Bound by Blood, Free by Choice: Navigating Toxic Family Ties

Everyone of us has a family whether we like it or not because we are born into one and they raise us and groom us into who we are today. If there’s one thing we don’t get to choose, it’s the family we are born into. Maybe we choose our families in heaven but I don’t know about that. We are born to families we know nothing about and as we grow, we slowly adapt and learn to live and love them for who they are.

I love my family very much and they have do so much for me I can’t even begin to think about it. This doesn’t mean that it’s been all rosy till now. We have had our good days and bad days. As they say, no one is perfect and so we shouldn’t expect our family to be perfect at everything. This is everyone first time at this thing called life and so we need to give others grace the same way they give us grace when we go wrong.

However, on the flip side, some people are just family by blood and nothing else. They say it’s people you don’t know who help you and to some extent, it is very true. I am fortunate to come from a very supportive family and I’m really grateful for that. But others don’t have the same story. Some family members are more like the weapons fashioned against you because they will always try to bring you down no matter how hard you try to stand up.

I’ve heard of stories where people had to move away from home and cut of their families because of how toxic they were and honestly, I’d advise anyone in that situation to do same. I’m currently at a stage in my life where I wouldn’t even bat an eye when it comes to cutting people off for my peace of mind no matter who you are. The issue of family is very delicate and that’s how people end up dead , thanks to their family. On most days, I’d give my family more than a second chance because of who they are to me and how much I love them. But once I realize they are not making a mental note to do better, it means their actions are intentional and I’d have no choice than to take them out of my life.

It can be hard at times, actually it is hard having to let go of your family but when push comes to shove, there’s nothing that can actually be done about it. At the end of the day, everyone wants the best for himself and if your family isn’t helping you in that rebar and rather trying to pull your down, I don’t think there needs to be any other discussion anymore.

If there’s one thing I’ve learnt from other people’s experiences, it the fact that the second and million changes you keep giving to people who are supposed to not even have a place is your life ate the same ones that will later bite you in the back.

all images belong to me.