The morning after
The morning after felt flat.
Like a roller coaster had crashed down.
I understood that it was an emotional comedown after all the events and everything after.
I felt like I could not feel.
I required silence and solitude, so I tapped into my inner strength, Qi Gong, which helps with balancing and dealing with negative emotions including grief, fear, and loss.
My greatest loss.
I was home.
In my backyard.
My happy place.
A place where solace was always instantly gained.
But I was full of emptiness.
Sadness and sorrow, yet relief.
Like a crane with broken wings.
Grounded and stable
To face.
To digest.
To deal with all my emotions, thoughts, and feelings.
Dark and light ones.
Questions of life and the afterlife bombarded my mind in deeper ways than they had ever done. Questions that no one truly knows the answers to were asked.
Reasoning, I thought, gone too soon, yet, why not sooner?
Comforting, I thought—no more physical, emotional, or mental pain.
I kept reflecting on how I felt looking at his lifeless body. The pain I felt knowing I would never see his smile again, the sadness knowing that I would never hear his voice at the other end of the phone, the loss of never enjoying moments with him ever again.
I gave thought to the feeling of euphoria I had as I touched his hair and his body and whispered in his ear. I was happy knowing that my dad was free at last, resting in peace.
I acknowledged that we had different beliefs, and based on his beliefs, I know that he is resting in what they call eternal paradise. He lived a good life that he thought would guarantee him a place there.
I thought about our last conversation.
I knew this day would come, not because I was pessimistic, but because I was slowly accepting and dealing with the process of losing someone dearest to me. Although it wasn't a sudden loss, it was a loss that one could never prepare for.
I continued to tell myself that this was just clinical death, an inevitable process in the cycle of life, and I continued to speak to my dad, not because I was in denial but because his presence remained strong.
Does Samsara exist? I asked. I don't know, but if we are made up of energy, in what form? Or what is Nirvana? I am still searching and will forever be.
I'll continue to live a life that my dad would be proud of, and more importantly, one that makes me feel fulfilled. I'll deepen my practice of Qi Gong and yoga, both of which strengthen and drive me, and continue to live a life of lifelong learning and growing, some of the greatest attributes of my dad.
I am thinking of my dad, whom I will love forever.
I'll keep this knife that my dad gave me last year safe. My dad said he had it for over 40 years, and he wanted me to have it.
All other photos were taken in Jamaica on February 18, 2024, the morning after my dad's Thanksgiving service.
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I'm so sorry for your loss @millycf1976.
A loss like this certainly brings up a lot of questions.
I can really feel your love for him, from your words. Sending you a hug xxxx
Thank you @trucklife-family. 💕
Definitely!
I've had time to deal with the emotional part which continues to come in waves. These are questions that I'll never truly know the answers to, and I just have to find comfort in different beliefs.
I feel that when you love someone dearly, they never really leave you, and I still feel and think of him being with me always xxxx
Dad left us 5 years ago... I understand every line you wrote because I went through something similar... We are never fully prepared to deal with this... Beautiful lines, I send a hug to you and all your close people @millycf1976 friend...
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Thank you:)
@millycf1976! Your Content Is Awesome so I just sent 1 $BBH (Bitcoin Backed Hive) to your account on behalf of @jlinaresp. (1/5)
Oh, thank you! This is awesome:)
Sorry about your dad @jlinaresp. You make mention of your mum sometimes, so I trust that she's well? Thanks for your kind words.
I have a strange way of processing emotions and feelings, (I fine teeth comb through them).
I never really wrote tributes, but I wanted a record of how I felt the morning after everything because I think that it's an important part of healing and letting, yet cherishing fond memories.
Have a nice Sunday:)
Yes @millycf1976 friend... Mom is still here and she just turned 78! :)... She is visiting the Andean Mountains region of our country along with her 5 granddaughters and my 2 sisters to celebrate her birthday week, but she will return this week! .. Thank you very much for the good wishes!... I also send my best wishes to you and your loved ones around!...
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Thank you:)
Ok, that's truly awesome. Sounds like your mum keeps herself young. My mum turns 78 in October, and she is fully active, strong, and of a young mind. I hope she'll be around for a long time.
All the best wishes to you @jlinaresp:)))
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Thank you:)
$PIZZA slices delivered:
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Yum 😋
I'm sorry to hear that Milly. May he rest in peace.
Hey there! Thank you 💜
My sincere condolences to your family..
Your father is now resting in peace and will be guiding you from above.. Just continue making things that will make him proud.. He sure was happy to have you as his daughter.
!LUV
Thanks for your kind words Jane 💜
Sorry for your loss. His memories will live on with you forever. I'm sure you will continue being the awesome daughter you have always been in his eyes . Huge hugs to you and your family.
!HUG
Thank you:)
I try my best to live a life of no regrets. So, I'm conscientious in my actions, and I think carefully before acting and try not to react to provocation. Therefore, yes, I think my dad would be happy.😊
Have a lovely Sunday:)))
I sent 1.0 HUG on behalf of @coolmidwestguy.
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Oh, Milly! I'm so sorry for your loss.
I lost my father 18 years ago. And although I miss him very much and would give anything to have him physically near me, sometimes I feel that in some inexplicable way, he is with me guiding my steps. Maybe it is the way I cope with the grief of not having him, but I like to think that when we lose someone so close somehow their presence is still with us.
My condolences to you and your family. Big hugs
Hi CoquiCoin, I understand and feel everything you've said. Sadly, he's gone and I feel different knowing that he's not here. This might be odd for some, but I was able to touch his body and speak to him right before the burial. That's something that I'd never done, but it gave me closure, and his presence is beautiful. 💜
Sorry for your loss. This is the worst feeling ever.
It is good to show emotions and you did it very well and nicely with that quality content.
@sagarkothari88 vote
Thanks for your lovely comment and support:)))
U r welcome
🤗
I know what your pain is and how you feel. You are never ready to hear that someone has lost his battle, especially when being so close to you. And a lot of time will pass before you learn how to live fully with the new setup.
Be strong and try to think of all the positive memories with your dad.
Thank you so much @mdosev
That's true. I also take solace in the fact that my dad would not like me to dwell on his death, but instead to remain focused, diligent, and determined. Things that in hindsight, he told me, knowing that this day was coming.🤗
Feel hugged ❤️
Thank you ❤️
You are strong and you are kind and you're always seeking to learn, Milly. So you will be fine. I am sure of it. All my love to you, dear friend.❤️
I am getting there daily, and when I reflect on my life over the last 10 years, I know that the universe was preparing me to deal with this loss.
That's one thing my dad told me when I last saw him, and he wouldn't lie about something like that. So thank you.
Thanks for your lovely message ❤️
You're welcome, dear. And you're loved as well.💕
Thanks, you make me blush 😊💕
I'm so so sorry for your loss, Milly. If there's any comfort, it must be in the beautiful way you honor him with these words. There's certainly a great deal of love here. I think striving to live a life that a departed loved one would be proud of is one of the noblest way of carrying them forward. <3
😊😍 Thanks for your kind and thoughtful message. Your words mean a lot to me, always:)))
I'm so sorry for your loss, dear Milly. I see how you're trying to do with this, as we're never prepared for death. Even if we keep telling ourselves it's just physical death and the beginning of a new cycle, a notion that we must embrace even if we never come to understand it fully because it's simply life, which entails deaths and rebirths.
Whatever the answer, your question about the existence of samsara reminds me a lot of the question of whether there is balm in Gilead. I am not a religious person, but I do believe that whatever comes after here and now is a rebirth and when that time comes, we will always be ready for it even if we don't understand it now.
You look good in the sun, my friend, absorbing all its positive energy. I lost my mother at the age of 21 and today, more than a couple of decades later, I still miss her, but I see her daily in me and in all of us who love her and that's my solace. I trust it will be the same for you. I sending you a big hug ❤️
Thank you:)
I'm surprised. I thought all Venezuelans were 😆 I am NOT religious either, but my dad was. He was a preacher and my entire family has unquestionably strong religious beliefs.
It must have been difficult losing your mum at such a young age and becoming the person you are today 🤗
That I agree on.
Thanks for that. I learned something new that I can research.
Strangely, I was assigned to read a Bible scripture at the funeral. Something that I NEVER do. The request was not discussed in the funeral planning, and when I saw me down for it on a draft programme, my instant reaction was to decline to do it. I thought about it, read the scripture, analysed it, and interpreted it. I went ahead as it's something my dad would have smiled at.
I have accepted his death and also know that my dad accepted dying.
Death is an interesting topic that I'm never shy of speaking about, but the questions that I have about rebirth and nirvana etc, are conflicting in many ways... due to my being non-religious, my daily practices of yoga and Qi Gong make me process and accept things in different ways.
That's beauty. That's love ❤️
The first time I encountered the Balm in Gilead theme was not in the Bible but in Poe's The Raven. The man, the speaker, asked the Raven is there was Balm in Gilead as he tried to confirm several theories by which he might've some hope that his torment for the loss of his beloved would end; in the end the Raven's answer was always the same, "Nevermore," and the suffering was all of his in his uncertainty, while his beloved would be, well, wherever she was, far away from his understanding.
There are many Catholics in Venezuela and many evangelical Christians and Jehovah's Witnesses. Well, I have a repertoire of apostolic and Roman Catholic and Protestant Catholic interjections that I use every day; things that in English would be like, Holy Mother of God! Holy Christ! For Christ Sake! And my favorite, God! As an agnostic who was raised Catholic, I answer the question of my definition of God as, "my favorite interjection", haha. I mean no offense.
Love is the best answer. Love your father and all the memories. "Love conquers all" ❤️
Wow! All this here is interestingly intriguing, and I'll need another coffee to process it all.
Thank you for your wisdom ❤️
Thank YOU for sharing your insights; it's been so heartwarming to me. Death is a difficult topic always.
Indeed! Death is a topic that many don't want to discuss, but I have no problem talking about it. His death has brought foremost some things (regarding after my passing) that I would like to put in place, that I need to do further thinking on:)
You have a very high spirit, the beautiful way you deal with mourning and grief in this post expresses wisdom.
I embrace you, I feel it and I hope to transform the pain in the moment that touches me, into something sublime.
Your father if he is in paradise, he is in the thoughts of his daughter. @millycf1976 🥹🤗
Wow! Thanks for your touching message. You got me teary-eyed just now.
I do not doubt that my dad is in a better place, and I'll remind myself daily that he'd love always to see me happy and smiling.🙏😍🤗
😊🥹🌻🌞💝
😊
My deep condolences for your loss. I wish you strength and peace. 💜
Thank you so much @thekittygirl💜🙏
Condolences from us to You.
Hed bonks and Purrs from Samantha Jo...
Heya:)
Thank you!
What a gorgeous photo. It brightens my morning😊
Have a great day:)))
My condolences @millycf1976. I hug you. No one is prepared for that moment. You do what needs to be done, feel and observe. Your idea to keep doing these things that strengthen you and help you in so many ways, of course honor him. It is a great tribute we can give to those who loved us and love us wherever they are.
Hey @nanixxx,
Thank you for this powerful message.🙏
Exactly!💯
I appreciate waking up to these words.
Have a lovely day and a great week ahead:)))
🤗 Same to you!
😊
Sorry for your loss. It is indeed a pain thing to know we won't see our dead ones again.
Sending you a big hug
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Oh, thank you so much @hivebuzz 😁
You're welcome @millycf1976! Have a nice day 😊👍
Oh dear, I'm so sorry for your loss :(
Your post is full of power and strength though and I know you will find the strength getting through this. I'm sure your father will be proud of you looking down.. You are an amazing person..
Take good care of yourself dear <3
Thanks for your kind and thoughtful comment.
I hope so. I'm glad that he got the chance to tell me that when I visited him last year, and I have so many goals that I'm planning for.
All the best wishes to you too 😍🤗
You're welcome.. Your post moved me..
Thank you for sharing such a personal thing you're going through <3
Thank you for your great compliments 😍🤗
Great work keep pushing
My eyes dampen as I read. The feeling of loss. It isn't to take even when you see it coming. It still breaks you endlessly.
And I am glad to read that you are healing in your way. Finding comfort in nature and bringing out your inner energy to embrace the life alone.
May his soul rest in peace.
Thanks for your touching message. I appreciate your thoughtful words:)))
You are welcome 😁 😊
Your yoga postures look very practical and beautiful, I congratulate you @millycf1976 yoga to strengthen body and soul.