My Struggle With Self-Expression

We often hear that as our faces are different, so are our problems. What concerns me might be something another person doesn't find problematic at all. We all have our strengths and challenges. For me, one of the most difficult weaknesses I have is my struggle with being free around people and expressing myself. If you see me for the first time, you might consider me to be shy because of how quiet I choose to be.

Personally, I hate this because it has robbed me of many opportunities for growth. This trait has restricted me in so many aspects, impeding both my personal and professional development. Just in the office where I work, there are tasks my boss wants to assign to me, but the next thing I hear is, "Mary can't do this, I need someone who can deliver this perfectly. Let's try Bridget." And who is Bridget? She is the complete opposite of me.

She's very outspoken and believes strongly in herself. She doesn't believe in saying, "It's not possible" or "I can't do it." She always wants to be seen doing everything and doesn't want anyone else to take the spotlight. She wants to be the one noticed, appreciated, and in control. The last thing she would do is try to teach someone else to be like her; it even bothers her when she sees others trying to step up or do what she feels only she can deliver.

When I started working in the shop, I saw how Bridget was everywhere, always the one doing everything for the company, and I was impressed, thinking I had found someone to emulate who could help me become the best version of myself. However, she was the opposite of what I thought. Asking her questions was like trying to get blood from a stone. When I realized she was the type who didn't want to teach others, I decided to use her as an inspiration to fight my struggle with self-expression. Working in the media department, we were responsible for showcasing our products to the world by creating content and coming up with mind-blowing ideas. But there I was, stuck in my shell, always by myself, unable to vibe like others, not doing the things my teammates were doing.

This trait is not something that started recently; it began in my teenage years. I grew up around rich kids who looked down on those beneath their standards, making them feel useless and unworthy of speaking up. I always felt like a shadow when I was around them, and this feeling stayed with me as I grew older. It's a big challenge for me at work. Sometimes, this trait has kept me from expressing myself, even when I have something valuable to say or know I can effectively film a particular video. Many have mistaken my silence for timidity, a lack of confidence, or an inability to face the camera. I have heard so much negativity.

The childhood experience pushed me to recognize this as a weakness, especially when I was constantly sidelined. Having this trait and it being so noticeable is something I don't like because it has no positive impact on my life. This is one of the reasons I decided to take a bold step to change it. I had to change the misconception because of the interpretations others gave to my silence.

Gradually, I started coming out of my comfort zone to prove Bridget wrong, to show that she wasn't the only one who knew everything in the store. I had to do what I thought I couldn't do in order to accomplish what I needed to. My first attempt was a shock to myself and everyone else. I spoke with confidence, and everyone applauded my performance. Gradually, I started contributing to conversations in the shop, just to feel included and step out of my shell. That first attempt wasn't easy, and subsequent ones haven't been either, but my daily efforts have helped me overcome my fear. My practice has taught me that self-expression is not about being perfect; it's about being prepared and knowing what to say.

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