The Other Side of Me

There is always a part of us people barely see, a side that stays hidden behind the version we allow the world to know, even when they think they already understand who we are, but they may not know the story behind the things we do. We laugh, we smile, we relate with one another and they form their own ideas about who we are. Most times, they are not completely wrong, but they don’t always get the full picture. That is how it has been for me. People often describe me as a very jovial person. They say I am calm, always smiling, and rarely get angry. Some even believe that nothing can ever upset me. They say I am fun to be with, that I create a peaceful atmosphere around me, and I always have time to spare when someone needs me. And in their eyes, that is who I am.

I understand why people say these things, because that is the part of me they see every day. But if I am being honest, there descriptions is not far from the truth but there is another side of me that many people do not know. It is a part of me I do not show easily, not because I am pretending, but because I learned how to hide and manage it over time. Deep inside me, I am someone who gets angry easily like very easily. It may surprise those who know me because they believe I am always calm, always smiling, I don't have issues with people but the real truth is that small things can provoke me more than people think.

Whenever someone steps on my toes or says something that offends me, the first thing I usually do is to walk away. I go silent, and I put on a fake sarcastic smile on the face to make it look like everything is fine. But inside me, I may be boiling. I have learned how to appear normal on the outside even when I am struggling with the emotion on the inside. People take it as a sign that I am not easily angered, but the truth is that I only learned how to hide that part of myself and manage it quietly.
The interesting part of this my emotion is that it does not last long. So after a few minutes, the whole thing disappears from my mind. Even when I later talk to the person about how they wronged me, I still say it with a smile. Some people think I am pretending, but that is just how I am. The anger burns quickly, but it also fades quickly. Many people around me only see the fading part, not the burning part.
The reason I learned to control myself this way started with an experience I had more than ten years ago. When I was younger, I usually react to every small wrong someone did to me. I don't hesitated to express my anger, and most times my reactions usually comes with physical actions. I could pick up anything I see around me and hit the person with it without thinking twice. I acted first and thought later. The worst part happened the last time I behaved that way. I attacked someone in anger and injured him badly. He had to be rushed to the hospital. That incident shocked me deeply, and I will never forget it.

After that day, my parents sat me down and began to teach me on how to control my anger. They guided me, corrected me, and helped me understand that reacting immediately to anger does more harm than good. So I began learning gradually and over the years it became a part of me. That is why today, even when I am upset, I stay silent, I walk away, and I force myself to calm down before saying anything.

So when people describe me as calm or always smiling or jovial person who hardly gets angry, I understand why. That is the version of me they see every day. But the truth is that behind this calm appearance, there is someone who has struggled with anger and has learned not to allow it to rule his actions. It is a part of me I do not talk about, and it has shaped the person I am becoming. Sometimes I wish people knew that my calmness is not because I don’t feel things deeply, but because I have learned how much damage uncontrolled anger can cause. This is the other side of me that stays quiet, but it is as real as the part people see.