A Recluse’s Quest to Return to Life 10/25/2025

On my way home inside the dining car from my first weekly meeting with the other remote workers, I sat across from a man in his 50’s. He ordered dinner and tea then earnestly prayed. He smiled at me and said, “bon appetite!” Somehow, we started talking about the current economy, the work, and he wondered if I wasn’t from around there. To him, I look like someone from his area, far up north and not even from Java. Maybe based on that familiarity, we started talking.

We talked for about 30 minutes and eventually I learned his name and he learned mine. For some reason, I’ve been having similar encounters, fleeting great encounters that just showed me how inspiring life can be.

I wonder if people can feel when someone is just so present and genuine. I wasn’t like this even two weeks ago. In fact, I was writing about how miserable I was not moving around and staying in a fixed location. I even started a series A Recluse’s Quest to Return to Life 10/1/2025. Just imagine that. Now, it feels like I am walking through beds of flowers.

This time around, I don’t know where it would lead me and I am keeping that way with this quest to be more normal and myself again.

Like something in me just flipped and switched that I can’t stop infecting people with my joyous energy.

Attending Hivefest was like the manifestation of how I wanted to be normal and connected to society again. And somehow, I got more than just connected to society again. I started to feel sparks of life returning in ways unimaginable to me. It’s such a challenging emotion to contain and even writing this down now, I have to let myself to sit still and think about all that.

And you know who you are. Whether you’ll read this or not but you know who you are, the cause I am feeling this way again.

Sometimes I wonder if that had been the drink but after a few days, that feeling stays there. Typically, I would be shy pouring out my secrets and all the things I did. I would retreat somewhere and nowhere to be seen again. But this time, I felt like I didn’t want to hide, I wanted to stay. I wanted that person to look at the world from my point of view or maybe invited me to look at the way they see it.

I don’t know if this would be one of those eternal sunshine types of feelings.

As I’ve been pretty much recluse for many years and living as an observer, this time I am getting the chance to actually live and enjoy it. For a fleeting moment, I was reminded of what it was like to be alive, to feel and to see the world brighter than it actually is. I swear, it’s like I was ready for whatever shit life throws at me and I am saying “ Let’s sail these rough seas!”

Sometimes I can’t believe all these things that I am writing here could be a manifestation on its own. Pouring out what I thought so candidly, almost like a prayer itself and the universe conspires to grant it by sending me people my way or even experiences I would have never otherwise experienced.

And right now, my heart is just so full of gratitude.

I do not want to change a bit about the way I write here. It’s still me, documenting life in and my creative outlet. If my life changed or the seasons of life changed, I’d still find one way or another to write out what I am feeling and experiencing. Whether it’s cheesy, corny or over the top, at this point, I don’t really care much.

Nothing has changed and this is still me, in my quest as a former recluse returning to life which maybe has its ending, someday, hopefully.