Beyond The Facade: A Father's Silent Sorrow.

The very first time I would ever see my dad cry was a certain day he was just sitting bu himself near the window, he didn't know I was watching. I saw him reading a letter and after then he crumpled if. I was returning back from school on that particular day, I tiptoed cause I don't want them to know, I just want to catch him by surprise, but what I saw..... he was just crying a very silent cry, but tears were streaming down his face.

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Guess what...the letter in his hand was mine I had written it the night before, that night he had yelled on my younger sister for spilling oil on the only rug we had in the house, my kid sis is only six for God's sake, why will he shout at her that way, I went to bed full of anger that night and I poured all of it into one of my notebook page I tore. I wrote that I hated how he treated us his "his self acclaimed children" like prisoners, I include how I wish we had a different father and that I would run away one day with my sis and we will never show up again.

I never wanted him to see it, I had even forgotten I wrote anything of sort, I had it hidden in one of my textbooks, well it happened that I forgot that particular textbook on the table while rushing for school in the morning, he must have found it while clearing the house while we are gone..

I didn’t know how to confront or apologize to him either. I just try my best in avoiding him for the next few days, he still help me with certain things, he still help me pack for school, he still takes us to the junction where the school bus often pick us, but I know something has changed, my thought was...maybe he now hates me.

After about three weeks, he went out on a weekend and returned home with puff puff, that's my favorite snack, he didn't even say a word, he just dropped it beside me and went to his room....That was his apology.

Till now, we never talk about the letter. Our parents aren't superheros, they feel bad too, they cry too, they break as well, just that they hardly show it.

Now that I’m much older, I atimes wonder what actually made him cry, which part hit him that much, I wrote it with my own little understanding, so what part actually triggered that.... I also wonder if he has forgiven me wholeheartedly.

I am older now and I very well understand better, am now changed, am seeing things now as well.....We just have to look tough, it's not easy doing and bearing it all, the economy alone is enough for one to react anyway.

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I still plan to give him another later someday, maybe very soon, one that will make him smile, one that would consist of appreciation and more....One that would read..."Thank you for being a father indeed, thank you for staying even when it wasn't easy, thank you for all you do, thank you for standing in the gap........" And here I am already imagining the great smile on his face😊.

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