The Labels I Never Asked For

Stereotypes don’t always come in loud voices. Sometimes, they show up in silence, in side-eyes, in expectations that weigh more than they should. You don’t always see them coming, but you feel them, in how people treat you, in the questions they ask, or the things they don’t say out loud.

As a female, I’ve had my fair share of those labels, the ones society hands out like free samples. “You should know how to cook.” “You’re too emotional.” “You must want marriage.” “You can’t lead men.” “You’re not strong enough.” “You should dress like this.” “You shouldn’t talk too much.” "You should learn to be submissive" The list keeps going, and at some point, you start to wonder if people see you or just the version of you they’ve already created in their heads.

But the truth is, sometimes I don’t feel like cooking. Sometimes, I don’t want to be soft. Sometimes, I want to be quiet without being asked if I’m upset, and sometimes, I want to speak without being told I’m “doing too much.”

And then there’s the pressure to know how to do what “every other girl” is doing. “You mean you don’t know how to do makeup?” “You don’t know how to tie gele?” “You don’t like shopping?” " You don't have this type of clothes?" "You don't go clubbing?" As if liking or not liking certain things somehow makes you less feminine. As if womanhood is a script and if you miss your lines, you’re no longer part of the cast.

But it’s not just women who face this.

Men carry stereotypes too, heavy ones they’re not even allowed to talk about. The world expects them to be hard all the time. No emotions. No fear. No space to say “I don’t know.” A man who shows emotion is called weak. A man who chooses gentleness over aggression is mocked. If he can’t provide, he’s “useless.” If he asks for help, he’s not “man enough.” Even something as simple as staying home or saying “I’m tired” is often seen as failure, not humanity.

I’ve seen the pressure it places on brothers, friends, even strangers. The fear of not measuring up to an idea someone else designed. Some fight it. Some hide behind it. And some just collapse under the weight.
The fear of not being able to do what others are doing. Some people even go as far as comparing them to other people which is really really wrong.

And then there’s that stereotype, the one no one talks about enough: when everyone else is doing something and you’re the one who doesn’t know how to, or just doesn’t want to. You’re in a group where everyone dances but you can’t move your body like that. Everyone’s starting a YouTube channel, wearing lashes, doing skits, investing in crypto, and you? You just want to rest. Or read. Or be quiet. And somehow that makes you “boring,” “lazy,” or “behind.”
There was a time most of my friends decided to go into content creation as a job and I was the only one that didn't join them, I could see it from their faces and the way they behaved, they thought I wasn't serious or like I was lazy but then the fact was that I wasn't really interested in it.
They go out most times, they show me what they buy the people they meet and even most times they don't always invite me for outings again or introduce me to someone they just met.
To them I was an unserious person and a person that is not bothered.

We live in a time where not knowing how to do something popular can feel like a sin. Where not participating in trends makes people look at you funny. But what they don't know is that it is okay not to know, It is okay not to be interested, It is okay to be different. That doesn’t make you less of a woman, less of a man, or less of a person.

The danger with stereotypes is that they try to shrink you. They try to define you before you even have a chance to define yourself.

And I think the best way to overcome those stereotypes is to refuse and ignore them completely.
We shouldn't let them get to us.