What Really Matters

As someone who’s very attentive and sees the little things no one does, life can be tough. And being this attentive and an over-thinker on some days makes things even worse for me. Why because I trust my brain to break every little thing down, analyse it, make scenarios, and even draw conclusions- all this in the time I’m supposed to be focusing on other stuff or resting. It’s exhausting, but I’m used to it now.

This superpower/weirdly wired brain of mine has been thinking of a lot lately because I’m the one person who is really picky about who I let in my circle. Recently, I’ve been trying to be more open and to meet new people. That’s how I make two friends, for a while it was good, but after some time it started to feel suffocating. Don’t get me wrong, they’re very good people and great friends, but their love for control is something I can’t seem to wrap my head around.

I hate it when do some tries to gaslight me into doing what they want. Sometimes, I do stuff i wouldn’t do on a normal day for my friends - I mean what are friends for- but when it starts to feel like I have to, that’s when I know to take a step back. These friends of mine have had me wondering if it’s really worth being friends with them because they don’t really come off as friends to me anymore. They aren’t considerate and always want others to compromise for them when they wouldn’t do the same for others.

This had me thinking about what really matters and it brought me back to the long lost fact that what I think is best for me is the only thing that matters and if I’m at least trying to compromise for someone who’s not really of any help to me and they don’t see it, it’s not really worth it. Now, I do what pleases me and I don’t inconvenience myself for them- but they don’t see it that way. And their only solution is to gaslight me and call me a bad girl.😂 Funny enough, I’ve heard all these before and it doesn’t move me. But now I’m angry that they are so selfish to the extent that they think this move might work on me.

But hey, who cares- I’m not out here to please others and it’s totally okay to do what I want and be who I want to. That’s all that matters at the end of the day.

all images belong to me.