Memoir Monday #51 Write about a moment in your life when you stood at the edge of a choice—two paths diverging, each pulling at your heart in different ways

This is my post for #Memoir Monday #51 Write about a moment in your life when you stood at the edge of a choice—two paths diverging, each pulling at your heart in different ways

Write about a moment in your life when you stood at the edge of a choice—two paths diverging, each pulling at your heart in different ways. Perhaps it was a goodbye you didn’t want to say, a risk you weren’t sure you could take, or a quiet sacrifice no one else noticed. Describe the weight of that moment: the sounds that filled the air, the tremble in your hands, the unspoken words caught in your throat. Reflect on who you were then, what you felt you had to lose, and how that choice echoes in the person you are now, years later, as you sit with this memory.*

I had my kids when I was young so by the time we were in our late forties, we were empty nesters. I never got used to not having a noisy house but my husband loved it. He loved it so much that he told me no one was moving back in. We have had kids move in and out over the years, but we had the last 15 years of it being just us.

I stood at the foot of the bridge looking at the the totes filled with everything she owned. Cars were going by and once in a while someone honked but all I could do was stare at the totes lined up along the guardrail and wonder how she ended up here, I knew once she reached adulthood all of her choices in life were hers. I was told that by the police.

So why do I stand here blaming myself for not doing more, I did all I knew to do and still do not know how I could have done more, or what I would change, but the blame is still there like the tears I am trying to hold back.

My son told me she was at the bridge and had been living there but got trespassed for staying under it and now had nowhere to go. He thought I could try to talk to her and see if I could get her to come home.

My heart was torn between my child and my husband but there was never any doubt as to what I was going to do when I got to the bridge. I had not discussed this with my husband, he was fishing and it was not something I wanted to do over the phone, the truth is, I did not want to say anything to him, on the phone or in person, they say it is easier to ask for forgiveness than to get permission. He will see when he gets home, and he did.

I knew when he got home there would be a lot of conflict between us. I knew how upset he was going to be and here it is two years later and he is still upset. This is a huge burden on me, but I knew it would be and I accept it.

He misses the quiet house and is complaining about how much more it costs us with them living here. My youngest son also moved back so this makes things worse. Every day there is a comment and every day my heart breaks a little more.

She would not move into the house and put her tent up in our north driveway. We live in a secluded area where no one could see her. But that was not the way I wanted him to see her being here, but I was not going to argue with her. I had her this close where I knew she was safe.

After water built on top of her tent during a huge thunderstorm and it collapsed she moved into the house but wanted to sleep on the hall floor between the washroom and spare bedrooms, but now I have her in one of the bedrooms.

I still stand by my decision for them to live here even though they both are doing things we do not approve of, I know they are safe and have food to eat as long as they are here. I got NARCAN to keep here at the house and pray I never have to use it. I did tell them both, I have 2 rules, they can not have their crap on our property, they have to go somewhere else to party, and no friends can come here, they can go to them.

Yes, I wish they would straighten up their lives but that is not going to make me turn my back on them no matter their age. A long time ago an elderly woman told me this " When your children are young, they are hard on the feet, when they are grown, they are hard on the heart." Back then I had no idea what that meant, now I do.
photos are mine