. ^😆

Yeah... You either loved or hated my dad. There didn't seem to be much middle ground with him at all. He may have been the greatest father and the worst both. At different times and in different ways. Only human after all.

But one thing he most certainly always was...

was an unapologetically individual, individual. ^❤️

And that really is the greatest thing he ever taught me to do or be...

without even saying a thing.
 

My Step-Mom during budgeting after he'd lost everything he'd worked so hard to build: "Maybe we should have learned to do this sooner."

My Dad's reply: "Yeah but what a f*ckin' ride!"

“You change the world by being yourself.”

_{Yoko Ono}

_{UR already Perfect
Providing free information on living harmoniously as an individual in a rapidly changing world.}

_{Featured Montage created photos by lauren lulu taylor on Unsplash and Photo by Pixabay. Edited with GIMP. Gifs created with EZGif and YouCut.}