Forgiveness is hard!

The act of forgiveness is one of the strongest and most difficult things to do by humans. Yes, it's preached as a simple thing, but when one is hurt deeply and beyond imagination by a person, it becomes very difficult to forgive, especially when the thought of the whole thing still plays in the mind and the heart refuses to hearken to the "forgive and forget" sermon. At that moment, one can only buy the 'forgive' and keep the 'forget' aside because the hurtful act is so hard to erase.

Yes, to those who haven't really been hurt, you might see 'forgive & forget' as an easy-peasy thing, but it's very difficult. You can't say you've forgiven someone when you still feel the pain of the hurt whenever you remember what happened. That's just incomplete forgiveness.

Let me share this experience of mine;

There is this woman in our church who deliberately ceased my money from service I rendered. She connived with her husband and they decided to deduct a whole 20k from actual payment I was to receive even when we were very clear on the calculation. They pinned refusal to pay the money on an irrelevant excuse, which was because the previous payment the husband made, I didn't add extra charge to send to the woman's account as a tip. I actually refused to do that because I sensed something fishy looming.So, during the period we were dragging the pay, we exchanged words on phone and I made sure I talked the sense they lacked into their heads, especially the husband who was being controlled by the woman.We stopped communication and even the "hi, hey" we usually did in church stopped.I hated them for being so mean and robbing me of my payment, and from that moment, I decided to do away with them.

Oh yes, I have forgiven them merely, but whenever I remember the height of what they did, I see a spark of anger in me even though the money is small. The way they "devilishly" decided to cease the money and they appear to be Christian freaks me out in anger a lot.

Some Sundays ago, while we were in church, our pastor preached on forgiveness and hatred, focusing on situations where church members do not greet or are not in good terms, and I smiled because I knew he was directly referring to me. And guess what, I didn't see my non-greeting with the family as an offence, because I expected the family to come up and make peace and beg forgiveness even without the money.

That's exactly how it works. I believe so much that forgiveness is incomplete without forgetting the hurtful act that warranted the forgiveness. If the thought is still lingering around, then forgiveness didn't happen at all.

Like I said, forgetfulness of the act depends on its weight and connection involved. I have been hurt and offended in a greater dimension and I had to let go, but I don't know why this simple one is still lingering around even when I have merely made up my mind to forgive, but forgetting it has been so difficult.

Thanks for reading.

This is my entry to Week 98, Edition 03 of the Weekly Featured contest in Hive Learners Community

Image used is mine