Why are we Losing our Community Connections?
People are communal. It's always been to our advantage to be as it's easier for us to survive when we work in groups. It seems that even on a subconscious level we are driven to maintain group connections. We strive to fit in, don't tolerate loneliness and our mental health suffers when we are isolated. There is even evidence that our immune system functions better when we are surrounded by people we trust.
I recently touched on how the social situations we're used to being in will affect how comfortable we are in given situations. This promoted a question from @top.quark as to why we might be losing our community connections in recent generations, which I thought would be an interesting topic to delve further into.
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Changing paradigms
What would happen if the internet/power went out for an extended period of time? Would we know how to do things that we've come to rely on it for? I recall an event in my childhood when heavy, sticky snowfall brought down power lines and many towns were without power for 3 days or more. It was an eye opener, even then before the internet, how reliant we'd become on electricity as we tried to figure out what to do with ourselves. No TV for entertainment, so maybe I can vacuum my room...no, that needs power too.
What stood out the most from my memories of that time was how everyone reconnected. A trip to the local shops resulted in cheerful conversations with strangers with the current situation being the ice breaker. Local pubs were bustling with activity. My husband's family lived in a pub at the time and of course the pumps weren't running, so it was his job to run down into the cellar and fill up jugs from the beer barrels. Eveyone pulled together to help one another through the adversity of this event, whether they knew each other or not.
Over time as home entertainment has expanded more and more, pubs have closed or had to change over to providing food more than drinks and music. The population has grown since my childhood, yet I feel like the places in walking distance of main residential areas where we can socially gather have dwindled.
Loneliness is at epidemic proportions in the western world and more and more people are even becoming uncomfortable with socialising. Striking up conversation on public transport with strangers is a rarity with the majority of people looking at mobile phone screens and someone wearing headphones is usually a symbol to say "I'm not open to talking to anyone right now".
At one point when children came home from school they changed into their play clothes and played out with friends until mum called them in for dinner. Homework didn't exist until high school and then it didn't need to be done every single day. Today it's home from school, get homework done, then watch TV, play on computer games or doom scroll on social media. The luckier ones might have some sports activities after school where they can socialise a bit, before having to rush back home and squeeze in homework.
Only a few generations ago neighbourhoods connections would usually be maintained by the housewives as they chatted over the fence and maybe organised get togethers. Women would also be the ones helping out with childcare and care of elderly parents. Today most women have to work whether they want to or not.
You might say that it's okay, were still socialising through school and work, but what about those who are retired, disabled or unable to work for some reason? What about those coming home to an empty house, something that is probably more common than ever before. Do these people not matter any more because they aren't contributing to productivity?
In comment on my previous post, @finec brought up the practice of senicide in many ancient cultures. Do we risk devolving back to that if we ignore the social needs of our no longer "productive" members of society and let them descend into loneliness and depression because they can't socialise in the workplace? Canada might even be reaching that point now that they are considering expanding the offer MAiD (Medical Assistance in Dying) to those with depression and have already included those with disabilities.
The rise of technology
When it comes to socialising advances in technology can be both a blessing and a curse. I'm a Pom. That is I'm British and currently living in Australia. Modern technology means that I can keep on touch with family on the other side of the world, via writing, talking and even visually face to face in real time with video calling. That's amazing and a blessing, especially considering that it wasn't long ago when the only way I could have communicated at that distance would have been via letters which would have taken months to reach their destination.
For those who might be confined to their bed or home due to illness or disability technology can be a lifeline to the world outside. But is it good enough to replace physical contact and real world interactions? In 2020 during Covid lockdowns suicide rates and depression shot up. Young children had developmental delays and for some people their mental health still hasn't fully recovered even 5 years from it starting. We could still video chat and go on social media, though, so shouldn't that have been good enough? Obviously not.
When technology unnecessarily becomes our main means of socialising it can end up having the opposing effect of isolating from the real world and making it harder for us to interact in the real world. The less we communicate with people in real life the less comfortable and capable we become of interacting with them. Thus we end up in a downward spiral as virtual socialising can't measure up to the benefits of physical socialising and physical contact. Yet social media has been gamified to become addictive, making it hard for us to tear ourselves away from it and shortening our attention spans.
Within social media there is even a trend developing of memes about not going outside because there are PEOPLE out there! There is almost a glorification of being "neurodivergent" to excuse yourself from having to deal with people in real life any more. Yet the irony is that many of these social issues are quickly remedied when we are put into a situation where we have to interact in the real world regularly again, as long as it's not a situation like a toxic work environment. Our ability to interact with people also quickly returns as we put ourselves into situations where we have to interact, even if we are introverts.
Size matters
As we become more connected with more people we expand our horizons, but we could also be making it ever harder to keep local community connections. Within a limited group of people we can get to know and become familiar enough with everyone to know who we can trust and who we might need to use caution around. As the group gets bigger we will be less able to develop a deep familiarity with everyone. There is no way anyone living in a city would know eveyone else living there, so we tend to be more wary of others. Say "good morning!" with a smile to a stranger in the city and you are less likely to get an equally friendly response as you would if you lived in a village. So in these living situations if we want to be communal we tend to form community groups which meet up at certain times. Otherwise we end up isolated in a crowded place of strangers.
Some final thoughts
We hear a lot of complaints about how hard it is to buy a house in today's economic climate. Last century it became something of a tradition for children to move out and buy their own homes often quite far away from their parents. This is likely another thing that has separated communities and brought in a new pattern of family units or the nuclear family instead. This family then again gets separated when the children move out, leaving the parents to age alone and probably get dropped in the nursing home when they are no longer able to cope. Sometimes the child moves out and ends up living alone as well as less people from the Millennial and Z generations settle down and have children.
So it got me thinking that maybe it's not such a bad thing that children can't afford to move out and more of them are staying living with their parents as long as they get on well enough. I even know of couples living with one of their parents.
What are your thoughts? Why do you think we might be losing community connections?
The loss of community connections is evident at the global level. As you argue, it is due to the combination of many factors, although I think that the fundamental one is the change of role of the woman, leaving her place as a family caregiver to become a worker who can barely take care of herself. Technological advances also influence, it is obvious that we tolerate each other less and less. Direct eye contact is already almost seen as a threat rather than an opportunity to smile and establish a real connection with our fellow men. But we need to touch, hug, kiss. I hope that even if we are decreasing the number of contacts we will be able to make the contacts we maintain stronger and deeper. Thank you for this wonderful reflection.
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Absolutely! This was also something that many people were scared out of during the Covid pandemic. I don't think that has helped with community connections either.
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The pandemic accelerated the individualisation process that had already begun.
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In part it has to do with new technologies although many deny it. We are addicted to internet and electrical appliances I remember that my childhood I lived more in nature and connected with family and friends if it is as you say today to get a house is difficult, but not impossible for me I had a hard time getting my own house I had to go to other countries to work and save because with the salary of my country was impossible so I understand many people who prefer to live with their parents to save the rent, but that often also brings many problems because there are parents who do not set limits and many children instead of being a help become a burden.
I don't think it would work for all families having children stay at home. I know I couldn't live with my mum any more. We tried having her with us for over a year and she was hard to live with. 😅 I'm fine with my dad, though.
A lot of people who've used filters and lighting and makeup and angles, are scared to go outside and just be a regular person. Feels like a demotion.
Surely the use of filters would allow them anonymity when they actually go out. 😜
The loss of community relations has a rather deep background.It is worth delving
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Wow, as always, this post also hits deep. Well done! I hope to write as well as you do someday.
Now, here's what I think... You know, It’s funny how people like to argue that through technology, we are now more ‘connected’ than ever when, we’re actually more isolated. Yes sure, thanks to the digital presence, we can now have friends all over the world, but what happens to the actual physical connection with people around us?
Childhood does not even feel like childhood anymore for this present generation. I see a lot of kids these days and I feel genuinely sad because, why are children being forced to act or dress like adults?
I remember when being outside, taking a family evening stroll or just visiting your friend to gist were a thing. Now, it’s like everyone is either too busy, too tired, or too glued to their screens (myself included, not gonna lie).
The part about loneliness being an epidemic? 100% true. I see it everywhere, even personally. It’s almost like we’ve forgotten how to just hang out with people. No phones. lol, most hangout now are for the sole purpose of creating contents for social media. It shouldn't be like that. These things don't foster real connections.
I don’t know what the solution is, but I do know that nothing can replace real human connection. We will all need it sometimes. Or maybe people just have their people you know, but for us to create a true sense of community, connection should be made to thrive not only within "our" people, but even with others. Bonds are formed not by blood but by consistent engagement with people.
Perhaps we all need to try a little harder to be present. To look up from our screens. To visit people. At the end of the day, community is needed, for the continuity of humanness. We are not robots afterall.
I also love your point about kids not being pressured to move out of their parent's homes. Although, sometimes, it's easier to love your family from afar. However, wanting to stay away from one's family should not be the major reason for moving out.
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This, exactly. I recently read about a teenager who formed a romantic relationship with an online AI "girlfriend". He ended up ending his own life. A programmed relationship can't exactly go sour, so it's not as if a break up caused that. A woman was criticized for creating an AI "girlfriend" version of herself and argued that it would help men who are experiencing loneliness, but that doesn't seem to be the case.
Haha, yes. I have two family members who are easier to love when they don't live with me. Ironically they struggle the most with loneliness, but have a tendency to push people away with their behaviour.
Hello! I don't think it's a question of technology, especially not digital technology. Perhaps it's more a question of the joy of interaction, with or without technology. Even books, when they couldn't be printed, were already breaking people apart. Maybe even spoken language does, if I follow Jinan KB's explanation of how language destroys cognition - while cognition can create language.
I like how Ivan Illich describes it in one of his essays from +50 years ago:
And the epitome of cinematic representation of this for me is still Carol Black's https://Schoolingtheworld.org
I think it really depends on how technology is used. Social media is designed to be addictive, after all. In Japan they have Hikikomori who have isolated themselves from the world and their only connection to it is usually through screens. There might be a bit of a chicken and egg conundrum here as to whether technology played a part or whether they just turned to that when they decided to no longer leave their rooms, though.
Thank you for the link, I'll have a watch when I get chance
See, what I want to stress here is that "technology" can be a very broad term. There has been monks being "addictive" to books or chants. I don't think that's any different then back before digital technology, but of two aspects: speed and spreading. And both enables the two of us to interact here. (And I have many such interactions that are complemented with offline interactions as well.)
Jinan is marvelous. I loved to add his perspectives to my outlook. I hope you'll enjoy it as much as I did.
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I didn't have time for more than a quick reply last time, but your mention of books brought to mind something a historian was saying. For thousands of years history was passed down through story telling and it worked really well because they carried that history on for thousands and even tens of thousands of years. In many ways the invention of writing meant that this tradition was lost because writing seemed to make a more permanent and long lasting record, but of course it doesn't always survive. Then he told a story where a God (Thoth perhaps?) gave mankind the gift of writing and someone responded that it wasn't a gift so much as a curse, because you can give guidance, caution and full understanding in the written word as you would if you were telling the story and imparting the wisdom and meaning behind it yourself. This really rings true because much of the history we have gleaned from writings comes with different interpretations depending on the reader and translation.
On spot. I like how you've put it. This speaks to me how written language is to relationship like highways to a neighborhood. It feels fast and progressive but separates. Not what a good video or text chat can do. Speaking of progression, I again like Ivan Illich's essay with his epimethean perspective. He tells the story of Epimetheus being Prometheus' brother. That's ingrained not only in written, but in spoken and ultimately thought language: speaking of cognition.
And then comes Jinan KB with his workshop. I'll bet you have some more historic epiphanies with that. And I hope you'll enjoy them.
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This is an incredible post to reflect, thank you for it. I loooove dwelving on those things, as you might have noticed on my blog.
See, as a very earlier social anxiety user, I agree with you. We can totally blame technology for that, and I expect loneliness statictics to grow even more. This is because fear is a brain mechanism to avoid danger, which results of constantly driving us in our comfort zones. The moment the brain found a replacement for socialization it deemed REAL socialization as dangerous, because people can be nasty but it hurts less when we are not both present in the same place. Less overwhelming for the senses, so to speak. But, turns out, behaving in "fear will" makes fear stronger. The body is very efficient this way... if you use the same feelings over and over again they become stronger. So more and more time goes by, socialization seems even... inapropiate.
Everyone assumes you don't wanna talk because you don't know each other. As we cope with our socialization needs with technological replacements we feel we don't have to risk an actual conversation, where we might get exposed or hurted, or share something someone might use against us. In a chat you can hide everything, choose your words carefully and give the perfect impression you always want to give.
It's almost like talking is some sort of privilege. And is getting harder because in that ground we are competing with enterteiment, so we are less tolerant, less willing to hear, less capable of boredom and patience. We always want a delightful conversation... In a society that less and less practice how to socialize. So see, we are competing against our overgrown pleasure and fear centers here. Socialization is not a strong source of pleasure for many, or dopamine stimulative, so extroverts are the ones who keep it alive as they naturally enjoy it more and further. As socialization is useful to build trust, they tend to be more succesful. For those who don't find it pleasurable enough, fear feels stronger until we feel lonely and then we are paralized by not having developed the necessary social skills to find a mate and an overgrown sense of fear.
Before, it was imposible to not have social skills because without technology or electricity, you would need to practice. As you practice you become better. As you become better your results improve. In this state, as you know you are good and your mind relate socialization with reward (because you are good at it) you wouldn't renounce to it even in the face of a seemingly better solution, like technology. So I get why older generations complain. They are so good at something no one seems to be doing anymore, but it is still vital, for we can still feel there's a lacking in technology interaction and we are not getting joyful out of it, but rather stressed and fearful.
Sorry for the long comment, can't help it! Haha. Cheers ~
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Hello, nice to meet you. I'm not into reading lots of blogs these days. While when I read of extroverts I recalled this quote and wanted to share it with you. I've written more in another comment thread down here. Cheers
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I love being at peace too but, turns out my peace is too fragile, as I am easily offended by rejection signs. We humans reject things all the time, so you can see why I am socially anxious. Working on it with a psychologist though. Having results from practicing mindfulness and emotional processing, as it makes my fear center less reactive and as such, and I am not so easily paralized anymore by it, which over time has helped me enjoy social interactions more.
I can completely relate. Makes me recall this one with Marshall Rosenberg
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Don't apologies for long comments. I love reading people's perspectives and the conversations sparked.
There are some great perspectives here on the fear and comfort side of things. I've often wondered why the less social interactions we have the more we avoid them. Yet when we push through that discomfort we are much happier for those interactions.
The rise of technology is a double edge knife, in a way it make the world smaller and easier to communicate and socialize with our loved ones who were once worlds apart but lately I'm seeing that it also disconnect us from the real world, especially with the teenagers and children this days. Most of them don't even go out or have real friends cause everything is virtual, they have a lot of social media friends but i doubt they even really know all or not most of them. Anyhow, building meaningful connection these days is most important.
Yes, most of my daughter's friends are online, but she did manage to convert the better ones into real life. They live in another state, but they try to meet up a couple of times a year.
Well written, in depth, and thought provoking as anticipated, @minismallholding. I am thankful I caught this before it slid out of view in my feed. It is nice to see you are getting some genuine interaction going on an important topic in our day. I trust that provides some encouragement to you that it was an investment of your time worth making.
For my part, I think I'll limit my response this time to just a bullet list, which might be the seeds of future posts, comments, or something:
More than any other aspect of understanding why this is the case, I believe it is due to the fact we are incomplete without others. The strengths and weaknesses of us all, if peacefully and productively interwoven? Beneficial! Not so much? Harmful!
And depression. And other maladies. All of which would seem to indicate these artificial substitutes for community are seriously lacking something vitally important. "Trust the science!" is a common chant. Hmmm. Until the facts make us uncomfortable. Or worse. They become a perceived threat. Then what?
To fully grasp the importance of once was commonplace eludes us it seems. There was something remarkably valuable about the healthy and creative process of going out in the sunlight and imagining all sorts of ways to interact with our siblings, neighbors, and friends.
For one follow-up question, how badly damaged is that creative spark inherent to us all? While not claiming to fully know the answer, I am personally convinced this and related aspects of our modern obsession (too strong?) with all of our growing array of digital toys (too flippant?) has a lot to do with addressing what you wrote about in the first post I read on your account.
Interesting insert into this discussion about community. When communities degrade to the point of arrogantly presuming to make life-and-death decisions for others, I do not know how it can get worse.
Absolutely. Are relationships a mile wide and a quarter inch deep (won't take the time to figure metric equivalents ...) genuinely meaningful and life affirming? Asked differently, along the lines of our ongoing discussion, how real are they?
We need to "live life" with others, near and dear, in the real world. I would suggest evidence is mounting, there is no viable substitute.
Okay, that is probably (too much?) plenty.
Thank you for writing this post. I hope there are many more to follow. To civilly, respectfully, but fearlessly challenge some of the everybody knows mindset of our time.
P.S. Once allowing my daily string of posting to be broken, I have been following through on attempting more balance with how much time I am spending here on Hive. I cannot be true to myself and do otherwise. That said, I will always respond, reply, etc., but it will just likely be a bit slower than might be ideal.
P.P.S. I have the seeds of ideas for 2 or 3 posts, in a certain sequence, which are related to this topic. More narrowly focused on my impressions of the Hive blockchain. I will tag you in them, unless I receive a request otherwise.
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Thank you kindly @topcomment, for the encouragement I can see you have provided others in their contributions to this valuable post. I am grateful to find you have deemed mine worthy of being included.
Keep them quality comments coming!
Word!
In addition to the other observations I have already shared here in the comments, I consider this idea to be much more influential on the drifting apart of communities than any technology. Thanks for letting me pick up on your thoughts here!
Technology, however, whether print or screen time, I consider to be extremely influential on the perception of these phenomena. When fewer people were involved in politics, they were less concerned with other people's business.
Which reminds me of this wonderful short story by Eric Frank Russell: "And then there were none." With a whispering MYOB to all those who do decisions for others, no matter how few or how many.
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Thank you for stopping by, @anli, and sharing your perspective on this important topic. 🤝
You are utmost welcome.
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There were certainly more thoughts I wanted to expand on, but it was already getting pretty long and I was curious to see what others would add without me expanding too much.
This is an aspect of human nature that has always got me thinking. We won't so something for nothing. Remove the dopamine pathway in the brain and we won't even eat unless it's put right in front of our face. So why do we cooperate with one another? Because we are rewarded for it in one way or another. For millennia the only way we could really survive was to cooperate with others. Even those who got exiled would inevitably team up with other exiles, often as teams of bandits. This could again be a whole essay...
Loneliness will certainly contribute to, if not cause, some of these. Hearing loss in older age has been linked to onset of dementia, due to it isolating you more in social interactions. So there seems to be lots of evidence for links between mental health issues and lack of social interaction.
I keep getting dragged off this response today, so I'll leave it here arms turn in for the night. I thoroughly understand trying to find a Hive/life balance. I'm still trying to find it myself. 😅
You certainly have gotten off to a good start, @minismallholding.
As long as it has some value for you, I would imagine you can continue to write on associated topics for a long time.
All while taking good care of yourself, of course! 🫡
You know @minismallholding. What you say is true about the way we communicate with each other and how those connections we forged decades ago have sometimes fallen by the wayside. I remember exactly the scenario you mention about coming home from school, going outside to play until mom called us for dinnertime. During dinner, we'd talk around the table about our day or anything else. Next, we'd complete our homework, then perhaps watch a bit of sitcoms before bed.
I'm from the country, so we had manual tools to work with, such as a can opener. Ringer washing machine we actually had to rotate, then pull the clothes through the rollers. Clothes line outside stretched between two poles and kept in place with clothes pins. All children hung the clothes out to dry. We talked about how miserable we were doing this and laughed about one day someone would invent something so that we wouldn't have to do it. We didn't know the washer and dryer would forever change our lives. But too late for us in the late 50s.
As a parent, I tried to keep the tradition going with at least mealtime discussions, but the children wanted to eat in their rooms or rush to play video games. I was just telling my hubby about the lack of children on our cul-de-sac. They've all grown up with our kids, moved away. No bike riding in the middle of the street, playing hoops, walking along the sidewalks and waving at your neighbors. Everyone has gone inside to do their own thing. I know I have also at this age.
Life is certainly different in terms of how we communicate. I used to mail out one hundred Christmas cards each year. Now, we send out holiday greetings via group texts.
Thanks for your post. It brought back some lovely memories of togetherness. Take care and have a good start to your weekend.
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You've reminded me of the stories my parents used to tell us about growing up and helping mum with the washing on wash day. By the time My sister and I were growing up we had washing machine, so we just occasionally helped hang the laundry. I feel like we we've gotten more technology to help families needed to work together less.
One thing we always did was eat together as a family and I did that with my girls growing up. It's graduated to us sitting in front of the TV together with food, though. 😕
Mine are all grown now and have moved away to another city. Technology has definitely aided in reducing the physical connections, both community and family. While it's nice for long distance connecting, it's still not the same. When my granddaughter visits, she wants to grab her food and go to the room to watch her gaming and whatever is trending on social media.
Take care.
My eldest lives the other side of the city and will likely be moving interstate soon. I've only got my youngest here now, who is nearly 22. Time flies!!
My youngest will sometimes take her food to her room as well if her gaming friends are on. We only really eat around the table when we have guests now, which is sometimes my eldest and her boyfriend, oddly enough 🤣
Teens. What can you say. My granddaughter is 16. Yes, time does fly. Take care.
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Hello @minismallholding , this is a very revealing piece of writing, we live in a world of online connections without human connections.
Every day this distancing is felt more and more, I live it daily, it is more difficult to meet, it is more difficult to leave home even if we are healthy, although the recommendations are always that we must connect face to face, we must go out and feel the atmosphere outside the house, we must belong to groups, although this seems to be a little distant by the fact of the influence of social networks we integrate much to it and it seems that this is just the world. ... I include myself, although I have been working for months to have specific hours of use of the networks, to leave the house to walk, to make more contact with the neighbors, to be more interested in them, it is good and it feels good.
It is a social issue of much study.
Greetings
It is an odd dilemma that we have reached a point of struggling to schedule in what is a basic human need. Tearing ourselves away from these devices that have hacked into this need in a way that can become detrimental to our mental health.
I guess this recent innovation isnt doing more good to this present generations., i figured the best way to go about this is to control it.. you right people basically leave freely without technology back in the days, i can do without any other technology though including house chores technology. except my phone 😁,
It's likely worse for some than others. If you're someone who becomes easily addicted, then it will be all the harder to get away from your screens. I grew up in a time when we only had landlines and I have to fight to remind myself we organised ourselves just fine without mobile phones. 😅
Yah i remember my mum always told us about those times especially when ever she wants to scold us, well good thing I've got my own place, i was always tired of hearing those stories over again 😅
Well done!