The Matrix: Civil War Edition

So apparently, Civil War is trending now. People talking about it like it’s the next Marvel movie: pick your side, take your pill, cue the dramatic music, and boom—freedom!

Yeah… about that. Doesn’t matter if you swallow the red pill or the blue pill—you’re still waking up in the same hellhole. Here’s your “new America”:

Infrastructure collapse – Say goodbye to electricity, water, fuel, internet. Hope you enjoy your new hobby: boiling ditch water over a trash fire.

Food shortages – Grocery stores are empty in 48 hours. Hope you can trade your $80k truck for a can of Spam.

Violence and lawlessness – Police and courts? Gone. “Call 911”? Nah, the only operator available is your neighbor Carl with a shotgun and anger issues.

Currency crash – The dollar turns into Monopoly money. Your 401k becomes a 4-pack of ramen. Congratulations, you’re officially broke in two currencies.

Refugee crisis – Millions on the move. Don’t worry, FEMA will be right there… never. Get used to camping under a bridge.

Healthcare collapse – Need medicine? Surgery? Insulin? Sorry, Dr. Google and Nurse YouTube are now your healthcare providers.

And here’s the punchline: the people cheering for this?

– Radicals who think their “team” will magically win. Spoiler: chaos doesn’t pick sides.

– Middle class dreamers who think collapse = reset. Nope. Collapse = you resetting your dinner to squirrel soup.

Preppers who think they’ll rule from their bunker. Newsflash: some biker gang will eat your beans by week two.

– Foreign trolls who don’t even need to fire a shot

—they’ll just livestream America’s meltdown with popcorn.

“But it’ll make us stronger!” Sure. Just like Syria, Yugoslavia, and every other country that tore itself apart and never recovered. Best-case scenario? 20–30 years before you even get electricity back. Worst-case? Congratulations, you’re living in the world’s biggest failed state.

So yeah, if your dream is losing your house, job, savings, healthcare, and sanity while fighting over canned beans in the Walmart parking lot—Civil War is definitely your vibe.

Red pill or blue pill—it doesn’t matter. Both come with the same prize package: chaos, starvation, and America as a permanent third-world country. Civil War isn’t a revolution. It’s pressing CTRL+ALT+DEL on the entire nation.

And here’s the real kicker: when the system crashes, the elites don’t pay. They’ve got bunkers, guards, and offshore accounts. The ones paying the price are regular Americans like you and me.

So by all means, take your pill. Just don’t act surprised when “freedom” tastes a lot like boiled shoe leather.