Kept Watching Money | Lost Interest in Work | Grew Tired | And Then Blamed Money for It
Interesting Experience | Unwanted Outcome
I had spoken about my energy exercises around money, and how I had a breakthrough in my perception of money. I had spoken about it in my previous article, and those interested can have a read.
This article is a continuation of the one above. I followed up with my energy exercises to check for any intense feelings around money after the clearing that I previously achieved. This was a pretty focused one. I mentioned in the article above that somehow I had replaced “stocks” that my friend stated with “money” and thereafter adopted an arms-length approach to money.
I was curious to find out why I replaced “stocks” with “money”. Was there indeed an experience behind it, or just another no-specific-cause replacement of one word with another?
Boy, was I surprised to know that there was a reason!
The Reason | The Experience | And My Dislove for Money
Yeah, I invented the word “dislove”. So long as you get the meaning, it’s all fine.
So, the reason for the replacement of the word “stocks” with “money” was because of one specific experience that repeated itself over a couple of weeks in my first job. You see, I was working for a client and had finished the job at hand (I was a very quick worker) and literally had almost the entire day at my disposal. I was at the client site and had a room to myself and nothing much to do. I tried completing some work for my office (office of parent company. Not client company), and as luck would have it, I had really rounded up all my work. So, no work. That’s when I said, ‘Ok, let’s look at my stock portfolio. ’
Now, remember, this was my first job, and I had never done anything of this sort before. Why? Simply because I had never invested before, nor was I too much into portfolio checks. But then something happened that got me hooked. As I opened my portfolio, one of the stocks in my holdings just shot up. I remember that distinctly. It shot up so high that it hit the 20% circuit breaker at the stock market. That was an extremely exhilarating and first-time experience for me. I mean, the translation of that 20% upward movement was big on my portfolio. And for the rest of the day, I just kept refreshing my screen. Why? In the hope that my other stocks would also do something similar. In hindsight, what a tiring day it would have been to be just hitting refresh.
But the experience did not end there. The next day, at the same client’s office, the same thing happened again. Work allotted, work finished in one hour, no new work, no follow-ups, no parent office work, and literally seven hours at my disposal. I logged in to my portfolio again. The same stock hit the 10% circuit breaker this time. For those who don’t know, in our stock markets, the first time there would be a 20% circuit breaker, and thereafter 10% each day. Again, I was refreshing the screen for something to happen. And here is where my first experience with boredom at work followed (remember, this was my first job). It was tiring as I waited for “something to happen,” and “nothing happened,” and I was tired mentally. This experience followed for the next two days as well.
Things were different on the fifth day. I arrived at the client’s location, and there was a lot of work to be done. But none of the work was for delivery on the same day. The earliest one was to be reverted in a week. But I thought I would keep working and check my portfolio once in a while. That made sense, but that’s not what I did. Once I finished some work for about half an hour, I logged into my portfolio. This time, no circuit breakers, but yes, largely all my stocks were in the green. There was a change in experience this time. Despite having work, I did not have much interest in getting back to work as there were no immediate reverts or expectations. So, I went back to refreshing my screen. By now, it was getting tiring for me. I distinctly remember the boredom and tiredness I felt and the odd need to sleep.
The saga continued until day eight. On day nine, I had to get a hard grip on myself as I had only three days left to deliver one of the first outcomes to my client. And I remember being able to get back to work and making a conscious choice of not opening my stock portfolio. However, by lunch break, I thought I could just check while I am having my lunch. Bad decision. I fell back into the refreshing-the-screen saga pretty soon. Even after lunch, I remember going back to the page-refreshing, while I lost track of my work.
That evening back at home, I felt the worst that I could feel. I was full of guilt that I was using up the client’s time (and his money) to do my personal work. That, too, personal or otherwise, it wasn’t “work” at all. I felt terrible. And here comes the banger that I carried for the rest of my life. This is it:
I thought, this focus on increasing my money is an extremely tiresome experience, and it stops me from doing my work. Work and money can’t go hand-in-hand. I cannot focus on my work if I am distracted by money.
Ta-daa. And that was it. That’s where I started believing I should not focus on money (the fact was I was focused on my stocks), or else I wouldn’t be able to do my work. This realization was crazy. It was, after all, having its genesis in my own experience and not my friend’s, as I had earlier thought.
What a revelation!
Cleaning the Past | Clearing My Mind
Once I narrowed it down to that point, clearing things was easier. As I write this article, I have a couple of my crypto portfolios open on other tabs on my laptop. I am smiling to myself that I am focusing on my work of writing this article while not being distracted by the prices. So, my Ho’oponopono sessions to neutralize the experience of “money” and “work” seem to have worked.
The new thoughts that I have reinforced are:
• My money keeps growing even when I don’t watch it
• God’s blessing of money keeps flowing to me
• My work focus is so enriching and fulfilling
• By God’s grace, both money and my work keep flourishing
• If God wills, money and work can go hand-in-hand
Man, the relief that I felt after the clearing is amazing! I don’t see money as a distraction from my work anymore. I can be relaxed about money and my work. And this is the exact scenario that I need for myself while running a business. So, work and money can indeed go hand-in-hand.
Once again, all this could be possible because of God the Father Almighty, His Son, Jesus Christ, my Savior, and the Holy Spirit. The nudge in the right direction at the right time is what gets me out of trouble always. And it remains so even in this current episode. I am so glad God is in my life!!
I hope you find God and his directions for yourself, too. His mercies and divine interventions are incredible!
Image Courtesy: Peggy_Marco at Pixabay(dot)com