I learned that phrase a long time ago from Jordan Peterson and I have seen that sentence phrased differently in many different ways. For me, I resonate with the idea since back in the day I found that to be true.

When I started a journey as a minimalist, having everything cleaned, removed a lot of mental space for me. At the time, it wasn’t that challenging because I live in a tiny room with only a few items. This time, it gets more challenging because I no longer live alone and the house is bigger than what I used to live in.

Not only that, this time it has become quite a power struggle where I share the space with my mother, whom though I love very much, we're constantly in a power struggle.

For the last couple of months, I’ve been living surrounded by clutter that isn’t mine which felt like suffocating. Most of the things aren't even mine to begin with and surrounded by clutter almost daily can feel draining too.

I’ve only noticed how I feel about the house when I constantly feel having no energy around there. You know that feeling when you don’t feel comfortable being in it for too long but you’re forced to be there? That’s just the way it felt.

Have you tried making it liveable?

Well, I did. In many ways I can by customizing the house in ways I could afford. Still, as I’ve said, it would’ve been better if we could turn it down and start anew, it would have been simpler. I've been telling myself that this is the discomfort of a new chapter and this might not be permanent. This is a stepping stone, to be a better version of myself- or so I said.

But the problem isn’t entirely myself. It’s my mother where I have to accommodate her hoarding behavior. She didn’t want to let go of things that easily and rarely compromise. This is where most things are super challenging and even to this day, I am trying my best to co-exist.

So,I learned to actually stop cleaning her space or meddling with the things she owned. As long as it is mine, I have the right to clean, donate, de-clutter and throw without needing a second or third opinion.

At the same time, I think being a minimalist is more than just about things but also how we approach living too. For example, my mother is a typical Asian mother, who likes to compare. She got caught up in the idea of “Grass is greener on the other side” all the time where it gets challenging to live with her. Nobody should be normalizing this type of behavior considering, I am also the breadwinner here and keep the house warm and what not. Eventhough, gaslighting is just another normality that I guess most Asians have to deal with their parents, I am very much opposed to normalizing it. I will fight tooth and nail for that.

After some reflection, it all becomes clearer to me because I see the house as comfort traps. It’s a place I grew up in and many horrible things happened as well as the good ones.My mother is certainly enabling all of my behavior that I did as a kid. Like back in the day, everything had always been done for me. I never had to lift a finger and did chores. Ever since coming back home, she tries to do all that for me and I am not going to lie, it is all pretty comfortable but they come at cost as she slowly loses respect for me which now I’ve noticed becoming more apparent. This is something intolerable because I don’t believe in the idea that you can’t have your cake and eat it too. I feel sorry for all that and to her but that’s where I draw the line. In the end, writing this helps to remind me of my failures, mistakes and things I should never do in life ever again. Last but not least, to stay within what I believe in as a person.