I used to be scared of the dark, now it's the shelter that comforts me.

People have different phobias. One of that is the fear of the dark called nyctophobia.

When I was a kid, I couldn't stay in a room by myself. It felt like someone is watching me. I used to turn like an amateur runner when speeding up to go home from playing to our neighborhood. "It's getting dark. I need to hurry up," I whispered to my young self. Our bathroom was outside our house which was common in the provinces back then. So, if I'd have to clean myself up, I need to do it quickly or else the monsters in my mind will come after me.

"Can you sleep in a dark room or do you want me to turn on this small red lamp?" My grandma asked to me when I had a slept over in her house. "Please turn it on," my small voice answered and sighed in a relief when she did. Then, I looked up and observed her old house until I fall asleep.

No matter how warm or hot it was at night time, I always made sure that I have my blanket on me specially my feet. I always made sure that it was fully covered or else, a troll will come and pull me by my feet. I couldn't even hang my tiny legs and feet on the bed as I imagined that someone's under it and waiting for his chance to get me.

But now, many things have changed. I can directly stare in a dark place. I can now look up at the coconut trees outside and wait for the frightening creatures to show up.

I can now go back home and walk alone even it's already 11:00 at night. I still imagine scary things but it doesn't scare me anymore. It gives me comfort, at least I'm not alone.

I hated the dark before but now, I'm always looking forward to it. I can go outside and look at the night sky, wishfully thinking to witness shooting stars. Turn off all the lights and I have no issue about it yet, I'll thank you for it. "At last, it's peaceful," that's how I think about it.

I can freely think the things I want to do in life. I can freely reflect about how my days went by. My tears will fall but no one can see it and it's nice. I can sob like a child but it's fine. It's not scary anymore.

This dark gives me comfort and I feel safe because of it. I'll pat myself and nod. It's not the blanket the makes me feel safe now, but the dark. Cry as much as you want, Abbie. You're safe here.

This post is my own intellectual property.
Photos were taken by myself and no AI was used in editing and writing this.

Thank you for reading!