During these past few days, the conversation that I mostly heard are basically “how will my mom afford her life ?” and whether if I had a job and help my family out. Little did they know for almost a decade I never skimp on my family. I poured a lot of money for them, without ever thinking about it. I was the breadwinner being responsible for every bill left and right. I can’t lie but hearing that it triggered my humane response. As much as I have learned to never cared about it, there are moments when I do. After all, I am just a human.

Most of the time, I am not the kind of person who sweat over recognition and external validation. It doesn’t cross my mind at all whenever I am helping my family or someone. It doesn’t even cross my mind that people are taking advantage of me. I just don’t really care about any of that except when someone is suddenly mentioning to me about it. Even so, I don’t really care, what comes around goes around, that’s how I see life.

Yet during those recent days, I can’t help to think that these people had the audacity to ask those question despite some of them are well-aware of my contribution to the family. Much like my online life, my real life is considered pretty mysterious too. I just don’t say much about what I do and such, I like it that way since that helps with a peace of mind and avoid unnecessary drama. You can say I have a certain trauma of telling people I know or family about who I really am. So, I do my best to live within my own world, being self-sufficient and doing whatever my heart pleases.

Usually, if I find out family or anyone talk ill about me or being uncooperative, I avoid them like a plague. Once it’s over, it’s over for them and I’d consider them oblivious. It has happened many times & this is why, I am pretty self-sufficient. I just don’t blurt out the world “help” like it’s just that word people do so easily. I’d rather die than ask for help. It’s that serious.

When you don't seek external validation....

I learned early on to never really seek for external validation for everything is vain. It frees up so much in my mind that I do things because I love and I am happy about it. With quite a bit of death in my family recently, I kept thinking about the idea of legacy we left behind and how we would want to be remembered, about their hard work and contribution their entire lives.

Everyone I know who died, has contributed something throughout their entire lives. They may not change the world at large but they change lives of the people around them. Their kindness and the goodness they do are the legacy they live as a human being. A lot of their hard work and contribution may feel like it goes unnoticed but it’s actually not.

Everyone I know who died, their contribution throughout their lives is being remembered one way or another. They have shaped a certain person to be the person they are. Their legacy that they left don’t die with them. It continues, manifested into a person whose life they’ve impacted. It will continue as long as the person who carries the torch also teaches the same kindness and good things around them.

So, when you feel like your contribution goes unnoticed now, know that you probably changed a person or two. Know that the things you do could impact someone and that’s the legacy you leave around and that’s how you would be remembered.

I thought about this a lot that I’ll continue to work as hard as I could simply because I love it and I’ll continue doing what I think is good cause one day that’s going to be the legacy I left behind and how I would want to be remembered.

How would you want to be remembered?

In another note, I am easing up myself back to the routine. It feels weird for not checking out on stuff as much as the usual. I don’t know what’s going on lately but soon I’ll catch up. I couldn’t believe it’s been about a week since my father passed and things have been pretty hectic since.

I had some reviews line up and some more blogs I need to publish. My to-do list is quite a backlog and I am trying to crunch them one day at a time since only today I got my energy back.

Just a day before my father passed, I tried this coffee that has fish collagen in it. That was such a weird coffee that I still need to talk about. So, that’s lined up on my next blog.

Now, I am still waiting for my mom to be able to go out since we’ll have some trips planned. I am not sure where to yet but I know a few places in mind that we’ll be heading too. Besides, I am also waiting for the weather to be fine and since I want to respect my mom wish to be culturally appropriate, it will be in time during the summer that my mom will be able to roam around, just the best time to go where the sandy beach awaits and where the palm trees happily greeting us. Until then and see you around!