Abusive Relationship- A Call to Walk Away.

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Hello everyone!! Welcome once again to my blog. I’m delighted to have you here again. Today I want to share with you something that has been a concern to me which is an Abusive Relationship. Many people faced different kinds of abuse in their relationship but yet chose to remain in it even when it hurts them alot. They endure relationship instead of to enjoy relationship. Which is not supposed to be. The question is what is an abusive relationship? What is it all about? Well!!!!
An abusive relationship is an act of using power, authority or control over one’s partner. When you feel you have control or dominance over your partner and can say or do whatever you want to do without regards for your partner.

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It baffles me a lot when I hear people who are faced with different kinds of abuse in their relationship say “I just love him/her and I know he/she is going to change someday. How do they cope with such a toxic relationship?
An incident occurred in my neighbourhood one day where a guy was arrested because his fiance told him she was pregnant for him and what he did was to beat her up mercilessly to a point she fainted and eventually had a miscarriage. She was rushed to the hospital where the doctor attended to she and when she finally regains conscious, the doctor asked her how long has she been in a relationship with the guy and she replied 3 years and that’s how he has been violent on her, beat her, punch her, kick her as if it’s football.
My question was why did she remain in such a toxic relationship till the point she almost lost her life if she knew he(her partner) has been violent on her all this while? Why didn’t she walk away?

I came to understand base on experience of what happen around my community that victims who find themselves in abusive relationship are in most cases afraid to walk out of that relationship. I think that it could be they feel threaten by what their partner can do to them if they walk out of the relationship. Some people end up getting into relationship with criminals, drug users or even cult guys and for that reason they may feel like their life will be at stake if they walk away.

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The second reason why I think people remain in abusive relationship also base on what I've seen that happen around me was to preserve family legacy, reputation or secured their job. Why did I say so? I once lived in a develope location when I was in higher institution and I've mingle and discuss with highly reputable people. On two different occasion, I've encounter people sharing their experience with me. One of them told me that according on their religious believe, a lady can be betrothed to guy right from her childhood even without getting to know the person. Sometimes they get married to the guy not because they love the guy or have any mutual relationship with the guy but because their family has given them out for marry with or without their consent and a such they end up with partners who molest them, beat them and don’t even care about them at all. The second person was advising me to be careful and prayerful and that the reason he is still in a relationship with his fiance despite the constant insult and embarrassment even in public places was because her father is the owner of the organisation he works and the father was the one who secured the job for him so he doesn't want anything to affect is job, for that reason, he tries to cope with the lady's attitudes. Omo imagine facing this of situations what will you do? Hmmm!!!

The third reason why I think some people don’t walk out of abusive relationship base on what I've observed is as a result of excessive love that they have for their partner. Some people are so obsessed with love that they don’t care about anything that will happen to them. Even when it affects their self-esteem, making them feel less of themselves or worthless, they still remain in the relationship hoping and praying that one day a miracle will just happen and their partners will change eventually. Question: Will you continue to remain and wait in a toxic relationship for a miracle to happen when your life is shattering every day? I don't think so for me!!! Never😤😤.

You may ask yourselve, what kinds of abuse does someone face in a relationship. Well base on what I was thought in the higher institution in a psychological course, there are different forms of abuse that one may face in a relationship, some of which include: physical abuse that may involves hitting, slapping or even punching someone which may cause injuries to that person.

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We also have Sexual Abuse: Here, the abuser forces himself/herself on the partner to have sexual intercourse that they don’t want to do. I love using experience I've seen or had because I've lived in a school environment and a lot of things happen around. A friend of mine told me that while she was in a relationship with her ex-boyfriend, he always pressures her to have intercourse with him even when she is on her menstrual period. He doesn’t care if she is in pain or not, whether she is stained or not, all he wants is to satisfy his urge. You could imagine how terrible it will be.

There's also theEmotional Abuse which I think is very common to me. this form of abuse involves toying with a person’s emotion such as insulting the person, humiliating a person. For instance, using hurtful words like “You good for nothing, you can do anything or you are too dump and lazy or look at you, you are to chubby and ugly, gosh what I’m I even doing with such a person like you, you embarrass me”. Such words can affect a persons emotion badly.

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But the big question is ***What will you do if you find yourself in an abusive relationship? ***

1. Walk away: You don't need anyone to tell you to walk away from toxic abusive relationship. See when you notice that the relationship is becoming toxic, walk way immediately. When you notice that respect is no longer in a relationship, please walk away. When you feel worthless and valueless, walk away. When your presence and importance is no longer appreciated, my friend just walk away. I know is not easy to walk out of a relationship but is better to have a broken relationship than endure a toxic abusive relationship or marriage as the case may be.
2. Seek for advice. It’s not a crime or shameful to open up your problem to your friends, families love ones or even professional bodies. There are professionals out there who are trained to handle such cases. Seek for advice. Therapist are there, seek their advice okay!!!! And when you feel that your life will be threaten if you walk away from the relationship, report to the relevant authorities and agencies.
   Remember your worth, your value, your importance. A broken relationship is better than enduring a toxic and abusive relationship.

Thank you
Joash…