The Weight Of Kindness.

Well, I won't be talking about food, drinks or something of sort. There's this thing that makes me look at myself and wonder why I cant just stop. Like, what's wrong? Can't I just stop, cant i just turn a blind eye, can't I say no?.

The thing is I love to help, but then it kind of increased sometimes ago when I passed through a phase and people came through for me too, ever since then, I've always love to come through for people too, sometimes it's about helping out with something, lending a listening ear, squeezing myself and my schedule just so to be there for somebody too. I've always felt this push to be there for people. And over time, it's kind of becoming overwhelming. I talk do not gave much time for myself anymore as people now see me as someone they could lean on and confide in.

It's never as if I took it for granted, what do I even know, but then, it is what it is. Recently I had to stop the anonymous stuffs that I do where people say stuffs they could say openly and get thiwr minds poured out or seek advice. I had to remind myself I'm human too, and I definitely need some break. But it's not been that easy stepping back, I still have people who come straight to my DM and let it out, I can't push them away. And when such happens, before you know it, I'm deeply involved again. If I don't, this guilty conscience won't allow me to rest.

And to be honest with you, it is good to be good and it is good to do good, but if you can relate well with me, you will agree with me that it often get to a time when you feel heavy. The weight on you will be too much, it's not as if you want it to be that way, but you can't just let go. The only way it gets reduced is if you stop doing good, the more food you do, the heavier it becomes, and if you decide to just stop, then guilt becomes heavier.

I know a lot of us have this habit of doing for others while we kind of forget ourselves and our well-being. But then, even though life will always do it's things, bring stuffs your way and make you feel somehow, still there are times it comes with breaks too. It's not as if what I'm into is bad, but sometimes it's just ok to let go and not take it all in.

So, I will like to end on this note. The truth is, it's not that easy, but then I find it hard to stop, I have tried letting go and reducing it to some extent, still it seems helping others is part of who I am. And anytime the weight seems to be so much on me, I tell it to God, and then get a bottle of coke. It sounds funny, but then when you see me drink coke, just know it's a little bit overwhelming for me and I need that cold fizzling drink to go down my throat and make me feel calm for a moment.

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