How do you deal with bored people?
I confess - this past week I came dangerously close to being bored. A terrible sin in my book. In my defense, I will plead extenuating circumstances as I was stuck in a Romanian beach resort that didn’t quite catch up with the 21st century. Nothing to do at night, especially if your companion is a teenager looking forward to never spending another such trip with mommy. We did enjoy the concert we went there for, but by the last day of our stay we became concerned with suicide prevention, for the locals condemned to spend their lives there. We owe our survival to the kind people at a beach bar that offered us cool lemonade, a bit of shade and a great view.
The concept of boredom is of particular interest to me as I know various people suffering from this condition. In my natural habitat, left to my own devices I am never bored. I don’t find myself wondering what to do until bedtime, nor do I engage in activities simply to “kill time”.
I wish I could say I pity people who complain of being bored, but frankly I don’t understand them. With the household chores we all have to deal with, there’s precious little time to spend on pleasurable activities. That is if you’re able to find pleasure in life.
We are born with a natural inclination to find enjoyment even in the simplest of things. A child will find pleasure in banging a pot on the table or playing with a ragged one-eyed doll if there’s no one to entertain them. A trip to the store is an adventure for them and the world is full of wonders.
When do we lose our capacity to find enjoyment in life? Is it in school when you’re told every day that you must pay attention to mind-numbing stuff and not day-dream? Is it when you leave school and you’re told you need to work hard, make lots of money and forget about doing stuff that actually makes you happy? They’ll tell you there will be time enough for pleasurable activities once you’ve paid the mortgage and the kids have fled the coop. Only by that time nothing interests you anymore.
People afflicted with boredom are no fun to be around. Since they have nothing to do they often resort to inventing problems. Usually health problems that warrant your pity or things that need fixing with a lot of money and effort. The worst kind of bored people are those who assume you’re just like them and have nothing better to do with your life so they try to drag into their imaginary problems.
Do you have such people in your life? How do you deal with them?
How many times is one required to say “Oh, I’m so sorry to hear that” when you thought that particular problem got solved months ago? You might come across as rude if you start ignoring bored people, but you have your mental health to consider. Their negative attitude to life is contagious and before you know it you might find yourself seeing problems everywhere.
On the other hand, such people are useful as a reminder that you might become one of them if you lose your capacity to enjoy life!
P.S. - The reason I haven’t been very active lately is that my main focus used to be politics. I can’t write about politics and world events anymore as I don’t understand what’s going on. Also, of the terrible crimes going on I’d have very nasty things to say so I prefer not to.
Images are my own.
I think of boredom as a sign of a time of reflection. To just sit down and breathe and breathe some more. Be bored. It's good for you. It's the moment when people become creative. It's where that sparks originates from.
When people become bored, if managed rightly, they can invent, create and spark new ideas from that boredom.
To me boredom is not something to avoid but to embrace.
So, how do I deal with bored people?
I don't.
I let them be bored. I don't add anything. I just tell them to sit on it. Be bored. And then carry on with my day as usual.
Great to see you writing again! As I was reading your post I was reminded of a trip I took in the 1990's to the deep south—McCondy Mississippi to be exact. We were visiting my ex-wife's grandmother who lived off a dirt road in the country and the next neighbor was about a half a mile away. We were there for a week and the first few days were excruciatingly boring but we all just kind of adjusted. Being from the city I had never experienced life at that slow of a pace ever. I don't even think she got a television signal out there because we never watched TV. After that initial transitionary period we shifted our attention to conversations, reading, cards, and board games. I imagine that's what life was like for a lot of people before technology and I was glad I got to experience it for a week. It was cleansing.
Now chronically bored people are different altogether and are a pet-peeve of mine. I equate chronic boredom with laziness. I have a few people in my life like this and, you're right, they begin to invent their own stress and problems. When I was younger I guess I was "nicer" and would indulge them but as I've grown older I've learned that tough love is called that for a reason because sometimes people need it to keep them from self-destructing.
At least it was a memorable trip :) unlike some of the modern trips where you cram so many attractions and activities you end up remembering nothing. I'm all for slow-paced trips and taking in the atmosphere, only in this case the atmosphere was dreary. Oh, well, lesson learned :)
I think the last time I was bored was waiting to be called for an appointment, sitting next to about twenty people in a place who kept talking about the same thing over and over again. Honestly, I was dying to get out of there... sometimes it's a bit hard to understand people's repetitive anxiety... basically, they can't control themselves... Especially those who have created a brochure of complaints and calamities to share with everyone who comes by... and that's a purely poisonous act that silently annihilates you.
Honestly: being bored is for those who have lost or haven't found a normal direction in life. Sometimes I feel like I don't have enough hours in the day, but I also imagine I'm not managing my schedule well, and it's time to reorganize a bit... and when I feel stuck, I just stop, take a breath, do other things that refresh the other side of my brain, and after a while I'm ready to move on.
As for politics, there's no need to talk about it, although sometimes I can't resist keeping up with the latest news...no matter how chilling it may be.
:) That is why God in his infinite wisdom created night. At night you can feel free to do whatever it is that you want. I guess this is why I've been a night owl all my life.
The night definitely helps us clear up some unfinished business... especially with the peace and quiet we need. Even if the next day I look like a zombie...😅...but happy.
Shoutout to Eric Vance Walton for the repost - this is a wonderful introduction to your writing!
Your wit, pace and insight are a welcome read on a restful Sunday.
As a father who stays with 3 little ones 5 and under during the day, wonder, boredom, and adventure are a regular theme of our day. I confess that the boredom used to be my focus as I thought little ones were keeping me from work. Now, I find myself enjoying the adventures that each day provides and making lists for working once they are asleep. The day flows so much better this way and mental health is exceedingly better. As with most things in life, boredom is perspective. A big person may see a box and think recycle it and get it out of the house. Whereas a child, can see an airplane, a fort, and even something to toss at their siblings.
Grateful to Eric for sharing your writing with us. I am following your blog now my friend. Blessings!
I think bored people avoid me because I've always got more to do than time to do it. If they got sucked into my orbit they'd quickly be frustrated and unable to enjoy their state of miserable boredom, which they are comfortable in, know what to expect from, and quite satisfied with, IME.
Thanks!
It's good that you are able to control yourself to hold your peace from the things you don't wanna say....And talking about the enjoying one's life, there will actually be no time to enjoy oneself or to even rest if someone doesn't learn to create time for oneself. It takes a whole lot of determination and courage to leave some things undone and say you want to go out to enjoy yourself. We would criticize ourselves even before outsiders does
What lovely wit and writing style! Wouldn't have seen this unless Eric reblogged it.
Boredom is an opportunity to find more meaning in the moment. I rarely see people "bored" in my day to day wanderings, but I see plenty of people not being bored wasting their time and energy and wits doing things that ... while they may find fulfilment in temporarily, I feel don't add any significant value to their life - eg, mindlessly scrolling through shorts, doom scrolling, falling prey to an algo that tells them what to see, what to buy, what to do next.
I'm not very good at being bored, I think that if someone was trying to put holes through me, I would be struggling quite violently.