Walking with God
Genesis 5:22 states, "Enoch walked with God 300 years . . ." This small piece of information taken from the Bible's first book is strange and unacceptable to many living in our time. A book that tells us that man can live that long is contrary to known science and popular reason. Naturally, such data can easily be dismissed as primitive or relegated appropriately to the realm of ancient myth. To insist that it is an accurate historical record is tantamount to fanaticism and narrow-mindedness.
What drives me to our above text is the just completed meeting with our school President and a team of our ministry partners in Christian education. After sharing our thoughts about specific details regarding the direction of our future partnership, our President directs his attention by asking each of them about their conditions in life including ministry, physical condition, and future plans. The meeting concluded with a prayer.
This kind of meeting made me feel uneasy. I am not comfortable talking about intimate stuff such as spirituality. I am ashamed to talk about spiritual intimacy with God for not only that I have nothing to share with those younger than me, but it is also due to fear of exposing my vulnerability. I know that both sexuality and prayer are dealing with the stuff of intimacy. Being aware of this, since the day I suffered a marital crisis, intimate stuff is beyond me. I know that God can deal with it. However, to follow such a direction I would be opening a door that I want shut forever. And that is why I refrain from a conversation that talks about spiritual intimacy. As such, my prayer life is almost non-existent except for public activity. Nevertheless, since I cannot do away completely with intimate matters, such need for intimacy manifests in my private sexual activity somehow made sin find a stronghold in my will. When I am conscious and awake, I can control such hold of sin, but when I am alone, I stop fighting and just give in to what my body wants.
Such a heart condition made my spirit melancholic as if I am suffering from an inward sickness. I could hardly pray in public without a transcript not only because of difficulty in memory due to aging but simply because my spirit is not attuned with the Spirit of God. Every time I pray with a formatted prayer, I usually break down emotionally not only because such a prayer is the longing of my heart, but because the words don't describe my daily walk.
And that's why I resolve that fighting with sin is a useless battle. There is no way I can triumph over it. The only thing that prevents me from giving in to the work of the flesh is either when I am sick or when my body is too weak.