A Little Bit Deeper
So as you prolly know, or not, I've stopped smoking cigarettes.
It's been bizarrely easy to do this time and something has shifted. Something... as in before I had to stop smoking but this time I want to stop smoking.
I think when a person wants something different, something different is easier to achieve.
But any addictive substance or behaviour comes with a whole ton of unconscious associations (often clever marketing by unscrupulous and dastardly clever advertisers) that sneaky sneaks up on you unexpectedly.
Original image source
So here's something else you maybe didn't know about me (yet)...
I have a Padi Open Water One licence and I'm nuts about being under the sea.
Yet I'm shitscared of the ocean.
Talk about duality, huh?
In fact, I'd never even have known this about myself if I hadn't met a rather sexy French boy, with a rather mindblowingly enormous dick sorry boys, girls also lie, size does matter😬, while I was backpacking through Spain during my twenties, once-upon-a life-ago.
Pierre also left me with a not so mind-blowing case of herpes, by the way.
Ah... good old STD's.
More shit we humans love to judge and whisper about but hardly worth the attention since they're so common, really.
I've never passed it on to anyone. I, (of course and so should you) let potential partners know before hand. Always did. It's the right thing to do y'know. And since forever and an almost day now I always do blood tests all round before the fun and games in the bedroom begin. Lesson learned the rough and backpacking solo in Spain for the summer way.
And again so it should y'all. Really. It's 2023, we know better and it's not worth having to whisper about. Also...
if you're my son or my daughter please use a full-body condom.
Not really. Sex is awesome! Have fun, stay safe and rather don't jump into bed with strangers on the first or even 11th date! Okay?! Good, healthy things take time!😉
Also... stuff like Chlamydia has no symptoms and loads of folks are running around with and passing it on - irresponsibly. Just take care of yourselves, please. ❤️
But seriously... STDs do abound and so do unwanted other kids so let's also shift some other perspectives while I'm about this please.
Monogamy, loyalty, trustworthiness, responsibility and commitment are sexy as hell. But it's better to stay single and endure a night or two of lonliness until you find
True Loveyourself.
But back then I was young, foolish and I also thought I was invincible and would live forever.
"You're dying" the voices whisper.
"We're all dying," I smile back. "It's just that some of us remember it in order to fully live."
But back then I was young and I also thought I was invincible and would live forever.
Which is why I ended up driving off a boat one morning, off the coast of Javea, after an all-night Ecstasy and other because well you know... Pierre and his enormous dick fest, with no scuba diving training.
And how I spontaneously learned that under-the-sea was my preferred natural habitat.
It's quiet down there. Time slows down.
And it feels like you're flying.
Enough said.
And so it came to be that I received a Padi Open One course from my first husband, for Christmans, after he heard the story. Minus the part about Pierre's enormous dick, of course
But honestly, I've always preferred freediving.
I mean... I'm into freedom and this is it - underwater. As close to naked as possible, please. That scuba equipment is heavy and a fucking hassle to lug around, you know. And cumbersome and unwieldy even underwater.
One of my biggest losses, while coming to terms with my lung situation, has been potentially losing this activity.
Still...
I'm of the school pun inteneded of thought that anything can be fixed. another story, post and conversation
And now I've taken one step towards doing that.
So, in line with keeping myself motivated, I've been cultivating my mental diet as well.
Please don't Judge me on my Netflix history right now. 😟
I've been keeping what I feed my brain simple and light, to counter the lack of Dopamine hits after quitting the smokes, as one of the tools I use for recovery.
And also as inspiration to keep on keeping on in between, of course! Nothing like a bit of motivation to keep on keeping on, is there?
So I started watching this the other night...
Hey?!
I mean... if anyone likes the ocean, is into adrenaline sports and wants to quit smoking...
then this is some motivation right here.
But what really struck me, while I was watching this, was a scene where she realises that she's stuck at a particular place in her training because she's trying too hard. And it's when she understands that she has to "relax", to progress, that she finally takes the gold!
It's just like that, innit?
You kinda know when you're on or in the right "way" because of how easy it all becomes. How things seem to flow so naturally.
So many incredible humans with so many marvelous skill and goals.
But I'll start small and simple and just take it a day at a time for now.
Wishing y'all an easy, peaceful Slow Flowin' Sunday,
Don't forget to Breathe... ❤️ 🐾
Hardened Dreamer
Mother
Peaceful Warrior
Determined Dancer
and Stargazer
still...
Beyond fear is freedom
And there is nothing to be afraid of.
To Life, with Love... and always for Truth!
Nicky Dee
Great news for quitting the fags!! I managed to write them finally when I wanted to not felt I had to. They are clever those people though, it is in your head when you do certain things. I can't get a bus because if I have to wait for longer all I feel like doing is reaching for the snouts!! 😀
Y'now?!
So sneaky sneaky, huh?!
Well done you quit the bastards.
I'm so relieved and happy about this one being gone! But now have to give up the chocolate 😬 OMGds it tastes good, huh? I see what all the fuss is about *nods
p.s. you're up and about after all that beer tasting. Must be 'cause it was the girly beer then
The girly beer has saved me from a wipeout day. Maybe I should convert to it if that is going to be the case.
I love chocolate, when I smoked I rarely are it but now. I horse it down!
Nice! And it still looks like you got a load of that girly beer down the hatch 🫵🏻
Hey?! Chocolate 👀 The food of the old gods fer sure! Beats smoking any day 💥
I did. I happen to write enjoy the girly beer 😀
That shit tastes divine :D Sugar full to the max!
And it comes in pretty colors too, sometimes.
The light green stuff is pretty good if I remember correctly 👍
You know... this comment came back while I was making my fourth cuppa.
Yes. I may have to change careers and my whole personality without those cigarettes. It's why I'm still avoiding being online so much, in fact.
It's pretty interesting to observe those cravings and why and when they come (and go), huh? :D
It is! Especially when you see something you did regularly which was entirely because of the the cigs
Now I'm dead curious because I can't think of any one thing...
They were my "break" come to think of it. Durjng my day. Yet I worked 12 plus hour days so no real actual breaks 🙃🤔
So bizarre, really. And irrational. So glad to end that particular downward spiral. Grim!
Happy Monday! 🌼
I remember in my last job having all my cig breaks. That was the glory of them. There was quite a wee social circle of us too that braved the weather to have them numerous times a day
Ah.... the huddle of social smokers in the wind and freezing cold!
Friendships made. Kindships formed. And secret love affairs begun.
Thank fuck I quit.
Warmer. Simpler. FAR less exensive.
I'm gettin' kinda chubby tho. I need to move more. And by this I don't mean my jaw! (nom nom)
Glad you stopped that shit too. How's the Yoga going? :D
There were many a love affair kindled out there! I think I might have had a couple start outside in the smoke in the big smoke! :O)
The yoga is still going. I stopped for a couple of weeks for some reason. Think it was the holidays so I was a bit stiff when I started back up. But I am bak on the Yogic wagon!
Wowza and holy moly!
You stuck with it, huh?! I am very, very splendidly impressed 👀
I just started again proper. Yes. To being a bit stiff 😬
And not in a good way
Keep it up! It's brilliant for everything. Especially the (not) smoking! ;)
No love affair is worth it. Call me cynical but fuck no!
I stuck with it indeed although I have not really progressed and instead sick with the wee routine I am doing which is really good for keeping you loose!
That's still really impressive.
Even more so 'cause you're a guy and guys can be really weird about stuff like Yoga! Like. The little lass has a good role model for sure :D
I'm sticking with it too but am building it up. Liddle bit at a time.
Have you tried Ashtanga yet? That was my big thing.
The full practice is almost 2 hours. Never once, in the over twenty years now, that I've practiced Ashtanga on and off...
have I ever completed the entire 90 min - 1.45 hour mission. In fact, the shit these guys pull of is ridiculous!
Still... I'm up for the challenge!
Currently only doing tiny bit as well :) But slow and steady wins everything.
I like to think I'm not your average guy 😀😀
Show and steady wins the race as always. I am taking it easy so that I don't end up doing something to myself and having to lay off it and never going back!
No you most certainly are not :)
Happy Monday, M (could it be Monday again already?!)
Kudos for quitting. I agree that when you really want to quit, you will. Doing it because you think you ought to never works out.
And happy birthday for this coming Friday. Celebrating birthdays is always such a positive milestone.
On Hive, there are a number of freedivers based in Cebu, Philippines and some amazing posts over the years.
@ybanzkim26 is the main man I believe.
Have a great week and enjoy the return of taste and smell :-)
Hello you :)
Thanks for the connecting and for the connection. Says 404? Maybe check that as would love to follow them, please.
I have avoided my birthday for some years. Thank you. My 50th was spent in a small, cold, single room at a Vipassana course! In winter! Honestly... it was the best thing I could've done looking back now.
I may celebrate a liddle this year :D
The smell not so much. The world stinks, huh?! 😟
The taste... well... *burp and I have started running a liddle bit and slowly. And yoga again. This is a gift, really. All of it! I totally forgot how amazing it is to move.
More dancing to follow (in fact I'm headed to my first class in some years this very evening :) )
Sending love, N. Thanks for sticking through the storm. <3
Sorry. Missed the 'e' ! @ybanezkim26
Thanks! :)
Hey, Nicky!
I am not exactly sure what to say. I'd like to say that I really loved reading this anyway, and that I took quite a deep breath afterwards. I loved that Flow Show by Nicky Evers. Kinda therapeutic.
It's joyful to see how much control you're exhibiting. Gives me strength to conquer my own demons.
Long time, and Sunday greetings!
Hey you. Love the new profile pic!
Thank you. If at first we don't succeed and all that. This one only took thirty years to get right! It's awesome to finally let it go...
Too long, my friend. I do hope you're well out there. You have my number if not.
Sending love and thanks for saying hello :D
What can I say, but yes, to finding the humourous side of not-so-laughable life lessons learned?
It's great that you're coping with quitting smoking, and your stance on the ocean is fascinating.
This was an interesting read 🤗
#SlowLivingSunday
Photo belongs to millycf1976. Manipulated in Canva.
Thanks, Milly :D
Hah! If we can't laugh at all of this then what?!
Loving quitting this time. Just loving it. Breathing is very underrated, y'know.
Sending love <3
Don Juan had good things to say about fighting smoking. He told Castaneda - don't give much importance to this habit, don't make the enemy very strong, quitting smoking is very easy - it's like snapping your fingers.
I have not smoked for 12 years, but sometimes I want to smoke with a clean sheet of tobacco (cigar), without any additives and drink a glass of cognac.
I like that perspective very much indeed!
In fact... when I stressed about the smoking and beat myself up about it, it only gave the attachment a greater attachment. Yesssss. 💥
Over the final weeks of cutting right down, I just thought "fuckit. I'm gonna smoke this one."
But I smoked "consciously".
And I began to put them out within a few drags as it turned out.
No guilt. And focusing on the action. And it sucks to be clear. Breathing that shit in. It also felt stupid, really. 🙄
And then... I just decided not to buy that single for the day. And it was easy. It's been easy. This time.
I have, however, done a LOT of work on the triggers. And these last few months especially. Going over past history and the connections. Which also sucks! But which does remove the desire to smoke.
Same same as the alcohol and drugs.
But I reckon it's all pretty much the same thing.
Craving
Nice to see you! :D <3
p.s. I hear you. I hope I get to the stage where smoking is like that for me. I suspect I won't in this lifetime so will just respectfully avoid it in full now. 👀
It’s funny, when I quit smoking 13 years ago, I found for a couple years afterward I got cravings in certain situations (mostly having coffee or alcohol with other people who were smoking), and just holding an unlit cigarette and occasionally putting it to my lips was enough to get me through the craving and keep me on the right side of quitting.
My wife also swore that she’d leave me if I broke my promise and didn’t quit (which was based on me saying that I wanted to quit), and she’s always true to her word, so I had that motivation as well to push me through random moments of weakness (that’s not the right word, but …).
In the end, though, I didn’t want to smoke anymore, and I think that’s what really made it possible.
Glad you’re finding your way forward.
Welcome to your own Prison!
You are fuckt both ways...what else would you do?
:D Your wife!
She's that on it, huh?
This is pretty much what it is. I was really unwell days and couldn't do the things I enjoy anymore. I was basically sleeping most of the day. Just getting through the rest of it. Exhausted.
The reality of possibly ending up bedridden for the last bit of the adventure was terrifying. And I still couldn't stop for some time. Enough to wake me the fuck up. Breathing is far better! 👀
I took a gap to stop again and it stuck this time. But I'm not going to mess with this one at all again.
I don't want to smoke anymore. I don't even want to hold one anymore. Cigarettes only have really negative connotations for me now. Very frightening drug! For me anyway. With the history I've had with it. (and my dad and brother - smokers. And my gran and aunt - smokers enough said)
I hope you're well darling human :) I'm busy rebuilding physically here and taking it slow. Always good to "see" you!
I'm gong to get a solid routine in place health wise, and get fit and healthy again and will then be around far more. In porgress and it's so good to move again. Slow to rebuild 😬 I think that's my age now so never again. Health first
Sending love for realsies and thanks for being you
Definitely don’t go getting yourself. bedridden. That wouldn’t be any fun.
Boring as all get out 👀
Not gonna happen thanks. Not even vaguely to be clear
On it :D 💥 👍
Well then, let's go diving. I'm an everything has its placer, too. = }
Oh?
Keen!
I'm busy rebuilding my health as we text. Brace yourself. Not sure I'll keep up with you yet, but still keen anyway!
Where are we headed?! :D
Funny you ask. I'm nowhere near my physical best right now either. Pretty bad shape actually. Far from diving.
The anticipation's the best part anyway.
Yeah. I just read. Geesh, guy. That sucks!
I'm also a bit of a wreck physically right now. So you're in safe company :/
I'm busy fixing myself up! Reckon at my age this is the last haul and want to be up and about, as much as possible, for the last bit of the experience :)
Happy to paddle around shallow waters as well. These days easy and peaceful is best.
Sorry but... fucking medical doctors. I hope they know what they're doing
That's it. I'm favoriting you whether you like it or not.
I like it :D
Congratulations. I should've said that the first time. I stopped smoking a couple times, too.
Dang! It's been at least 11 years since a smoked a cigarette or cigar. Had no idea it's been that long until now. Long time.
I fuckin love cigars, too! Damn things. I love that head change first thing in the am where I can hardly walk like chair! Stat! But then immediately following, I remember hating smoking.
It's SOoo prominent everywhere else though. England, EU, Middle East like fuck!! Every coffee joint, train station, bus stop, restaurant, footpath, it's just so common and acceptable, everyone's Suckin on a smoke. Stateside, you can hardly smoke a cigarette anywhere in public anymore.
Europe big time I guess. I blame the French 👍 (of course)
And the Middle East I guess it's a part of things going way back as well.
US? :) Hah1 Who knew so healthy over there? I mean minus the Big Macs!
Yes I hear you. Quick yurge to smoke and then as fast a major ugh now. Thank fuck! What a beast to tame. For me personally anyway. This one was real bad.
I will respectfully avoid it and all who smoke moving forward 👀
That bad 👆
Happy weekend though! :D
It's all for show.
We're a shop with our eyes culture so, although they prohibit smoking in public places to paint a healthy picture that's easy on the eyes, we're still the only country I've been to that offers unlimited refills on whatever you're drinking. Every where you go. Did you know that?
Here, all the shit sugar fully loaded sodas, they just keep filling up your cup. Coffee, too, whatever it is, pour it all down your face for the price of one cup stateside.
I'm thirsty.
I did not know that :)
I wonder what the dealio with that is - the endless cup. Perhaps they're hoping for more food sales as folks sit and sit and drink and drink. Perhaps Big Pharma pays for the fill ups so they can sell more Diabetes and heart medication!
I like that though. I'd hit a coffee shop and work from there. See more people. Get almost free coffee! Plus the interent is probably more reliable than out here in the sticks!
Your voice shifts when you write about the States. Why are you still there then? You sayrse "been to" as in visit - where from originally? 20 questions :D But I'm curious by nature so no need to reply if you'd prefer to stay mysetrious.
Hope you got some water down the hatch. I'm back on to water with fresh lemon juice squeezed in. In between the extra cups of coffee.
Of course
The devil you know, right?
I don't wanna get too deep cuz I just (as in just) made a note about I choose to be where I'm culturally understood. That should be a fun one. No where's that damn cover image? I think, not certain but maybe, maybe not but more than likely, other travelivers know what I mean by culturally understood.
We lived in 20 different countries between Jan 2018 and December, last year. By lived in, I mean stayed at for minimum 30 days. Went to some others in between but stayed at those ones less than 30 days.
If you sense disdain it's because I love it so much and, after seeing what we look like from the rest of the worlds perspective, we could do better. = }
Where are you? Where from? Catch me up—cliff notes style.
Eh... I've been watching the local Baboon troup's group dynamic and, quite frankly, I think humanity could do better at this juncture. The Baboons are (honestly) more socially healthy and adept.
Born in KwaZulu Natal. Ever since I was three years old in Cape Town.
Slowly sinking with the unmaintained infrastructure and rising crime rate.
Talked about leaving for safer pastures and then weird shit happened and I'm now legally tied into a three hour radisu of the city center.
Government gone quiet when I raised some issues.
NSFW.
But it is a beautiful landscape.
I'm glad you were able to quit smoking! I've heard that it's incredibly difficult for most people. You're a licensed diver! I used to be terrified of water but have grown to love it as an adult. I had the most peaceful encounter with a sea turtle off the coast of St. John. I was snorkeling (without the apparatus because the damn mask kept leaking) and surfaced not three feet from a huge turtle. We stared at each other for a little while. It was perfectly calm, it looked almost like a wise old person. One of the coolest experiences of my life.
Omgawsh... that must have been super cool! :D
Yes. I'm afraid of the sea - waves that is. Had a run in with a big wave and another one with a strong current as a kid. LOTS of respect for the ocean. But underneath... that's other wordly, huh?
I so agree. Detest the apparatus! You did the right thing! Natural is better by far.
I swam with some turtles in Bali :) One of the best moments to remember ❤️
Beautiful creatures. And so graceful.
I'm on and off at the moment because... well... smoking. And yessssss. It is awesome to stop that shit!
It has been difficult. But this time something totally shifted and I'm really enjoying it!
Thanks for stopping by and saying hello ☀️
I think everyone who smoked for a while knows how hard it is to actually stop because a simple cigarette can calm down a lot of emotions that one can feel. However, just as you said, it's hard to actually do it or call it an achievement unless you don't properly feel it because just wanting to is never enough
Those emotions that come up when you can't smoke them away, huh?! Wow! 👀
Yes. I had some of those moments. I think expecting them and being able to sit with them until they pass is what made this so much easier as well. Thanks for pointing that out :)
They do pass quickly! If you just sit them out. But wowza are there some powerful ones.
Thanks for saying hello 👋 ☺️
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Whoop whoop!
Always only love and thanks, angel <3
Whoop whoop!
Always only love and thanks, angel <3
You're welcome @nickydee! Have a nice day 😊👍🌹
Good on you, N <3 Don't smoke myself, but have people close to me who do, and I used to pester them. Then I realized, as you so well point out, it's people wanting to that gets shit done. So kudos to you.
Man, reading your writing is always such an exciting trip. I never know where you're taking it. I'm so grateful for that <3 you're a beautiful writer-person-soul.
Oh, Honey
From you that's very flattering indeed. Much respect for your work/art in return so thank you! This means a lot to me 😊
Er... I don’t know where it's going either half the time! Or where it'll end anyway.
I think that's a good part of the "flow" they speak of. I'm trying not to manufacture things right now. Keeping it simple. The smoking was so linked to the creating I've had to totally change my work space and method.
So let's see what happens next! :D
Yes. We change and shift when we want to. No point in forcing things. This lesson... this I'm only really "getting" in full now.
And what a relief to finally let go and trust the process a bit more again. Slowly...
I'm sorry I haven't visited you for a while btw. Really focused on getting this right and getting healthy right now. So pop on and off at the moment. I gotta get this right. 👍🏻
But I'm coming to catch up with you soon! ❤️
As you should be. Never apologize for that, my friend <3 Take care.
As they say, smoking is so addictive. I am glad I have not tried it. But based on my brother and father’s experience, it was so hard for them when they realized that they need to stop smoking due to a serious disease. I am happy that you are now quitting.
I remember showing a picture of a human to my students and discussing to them the possible risks that cigarettes do to humans. A part of that illustration highlighted the many diseases and found it horrible.
Happy about your realizations my dear friend. I hope you are well and best regards.
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Hello you :)
So good to see you!
Yeah. Such a weird addiction. And it tastes so bad, I think people don't think they will ever get stuck on it. And then boom. So difficult to get off the stuff.
I just tell me kids to never try it. It's been a big concern of mine. That they will mimic me and pick it up.
No I'm done with it! *breathes sigh of relief
Honestly... like any addiction... the last bit of this one was pretty grim and dark.
I won't pick it up ever, ever again.
Sending love and coming to visit you soon. I'm just going slow online because the smoking went hand in hand with the computer work. So am adjusting and building up slowly again.
Brb for you ❤️
Hello you :)
So good to see you!
Yeah. Such a weird addiction. And it tastes so bad, I think people don't think they will ever get stuck on it. And then boom. So difficult to get off the stuff.
I just tell me kids to never try it. It's been a big concern of mine. That they will mimic me and pick it up.
No I'm done with it! *breathes sigh of relief
Honestly... like any addiction... the last bit of this one was pretty grim and dark.
I won't pick it up ever, ever again.
Sending love and coming to visit you soon. I'm just going slow online because the smoking went hand in hand with the computer work. So am adjusting and building up slowly again.
Brb for you ❤️