Couple of days back I had mentioned about my plans to visit the place where I had grown up and how I have mixed feelings about this place. It was not a pleasant experience growing up here but then nothing was in my control then so it all had to happen. For many years I had shut down myself to that place and never wanted to look back at it again. I grew up in an Orphanage which was not so bad but then still it was not a very pleasant place. And there was also bitterness of getting cut out from family, it was all about bare minimum in those days.

My other friends were having a good life then and I was feeling confined in this place with no proper education or learning. With all of that when I left the place, I decided I would never see it again, and I also cut myself out completely from all the people of that place. But then for many years the place kept coming in my dream and I knew I needed a closure here, I was carrying many negative emotions with me and they had to be addressed. Couple of times I planned to visit, but it did not happen. Finally, this time I made up a firm mind to visit. It's in another city so I had to plan a travel there.

I did visit this time, and when I went there, I had tears in my eyes. I was nervous, I did not know how to react. The good thing is that one girl who was studying in my time is now managing the place, and though I do not remember her at all, she remembered me very well. So there was some comfort level for me. Hubby suggested to come with me, because he knew I was getting very emotional about it, but then I wanted to do this myself so I went alone.

Well, it was not very bad. I was quite ok when I reached there, I did get emotional but I could control myself. I was shocked by the condition of the place. I thought it was bad in my time, but now it's deteriorated further and I do not know how the children are living here. Probably the same way I was. As children all these things do not matter much I believe.

I clicked some pictures
This is the Dining room, this is the only place which is still in decent condition and it is possibly maintained because lot of donors come to visit the children so they have to show some good side of the place.

The dormitory was in a terrible condition, absolutely no cleanliness, clothes and books were all around, beds were not made. Felt sad looking at the condition.

The first used to be my bed. There were 3 beds in this line, I occupied the first one and my sister on the second one. I took a couple of minutes here, was overflowing with emotions and somehow controlling myself. All the memories were flashing in front of me as if it was only yesterday I was here.

That's the locker room, where everyone had one locker to keep our utilities. Again, in a very bad state. Now there are very less children also so lot of lockers are removed.

And the book rack, 2nd on the top row used to be my book rack

This is a play area. When I was small this place looked big to me but now I find it so small, and we were almost 100 children so imagine how it must have been, and this is the only play area.

One thing I was taken back with was that the children now do not have any discipline and cleanliness, and for that majorly the one running the show need to be blamed. The Principal has been very casual with the kids. At least one thing was good in my time that discipline was enforced on us. The Principal in my time came from another boarding school which had a good reputation and she was strict. She gave her best to us, even though it was not very great.

Today I feel that even though it was not the best place to grow up in, at least I was in a time when there were good teachers and Principal who possibly could not make much change to the place but they did give us good discipline and life lessons because of which I am what I am today.

Looking at this place again makes me realize how far I have come in life, and I am so proud of myself for making myself who I am today. The path has never been easy but with God's grace I have the right people in my life, my hubby and son who have made it all so beautiful for me.

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