Real Power of "Please": Beyond Politeness
We were taught to believe that there is a magic word that could open up any door and make it easy for us to relate well with others. It is something we grow up with, knowing saying “please” is polite and the epitome of good manners. However, in a recent study, this idea was turned on its head by proposing that “please” may be more strategic than it is polite.
According to sociologists at UCLA who carried out the research, people don’t use ‘please’ as much as we might think. In fact, it was used in only 7% of requests observed. By its limited use, the word ‘please’ shows that it is not just a mark of general courtesy but rather a specific weapon used in circumstances where resistance is anticipated.
Recall moments when you have had to say “please” before your request. This often happens whenever you ask for something expecting disagreement. For instance, asking your busy friend to help you move or requesting for favour from someone whom they have been uncooperative before. The study discovered that “Please” tends to occur mostly within such contexts so as to soften any potential inconvenience possibilities.
To this end, the investigators observed several interactions such as casual family dining and workplace talk to find that ‘please’ often appears when the person asked has indicated a lack of interest or is caught up in something else. This deliberate use of ‘please’ aims at reducing friction and increasing the likelihood of getting a positive response.
Diez (2010) found it interesting that children also employ the term “please” for similar reasons as adults do. From an early age, it seems that we view please as an argumentative linguistic device rather than a general politeness marker.
However, misusing "please" can backfire on you. It may appear fake or even aggressive where there is no need for it. For instance, saying "please" over and over again to someone who is clearly occupied might look more like manipulation than actual plea for help.
According to this study, politeness should be rethought in our society with an emphasis on more context-specific communication practices. Instead of being fixated on particularities such as always saying “please,” it is important that we comprehend how our words impact others.
This strategy permits sincere and efficient interactions.
Politeness is not a mere word; it is something more complex than that which we can use towards people strategically to fit into certain social norms.
With this awareness, we will be able to communicate more effectively and considerately. So next time you are about to say “please”, think about where you are and who you are addressing. It might make all the difference.
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