🎭 FBI Raids Home of John Bolton, Former Trump National Security Advisor — Matrix Edition 🎬

🎪 Step right up, ladies and gentlemen, because the circus tent is open and the FBI is doing its best Matrix impression again. This week’s glitch in the system? A raid on John Bolton’s Maryland home. Yes—Bolton. The guy with the mustache that looks like it’s running its own shadow government.
Agents stormed his place “in search of classified records,” which probably means they were digging through old VHS tapes labeled The Matrix Reloaded and a couple of expired Blockbuster cards.
Cue Kash Patel, cosplaying as Morpheus, tweeting out: “NO ONE is above the law.” Sure thing, Morpheus—except every time you say that, we watch politicians bend reality like Neo dodging bullets. The laws only apply to us regular people stuck eating the blue pill called taxes.
Pam Bondi followed up with her best Oracle impression: “America’s safety isn’t negotiable.” Translation: unless there’s foreign cash, campaign favors, or a nice lobbying gig waiting after retirement. Then safety gets negotiated faster than Neo downloading kung fu.
And Dan Bongino? He plugged in too, announcing: “Public corruption will not be tolerated.” Which is hilarious, because Washington literally runs on public corruption—it’s the Wi-Fi signal in the Matrix. Without it, the whole system crashes.
So what are we really watching here? Justice? Intimidation? Or just the FBI running around like Agent Smith, trying to delete anyone who glitches out of the program?
Spoiler: just like every Matrix reboot, nothing changes. Nobody goes to jail. The credits roll, the popcorn’s gone, and taxpayers just paid $40 million for another episode of The Truman Show: D.C. Edition