Too Shy to Be a Boyfriend

I honestly think some of the best and craziest experiences of my life happened in secondary school. When I look back now, I sometimes just sit and laugh because I can’t even believe some of the things I did. It feels like it was a completely different version of me. Secondary school was such a funny phase of life. Everybody was childish, emotional, dramatic, and somehow very serious about things that didn’t even matter that much. You could literally fall in love with a girl just because she helped you solve a maths assignment or lent you her notes for classwork. That was how simple and unserious love used to be.

Now let me talk about my own “love story.”

So this happened when I was in SS1. I was in science class, and there was this girl named Tunmi. She used to sit right in front of me in class. Every single day I would just be there behind her, acting normal on the outside, but inside my head I was overthinking everything. I admired her for a long time. I liked the way she talked, the way she wrote her notes neatly, even the way she would turn back to ask someone for a pen. But the problem was that I was extremely shy. Like, extremely.

Instead of gathering courage to talk to her myself, I decided to do what felt “safer” at the time. I told one of her friends, someone I was closer to, about how I felt. I messaged the friend on WhatsApp and asked her to help me tell Tunmi that I liked her. Looking back now, I don’t even know why I thought that was a good strategy. But at that time, it felt like the only way.

The first time her friend asked her out for me, she said no. I won’t lie, that thing pained me. But instead of giving up, I decided to try again, this time directly through WhatsApp. I somehow found the courage to message her myself. After talking for a bit, she eventually said yes.

You would think that was where the sweet part of the story would begin. But honestly, that was when the awkwardness started.

We started “dating,” but I didn’t even know how to act like someone in a relationship. I couldn’t talk to her properly in class. I couldn’t look her in the eyes without feeling nervous. Instead of walking up to her to have normal conversations, I would send my friends to go and talk to her for me.

It was even worse during break time. If I wanted her to help me get something, I wouldn’t go myself. I would send one of my friends to tell her. It sounds so funny now, but at that time I didn’t realize how strange it was. I was just too shy and too immature to handle it properly.

Eventually, the relationship became boring. I wasn’t giving her attention. I wasn’t even fully present in it. She must have been wondering what kind of boyfriend she agreed to date. And deep down, I also knew it wasn’t working.

In the end, I even broke up with her on WhatsApp. Yes, the same WhatsApp that started everything also ended it. The whole experience was just somehow all round. It wasn’t romantic. It wasn’t dramatic. It was just… awkward.

But even though it was probably my worst love story, I can’t lie — it’s one of the memories that makes me smile the most. It reminds me of how innocent and inexperienced i was.

Honestly, that’s what makes it beautiful in its own funny way.

Thanks for reading.