Why Chasing Happiness Is Making You Unhappy

As a mom of five and an entrepreneur, I’ve learned a thing or two about happiness. Spoiler alert: it’s not what you think. We live in a world where everyone’s obsessed with being happy—like it’s some kind of prize at the bottom of a cereal box. But here’s the hard truth: the more you chase happiness, the further away it gets.

You see, happiness isn’t a destination. It’s not something you can check off your to-do list between packing school lunches and running your business. When we obsess over our emotions, we get stuck in a loop of "Am I happy enough?" "Why don’t I feel happier?" and "What’s wrong with me?" Newsflash: nothing’s wrong with you—except that you’re asking the wrong questions.

Ruminating on your emotions is like trying to vacuum up glitter. The more you focus on it, the more it spreads everywhere you don’t want it. Joy doesn’t come from sitting around, analyzing every little thing you feel. It comes from doing, from living, from getting your hands dirty in the nitty-gritty of life. Whether it's managing a household of chaos or building your empire from the ground up, true joy sneaks up on you while you're in the thick of things, not while you’re sitting around waiting for it.

As someone who juggles more responsibilities than a circus performer, I’ve discovered that the moments when I’m truly happy are when I’m fully engaged in something meaningful—whether that’s playing referee to my kids’ latest squabble or closing a deal that gets my business closer to its next milestone. It’s in these moments of immersion that happiness appears as a side effect, not the main event.

Here’s the kicker: Happiness isn’t a goal to pursue. It's the byproduct of a life well-lived. It’s what happens when you’re not looking for it. You know what they say about watched pots? They never boil. The same goes for happiness. The more you stare at it, the less likely it is to show up.

So, instead of obsessing over how to be happier, focus on building a life filled with meaning and engagement. Dive into your passions, whether that's nurturing your family, growing your business, or even just taking 10 minutes to enjoy a hot cup of coffee before the chaos of the day kicks in. When you’re fully present in these experiences, happiness will naturally follow, like a loyal dog that’s just happy to be along for the ride.

We’ve been sold this lie that happiness is something to be achieved, like a trophy or a milestone. But the truth is, happiness isn’t a finish line—it’s a byproduct of living a life rich with purpose, challenges, and the occasional mess. So stop chasing it. Get out there, immerse yourself in what matters, and let happiness find you along the way.

And when it does? You’ll be too busy living to even notice. And that is where happiness is.