The Art Of Settling Arguments

At some point, we'll find ourselves stuck in an argument with a loved one, family member, or friend. From my experience, I've realized that arguments or minor disagreements in relationships or friendships can have two outcomes. When handled properly, arguments can strengthen the bond. You learn from your partner, and they learn from you. That way, you learn to grow and avoid future conflicts. On the other hand, if not managed well, arguments can lead to a decline in the relationship. One argument after the other, the bond can gradually weaken, leading to its breakdown. Another thing I have realized is that if only we learn the art of handling arguments, we wouldn’t have lost good people in our lives. So, how do we effectively settle arguments? Today's Hive learners prompt asks us how to prevent arguments from leading to moments of regret.

A few months ago, I was a different person. An entirely different person. I cared about people around me, but in arguments, I always put my rights and ego first. You know that feeling that comes with knowing that you are right in an argument, and you go, “Why should I be the one to apologize, I’m not wrong after all.” Or “Why should I be the one to reach out first when I did no wrong?” I found it very easy to apologize whenever I realized I had done something wrong. On the other hand, when I have accessed the situation and realized the other person was wrong, it takes a lot for me to apologize, unless the other person apologizes first. The interesting thing is that I have gotten wiser and I know better now. When it comes to settling arguments, one important thing is to calm your nerves and not try to prove your points. Even when you’re not wrong, and the other person is 100% at fault, calm down. I once read a book titled, “Calm are the Nerves of the Achievers.”

I understand that it can be so hard to stay calm in arguments, especially when you’re not at fault. Your body starts to itch and at that point, all you want to do is pour those words out. But remember that words, when spoken, cannot be taken back. You can’t unsay what you have already said. So, the best way to resolve arguments is to calm your nerves down and assess the situation properly.

Most times, both parties would always think they are right. But it wouldn’t hurt to play the bigger person. Even when you know you are right, the best way to settle arguments is to apologize. Some months ago, I would not have believed that I would ever say this. My mentality used to be channeled this way; as long as I know I’m right, I’m not backing down until I prove my point.” Now, I tell myself, “Guy, just calm down first.” I put it to you that this mentality will do you no good. Of course, you feed your ego every time you win an argument by trying to prove your point. But how’s that a good thing? You keep feeding your ego, one meal after the other, until it grows bigger than your head, and you lose good people who would have made your life better.

Don't quote me wrong; I'm not saying you should always apologize and keep things to yourself. However, I've realized that regardless of whether you're wrong or right, there's no use in trying to prove your point. After apologizing and noticing that your partner or friend is calm, proceed to tackle the issue. "Can we talk about what happened?" By doing this, you're not trying to find fault, but to settle the argument without blaming anyone. Analyze the whole situation: what led to the argument, the hurtful things that were said, and how to prevent future arguments. Bringing up ideas to prevent future arguments is essential, especially in relationships. If arguments keep happening and you don't know how to settle them or prevent future ones, ultimately, it will lead to a decline in the bond.

In my opinion, these are important ways to make sure arguments don’t lead to moments of regrets.

Thanks for reading.