Age gap in relationship - With understanding, no big deal

A relationship requires a lot of understanding if both parties involved want to make it work. There are many things that can attract two people to each other. It could be beauty, character, wealth, and even age for some people. I have read about some people who make their search for a potential spouse public and list certain age brackets as part of the criteria.

There are many factors that can discourage someone from starting a relationship with another person. One of these factors, for some people, is age. I don't have any issue with the age gap when it comes to relationships, but the difference should be one that can be coped with. A potential couple that has the plan of having kids when married would, of course, be cognizant of the age bracket. The age should be in the range of childbearing age. Aside from this consideration, I don't see any problem in dating or marrying a partner that is older or younger if the maturity to handle the relationship is there.

When it comes to marriage in Africa, especially in Nigeria, culture and major religious beliefs demand that the man be the head of the family. Due to the expectation that everyone else respects the words of the head, it is believed that being older than the wife would facilitate such respect better. It is for this reason that, in most cases, a man is expected to be older than his wife. I have come across many women who told me that they can't be under the authority of a younger spouse. As simple as it may appear, it is something that requires sincerely reflection.

When two people are in love, the deep affection can prevent both parties from discussing some necessary issues like age differences. I once witnessed a marriage in which the wife was older than the husband by about five years. The wedding was superb, and the part where the wife kneeled to feed her husband kola nuts as tradition demands melted my heart. Many people, including me, declared right there that age is just a number.

A few years later, the marriage began to witness some crises. It got to a point that either party was accusing the other of taking advantage of the age gap to act the way he or she did. The husband said that the wife wasn't respecting him because she was older than him, while the wife was blaming herself and regretting marrying an immature man. The reality dawned on them, and they felt that they made a mistake in marrying each other. The marriage hit a brick wall, and both parties went their separate ways. The little I heard about the cause of their misunderstanding convinced me that both of them weren't just mature enough to handle the age gap. Low self-esteem creeped in.

It is easier to overlook such an age gap while dating because both parties may be faking some characters. When a relationship transforms into marriage, it's a different ballgame. In an instance where a man is older than the wife, problems don't normally arise on the basis of the age gap. Such gaps are expected in the society. The only instance where such an age gap can bring a little friction is when the man is very much older than the wife, like having a man in his sixties marry a lady in her twenties. That's different generations. When a relationship that was supposed to be that of a father and daughter on account of age is now that of a husband and wife, there may be problems in blending with each other.

If what I discuss above can be handled maturely, I don't see any problem with the age gap in relationships. I have seen a marriage where the woman is older than the husband, and their love and respect are enviable. They are still waxing stronger in love.

Before two people of a reasonable age gap come together for a relationship, they should have a sincere discussion about the age difference. If both are on the same page, they are good to go. The point of age gaps shouldn't come up each time there is misunderstanding. Once any misunderstanding can be seen as what it is without ascribing it to an age difference, there won't be a problem with such an age gap.

Once the needed love and understanding is there, age is just a number when it comes to relationships.