Aggression, Submission and Assertion

With the increase of electric cars and the shortage of charging points, there have been reports of long queues and arguments over who should use the next free point. Some people are aggressive, some give up, and others stand their ground.

What is your approach when you find yourself in a conflict? Are you aggressive, submissive or assertive? Whether your approach is part of your personality or a choice you make to match the situation, it’s a good idea to understand what these approaches are and the effects they are likely to have.

Aggression

Definition

You:

• try to get what you want in any way that works;
• often give rise to bad feelings in others;
• threaten, flatter, manipulate, fight.

You don't:

• respect other people's rights to have their needs met;
• look for situations where you can both get what you want.

Effects on you

Short-term gains:

• Reduced tension.
• You get what you want.

Long-term loss:

• Feeling guilty/ashamed.
• Increase in anger, hurt, self-pity.
• Sense of isolation, internal tension, anxiety.

Effects on others

They:

• feel angry, hurt, humiliated;
• retaliate overtly or covertly;
• restrict further contact with you.

Result

Lose-Lose

---

Submission

Definition

You:

• hope that you will get what you want;
• repress your feelings;
• rely on others to guess what you want.

You don't:

• ask for what you want;
• express your feelings;
• usually get what you want;
• get noticed.

Effects on you

Short-term gain:

• You avoid conflict and please others.

Long-term loss:

• Growing lack of self-esteem, increase in anger, hurt, self-pity, internal tensions, anxiety;
• increase in anger, hurt and self-pity.

Effects on others

• They lose respect for you.
• They feel sorry for you.
• They feel guilty or indifferent.
• They feel irritated.
• They restrict further contact with you.

Result

Lose - Win

---

Assertion

Definition

You:

• ask for what you want directly, openly and appropriately;
• have rights;
• ask confidently and without undue anxiety.

You don't:

• disregard other people's rights;
• Expect other people to know what you want by magic or telepathy.
• Freeze up with anxiety.

Effects on you

Short-term gain:

• Increased chance of needs being met.

Long-term gain:

• Increased self-confidence.
• Increased responsibility for self.
• Sense of identification with others.
• Saving energy and reducing anxiety.

Effects on others

• They feel respected and valued.
• They respond more positively and openly.
• They seek further contact with you.

RESULT

Win-Win

---

Originally published on LearningPages.org