Hive Reachout Weekly Prompt 62//The Power of Saying No.

Saying no has been one of the most challenging and difficult aspect of my life. I once look at it as a weakness because even when saying yes to someone might cost me my time, my energy, my resources, I will just agree without consideration or complain. There are moments that I will be in the middle of something important, yet if someone should asks for my assistance, I still respond with a yes. And inside me, I know I should have decline that request, but somehow, I just give in. It almost feels like I can't just tell someone no. And later, I'll end up feeling worn out, even getting disappointed at myself for not saying no. This inability of not saying no to people has made me carry weight and burdens than I should and at the end, I'm the one left alone.

I usually have this feeling that if I said no to people, they would think as if I don't want to help them or assist them when I can or someone will look at me as a bad person. Because of that feeling, I always give in to people's request, even when it was not convenient for me. I agreed to things I did not want to do, carried burdens that were not mine, and allowed people to take from me without thinking about how it affected me.

I remember times when I agreed to do everything, even when I'm tired, when I sacrificed my own plans to attend to other people own, even accepting conditions that I was not really comfortable with, just to avoid offending anyone. Later, I would feel bad, angry at myself for allowing it such thing to happen.

Most times because of my inability to say no, some people take advantage of me. They know I rarely turn anyone down, so they keep returning, asking for more. What pain me the most is when these very people wronged me and yet I still find myself offering them help.

But everything have change recently when I realized how important saying no is. It is not a weakness but a strength. I kind of understood that I cannot give my best to people if I am constantly saying yes to things that wear me out. I can't continue to accept request that I'm not okay and comfortable with it. I can't continue to agree with everything.

Something happened in my work place recently. I work as a teacher in a school and also as a vendor at Nasarawa toll gate. The tollgate is at the middle of a federal express road that link to several states in the country, meaning that their are thousands of cars that are passing that road everyday. Each car that passes through that road most pay his tax. Literally huge amount of money is received everyday from that toll gate. There are three categories of people working in the toll gate, the first are the main staff working in the office, the second are the staff working at the stand receiving people's ATM card to withdraw their tax while the third people are the staff that uses their own card to pay for travelers that doesn't have card to pay for themselves but cash. I work at the third category of people.

Most times if travelers without card pay their tax with cash, I give my card to the second category of people working to remove it. Those people will not deduct the money but rather say I should hold it for them. After closing for the day, they will come and collect the money and put it in their pocket. And because they are superior than we at the third category, we can't say anything.

This brought issues between us and it's bringing shortage when balancing account for the day. Last week one of them wanted to cheat again, he wanted me to save up money for him without removing from my card, and I told him sorry I can't do it, allow me to work. He wanted to act supervisor and compel me to do what he wants but I stood my ground and told him No and if he should pressure me, I will walk straight to the main office and report everything him and his other colleagues were doing, whatever will happen let it happen. I stood my ground and since they heard I will report them to the main supervisors and I was very serious about it, they stopped what they were doing. I can't tell if they did it with other colleagues of mine that we are in the same category but I set my own principle and stand by my words and we are okay.

The truth is at first, it felt uneasy. I thought the person would be upset for long and would not want to talk to me. But nothing of such happen. The person simply accepted his fate and continued working normally.

I realized that my no did not mean I hated him or any person, it only meant I respected myself enough to set limits which should be respected and they respected it

Now saying no has given me a kind of freedom which allowed myself to focus on what matters and to give more meaningful yeses. When I say yes now, it comes from willingness and acceptance, not from pressure or feeling that someone will look at me as a bad person. I no longer feel used because I know I have the power to decide for myself what I want and what I don't want.