Behind The Tough Face: The Untold Story Of My Dad.

There’s someone I know, someone who is very close to me, once upon a time, I misunderstood this person too. Most people now misunderstood him also, and each time I think about it, I understand why, but I also feel pained because I know how hard it is to carry that weight. This person is my dad. I know of people who have amazing dads who are like superheroes and I know others whose stories could break your heart. Mine is somewhere in between, people don't see him the way I do, and they tend to conclude/judge very quickly.

To the world, my dad is a strict, no-nonsense kind of man who barely smile or crack a joke. He shows up at community meetings folding arms, nodding and hardly talking. They tag/call him proud and that he always thinks he's way better. Even at family meetings, he's always there, sitting quietly, analyzing every word. People do say he's too serious, he doesn't fit in, he's too cold and all, I do see the kind of eyes they use in looking at him, when I was younger, I always wish he could just be like all other dad.

What people don't know is that, my dad grew up fighting for everything he’s ever had. As the eldest of about eight siblings, he became a father figure before he even knew what being a child felt like. His own dad passed away when he wasstill very young and from that moment, he had to become a man. There was no room for weakness, smiling or laughing. He hustled, struggled, went to school and made sure his siblings went to school too. He built himself up, right from the lowest. And having come of age, I understand that his(my dads) younger days was what caused all these, his experiences, what he has seen and went through doesn't allow him to be soft, that’s why his words come out firm and his actions seem guarded. He’s spent a lifetime building walls to protect himself and everyone he loves.

Then, when I was little, I thought he didn’t love me. He never said the words, he never hugged me like I saw on TV. He would just drop money on the table for school fees, fix broken things around the house, and give his stern lectures when I messed up. It took me time to know that this man is lovely, he's good, it was what he has went through that turned him out this way. He's really loving, just that he showed his love by being responsible, by teaching us to be strong and not settle for less, by making sure we never lacked. He taught me that life, especially this part where we come from doesn’t hand out rewards for softness.

One day like that, he was sitting alone outside and staring into the sky with that heavy look on his face. I summoned every courage within me and asked just one question of all that I have wanted to ask...Dad, why don’t you ever tell us you love us? He didn’t look at me immediately, he just kept staring, maybe he was thinking of the best response, maybe he wanted to tell his story, maybe........and when he finally spoke, his voice was rough, he said... “ son, some words are too heavy to say, but I love you, my father never told me that also, but I knew. I didn’t say anything back because back then I didn’t know how to respond. I just sat next to him, closer than I have ever dared.

And ever since that day, I started seeing him differently. I realized that love doesn’t always come in soft and that not everyone knows how to show it in obvious ways. My dad has lived a life shaped by hardship, and while people see a proud, emotionless man, I see someone who has loved fiercely, even if he doesn’t know how to say it.

He may never be the kind of dad that hugs, but I know now that he really did loved me, us. He’s not perfect, but he’s my dad and that’s more than enough for me.

Don't always judge next time you see someone who seems too tough, too quiet, or too proud, we should always remember that everyone has a story, and sometimes those who seem the hardest to love are the ones who love the hardest.

All pictures are mine.

There are various entries organized by @leogrowth.
This post is in collaboration with the @hivenaija community and an entry to day 18 of #marchinleo in #inleo,I am inviting you to also check it out,so as to partake in various interesting writing prompts.

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