Parenting in the 80s
Greetings everyone!
I have an elderly man close to my workspace; he is around 70 to 80 years and still going strong. He owns a motor spare parts shop and sometimes gets talkative and comes to my space to gist with me. His gists are always centered on the kind of life they lived before what he calls this "spoiled stage of life."
He usually starts by telling me how much he bought his lands (90 naira per plot), how much he used in building his houses, and then navigates to the kind of training they received in those days. He uses that to warn me to be mindful of the kind of woman I will marry, as he believes most ladies of our time lack proper home training.
I didn't live in the '80s, but I experienced the '90s and the early 2000s, and I can clearly point out the huge differences in the pattern of parenting from how it was then to how it is now.
There was a high level of moral discipline in the olden days' training. I remember clearly, my younger sisters once got reported to my dad by one of our numerous uncles about how they found it hard to greet him or other elderly persons around whenever they were passing. That particular day was the third time my dad received that report. Guess what he did next?
He summoned them to a panel of judgment with his cane. When he asked them to explain why they found it difficult to greet, one of them said they didn’t greet the uncle at that particular time because they had greeted him before. Immediately, my dad released his cane on them with words forcing their way out of his mouth as he whipped them: "Don’t you know you’re supposed to greet an elder anytime you see them, even if you’re seeing them for the 100th time?"
I won't lie, I hated what my dad did, and I also disliked my uncle for reporting such a thing. But the truth is, that really corrected us, and it became a lifestyle for us.
If it were nowadays and something like that was noticed, my uncle wouldn't even dare to report to my parents. That’s because the training of today is primarily left to the immediate parents or guardians, nothing more. In fact, if an uncle reports such a thing to the parents, before you know it, his photo will appear on social media being mocked, with captions telling him to mind his business.
You think that’s a lie? That means you haven’t seen anything yet.
Let me give you another experience:
This happened four to five years ago. I was working in an eatery, and that day our attached hall was being used for a party. I was posted there to manage things, especially the drinks, for those who wanted to buy.
There were elderly people in attendance, and after they were done, they started leaving. One group forgot to pay, so when they were leaving, I approached them to ask for the money. It seemed like they had genuinely forgotten, so I explained politely using the exact words below:
"You guys* had those drinks, please think well."*
One of them, with deep anger, raised his voice at me because I referred to them as "you guys". Omo! That day, I had to start begging because, honestly, I didn’t realize when my tongue slipped and I said that.
Now, is "you guys" a bad thing? No! But in the old-school parenting system, we were raised to be mindful of the kind of names or titles we use for people — especially elders. That upbringing has helped me a lot. That’s why you always see me putting “ma” and “sir” in my words whenever I’m talking to people older than me.
Let me drop my pen here.
There are really a lot of differences, but I hope you’ll pardon me for settling with just one and presenting it in a storytelling format.
Thanks for reading.
This is my entry to Hivenaija prompt of the week.
Photos; MetaAi
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