Breaking Free From People-Pleasing

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Growing up, my mom struggled to set boundaries. For as long as I can remember my mom has always been a soft and kind-hearted person, always putting others before herself and finding it hard to say no. Through my experiences and the conversations I have had with experienced people, I've realized that when you are this way- too soft and too kindhearted, people will take advantage of your kindness and trample upon it with large soles. There's a fine line between being soft/kind and being TOO soft/kind. There is no doubt that there are perks attached to being soft and kind, but it becomes a disadvantage when you take it overboard. My mum struggled to say no. She could give her last penny to help people.

My siblings and I would always get angry whenever we saw her exhibit these behaviors. My mom could give her last penny out just to help someone in need. I remember the one time she gave out more than half of her salary to her supposed “friend.” This caused an uproar in my family- literally, everyone was against her. People knew her weak point. They knew that whenever they asked her for help, she’d not turn them down unless she had nothing left. So what did they do? They kept using it against her. They exploited her weakness. That is one crazy thing about people. Once they discover your weak point, they’ll keep using it to get what they want. A selfish world we live in!

My dad on the other hand was a stark contrast to my mom. Growing up, my dad was always kind but he knew where and when to draw the lines. We all tried to change my mom- show her the light. We tried to make her see things from a different perspective. It wasn't until later in life when I had graduated from high school that she finally saw through people. Although, till today my mom remains very kind hearted, she has learnt the heart of saying no. Sadly, it was a little too late as we, her kids had already adopted some of her behaviors. My sister, for example, is the replica of my mom in this regard.

Just like my mom, my sister struggles to say no to people. My sister doesn't do phone calls- she would not pick up phone calls from unknown and certain numbers. Outsiders would think this is how she is, but my siblings and I know that she doesn't like phone calls because she doesn't know how to say no to people when they ask for help on the phone. But, if they do it through text, she could easily reject it.

Luckily for me, I got familiar with the art of saying no earlier than my siblings. N-O is just a two-letter word, but it is really powerful. Sometimes, you just have to look them in the eyes and say “no.” You cannot always be a yes person. As I mentioned earlier, if you're always saying yes to people, they’ll trample on your head with the biggest shoes. Whether it’s in a friendship or relationship, when you feel it is best and right for you, put yourself first. Don’t always say yes just to please people.

Summarily, I understand that some people are stuck in a world where they struggle to say no. I have been there and I know people who are still there. If this helps- you are not alone. There are so many books and videos online that can come
In handy. Remember not to always be a people-pleaser. Say no to people-pleasing

Good luck.

Thanks for reading.