Longing for a Life Without Noise

Watching an old K-drama, My Love From The Star, this thought keeps pestering me. I want to disconnect myself from everything that drains me. I feel abused. Not that I don't know how to say "No," but most of the time, I keep silent just to avoid conflict and maintain peace. I don't mind being misunderstood. I also don't feel under obligation to explain myself. Nevertheless, I could not avoid thinking about this feeling of being used.

Perhaps the Netflix movie that I am watching affects my thoughts. Or I could relate to a few scripts and the narrative. Anyhow, all I wish is to find a place where I will be alone, with an Internet connection, of course.

I want to disconnect myself from my sons and their mom and from my work—in short, from the noise that surrounds me. I am longing for silence. However, there is one problem—provision for my necessities.

Such a wish is a luxury this time that I can't afford. If not now, five years perhaps? All I want is to test my limit of how many months or years I can live alone. I want to live a life where nobody needs me. I want to live at least for myself, with my own rhythm, and no one dictates what to do with my time. I don't want to be contacted because somebody needs money or advice. I have my own demons to deal with.

When shall I attain such peace? I don't want to depart from this life. Life for me remains beautiful despite the betrayal and the pain. I see that such space is necessary for me to find myself. At the end of the day, I want to end my years in peace and productivity. Even without someone beside me, I see that as an ideal life for me.