To Poke The Chelsea

During my younger years I once visited a lady friend unannounced. When I got to her house I met three other ladies at her place and they were watching a movie. Normally, that was expected because she had roommates and I was just there for a casual visitation. But, the presence of the other ladies made me uncomfortable.

As much as the lady I was visiting tried to attend to me, she was busy with some other stuff before I arrived. Due to that, I had long periods of silence while fidgeting with my phone. Unbeknownst to me, the other ladies weren't comfortable with my silence either. As they were watching the movie, they raised interesting topics to get me to talk. But I wasn't showing much interest.

They talked about fashion, music and the latest gossip in town. None of those tickled my fancy until one of them mistakenly broached a topic on football. Immediately, my eyes widened as I lifted my head towards the direction of the lady. She got the memo, she knew I wanted to talk about football.

Unsurprisingly, she supported Arsenal FC because they used to be the club supported by ladies back then. However, what surprised me was her deep knowledge of the sport. She wasn't the type that argued about player comparison or which team played better football. She took her time to effectively argue tactics and patterns of play with me. I was shocked. At some point, I was so engrossed in football discussions with her that I didn't even notice the lady I came visiting was already waiting on me.

So, in response to today's prompt, the one thing I can discuss to no end is nothing other than football. And if I needed my mouth to save me from a gang of kidnappers, I'm definitely taking Chelsea down. My reason may sound silly but I think it's logical enough. In this area, 95% of males love football. Even those who play other sports still support one football club or the other.

Also, down here, Chelsea has a very huge fan base. And for every time that I've heard about football related violence in my locale, a Chelsea supporter is mostly involved. Due to that, Chelsea FC is synonymous with violence in these parts. So, based on that assertion, those kidnappers have a better chance of being a Chelsea supporter than an Arsenal or Man United's supporter.

Furthermore, the problems those Chelsea lots have caused the country already made Chelsea the club to hate amidst fans of other clubs. So, here, you either love Chelsea with passion or hate Chelsea with passion. There is no middle ground. In short, every discussion about Chelsea FC is always explosive.

To get myself out of trouble, all I need to do is start a discussion about Chelsea. Assuming the kidnappers are a gang of four, there is a high chance one of them will be a non Chelsea supporter. All I need to say is all Chelsea fans are nothing but scum of the earth.

Of course, the bastards will be annoyed, but the one who is not a Chelsea fan will find it so funny, laugh so hard at his peers and then take over the argument. Before you know it, the kidnappers will be embroiled in a bitter battle amidst themselves that they will have to eject me, the rabble rouser, out of their vehicle. And voila, I'll be free. Wishful thinking, right?

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