The Gift Of Presence — LOH #278

I can vividly remember that night in the hospital where I was apologizing, it has gotten to an extent that....even words can't describe the pain I'm in and the debts my parents are in. I was already apologizing to them for being alive. I've began to see my myself as a burden. That night in the hospital when I told my mum I'm sorry, she didn't even respond, she just looked at me and laughed.

My dad at tht moment ja stepped out to receive a call, and I can tell you in all honesty that the call was about money. Maybe he just didn't want me to feel somehow, cause he's already into so much debt. I had had to undergo several surgeries and the bills hasn't stopped rising. There are times I pretend to have slept off and I will hear them discuss how happy they are that I'm able to sleep, whereas the pain wouldn't allow me too, I just want them to feel better as at least have some time to rest as well.

One particular night, I had just undergo another surgery like two night before and I am see the stress and weight on everyone. Those taking care of me now looks even more sick than I am. I just woke up that day and find my mum arranging the small table near my bed in the hospital room.

"Mum, I'm sorry for stressing and putting everyone into this." I said with my voice sounding faint.

She looked at me and paused with what she was doing. Seh acted like she wanted to talk, then change her mind and continued with what she was doing. But suddenly, just as if something had triggered her, she dropped the bag of drugs in her hand and faced me.

"Who are you stressing?" She asked.

"I know all of this is too much for you, the sleepless nights, the money.... everything." I replied.

"Toyosi, don't think about this things, your health is our priority, you are our son." She responded and sat by my side on the bed.

Tears dropped from my eyes as she said that. Then she continued....

"We are not calculating or counting how much is being spent, if it finishes, we will look for more, we will borrow, we will sell whatever we can. But you? You're irreplaceable."

That night, I wished the pains on my surgery sites in my stomach will allow me cry the way I want to. But it kept keeping and drawing me back.

After the conversation we had that night, I felt a shift inside of me. Not that the pain or debt had disappeared, but the loneliness and such that I've felt disappeared.

So, if I could chose one simple joy that the world really needs more elf, it is the joy of staying. Someone staying by your side to remind you that you're not alone, that you're not a burden, someone reminding you that no matter what and no matter how hard it gets they will keep on choosing you.

There are times the only thing needed is just someone being there with you and telling you, "I'm not going anywhere."

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Images are mine.

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