My Unexpected Friendships.

There was a time when I thought friendship was just about one's choice, and don't be amazed; that was just my thought back then. I used to think all that was needed for me was to scan my school, street, or just scan whatever environment I found myself in and pick someone whose vibe seemed to match mine and stick to them. But life, in all of its beauty, had shown me otherwise. Today, I can tell you that most of my realest, closest and deepest friends were those I met or bumped into by accident.

Let's take Blessing for example; she was someone I would never have thought we could be friends, not to talk of being close. I knew her from home, and it was just greetings, nothing much. Even my mom was not really a fan of...you know. But then, we later met in the polytechnic. I rented a house outside of school, and she happened to be my neighbor as well. And that was the beginning of a friendship I never planned. We started talking, borrowing power banks, borrowing salt, Maggi, and the like, and that was it. I never thought I and Blessing would end up being this close. I had a neighbor while I was in secondary school as well; the dad of this girl is the one who do convey us to school every blessed morning. We were in DMSE class and all, but believe me, we never talked; the most we did was greet each other. Some of my classmates then find it hard to believe we were neighbors. So our friendship was definitely something I didn't even plan.

Most of these things/friendships just come in uninvited and unplanned. I learned that with Blessing. I and Blessing became so inseparable; we weren't doing the same course, but we were very close. We ate together, we did things together, and we went to fellowship together. The way we fight over a piece of meat or fish makes people believe we were either related or dating. Even her mom now sees me as her son. I can even say that I was the reason both our mothers became a little closer. I visit them, she visits back, and my mom reaches out to her anytime she's not able to reach me and vice versa. When I was sick for some time, she was one of the people who showed up and cared for me, and when I finally resumed going back to school, she wouldn't allow me to do any stressful tasks. The truth remains that I never chose her; life just happened to work things out and dropped her in my path, and guess what...she stayed.

Now, not everyone or every friendship that life drops in one's path or is born out of circumstance does have a sweet ending. I once had a friend, a very close one at that; he was the lively type. With Ayo (not his real name), there was never a dull moment. And in no time, we became friends, and I trusted him. I shared various things with him, including ones that are personal...my fears, struggles, family, aspirations, and all. To me, I had found a brother... But then, betrayal came. Things started happening; I started hearing things, including ones I know only he knows about. I confronted him, and he played innocent. I let it go. One particular evening, I was just returning; I was about to step into the corridor when I heard him laughing with others and casually disbursing my secret. It hit me so hard. That was when I knew that some friendships, even though they came by chance, have their longevity or survival depend on choice. To stay or to walk away.

So, to the questions. Do we really choose our friends, or do circumstances choose for us? I do say it’s both. Life brings various people into our circle...a seat partner in school, a neighbor, a church member, a colleague at work, and so on. But friendship goes beyond just meeting them; friendship is about those moments after the meetings... It's about the moments of trust, of loyalty, and the decision to still hold on or to let go.

Today, I check my circle and can see that most of the friends I have were not those I picked or searched for. They were those I met by accident, friendships and closeness that weren't planned, bonds that are beautiful, friendships that were unexpected, even though sometimes they are painful too. And if you ask me why those bonds last the rest of time, the simple answer is that at some point, I choose to let them matter. And we can say it's a matter of fate too; fate most times decides who comes into one's life, but choice decides who really stays.

All pictures are mine.

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