Mirror Mirror: The Bigly Wars - A North Korean Fairytale of Modern Insecurity

INT. ROYAL CHAMBER — NORTH KOREA — NIGHT

A cavernous, velvet-draped room. A dim chandelier flickers above.
KIM JONG-UN stands before a tall, gold-framed mirror. A trembling GENERAL crouches behind it, gripping the base. The air is thick with ego and patchouli incense.

KIM JONG-UN (commanding):
Mirror, mirror on the wall...
Who is the bigliest of them all?

GENERAL (swallowing hard):
My Supreme Leader... your magnificence blinds the moon itself...
But I fear there is troubling news from the West.
An orange man, with hair like a frightened weasel and hands like overcooked dumplings...
He has... surpassed your bigliness.

KIM JONG-UN (whirls around, enraged):
WHAT?!
Impossible!
Have the people forgotten all I give them?
The rice quotas!
The precision parades!
The mandatory clapping marathons!
Even the goose-step TikTok challenge!

GENERAL (meekly):
Yes, my liege, the people are grateful...
But the American man... he seems to have magical powers.
He has given his people nothing.
He’s raised taxes, made everything more expensive—
And yet... they’ve never been more spellbound.

KIM JONG-UN (squints):
Spellbound...? Show me.

The mirror’s glass flickers to life. A video of PAM BONDI appears, glowing like a prophetic televangelist.

PAM BONDI (voice from mirror):
“In President Trump’s first 100 days, he saved 200 million people from dying of fentanyl. These were the best 100 days in the history of America!”

KIM JONG-UN (blinks, stunned):
Two hundred million?
Even that lie is too much for me!
Am I... becoming soft?

The GENERAL behind the mirror begins to visibly tremble.

GENERAL (hesitant):
M-my Leader... perhaps... we could also blame China?
It seems to work for him...

KIM JONG-UN (snaps):
CHINA?!
Are you mad!?
This mirror you're holding? It’s from China!
Otherwise, I'd be forced to look at your stupid face.

The GENERAL lets out a small whimper but stays frozen.

GENERAL:
What should we do, my Emperor?

KIM JONG-UN (paces, brooding):
Hrm... don’t worry.
I know this orange man...
We exchanged love letters once.
Maybe it’s time... we get in touch again.

He turns back to the mirror, stroking his chin.

KIM JONG-UN (whispers):
I must know his secret.
besides, I've been told he called me a smart cookie once.

End Scene

---

Afterword:

I realize I'm taking easy punches, but truthfully its too hard for me not to at this point. Listen, you be the judge. Here's a short video of what Inspired this madness.

https://x.com/atrupar/status/1917616879054537074

But wait! there's more...

Anyways. I began to think this morning that North Korea must be taking notes. Pathetic doesn't cut it.

MenO