ONE RECKLESS MOVE, ONE NASTY OUTCOME

A Lot of people say life is not fair, but when I think about it, is it really not fair? Maybe it isn't, maybe it is, maybe itit is in-between. I think it is in-between and our decisions most of the time determine the outcome. Would I say life wasn't fair to me when I had to drop out of school in my third year, will I say life wasn't fair to me when I had to stay three years out of school watching my mates graduate? Will I say life is not fair when I had to forget about graduating with a first class because I had to work to pay my fees and see myself through the remaining part of school. Will I say life isn't fair when the decision of seeing myself through school forced me into taking a loan? Will I say life wasn't fair when I started using loans to pay loans until I couldn't go through anymore?

Now I've gone through all of these things, still going through them, at a point I became so frustrated that I attempted suicide. Will I say life isn't fair? If I am to be honest with myself, I would rather say at a point I wasn't fair to myself and I made reckless decisions. The decision to take a loan wasn't reckless, it was the greed on the amount to take that was reckless. I remember one time I thought, all I need is 2 million naira for my problems to be over, if I could get two million I would be free from all these debts. And the only way my mind could phantom pay all these loans was to borrow one big loan. I had become addicted to the idea of borrowing like how people become addicted to gambling and drugs.

I took a loan from a friend, with the idea that once I pay back the money I owe the loan apps, I will get access to higher loans. I got the money, paid back the apps, but got loans not up to the amount I expected. Now I owe more money because I had not finished paying for the apps and used part of the money to settle unimportant things. Now that I look back I own up to my mistakes, trying gradually to correct them, but still suffering the pains of my decision. I do not have the right to say life wasn't fair, because it gave me what I unintentionally wished for.

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