You're what you've gone through
I grew up as a very quiet person with no friends, so all I did was read; normally, I should have been socializing with other kids, but I didn't.
My family moved frequently when I was younger, so there was no time to form long-term friendships, which had an impact on school because I was not always in school, I did not learn like other kids, I was terrible at math, and it was like sorcery to me.
I somehow believed that I was not meant to be as brilliant as other children, and I eventually accepted this. I grew up never really needing to talk to anyone. I find it odd when I hear people talk about loneliness.
I could go a year without talking to anyone and it would not feel strange. I had mastered the art of loneliness, not by choice, but due to the circumstances surrounding my illness and upbringing.
In contrast, I was a different type of adult; I met more people as an adult, but I do not consider them friends; I see them as people who came and went. The point is that I was a more vocal adult in my twenties, and I did not understand how it happened.
It was like a character development that only happened in the movies. I believe the main reason was that I left home to live with a relative, and once there was some stability, I began to understand my identity. They realized I had a chronic condition and treated me accordingly: with caution and awareness.
I started to find a voice.
I started working instead of meeting new people, and I realized I was not cut out to be a quiet person.
I went from not saying much to being the guy who could talk their way out of trouble. I believe this is how I was able to get strangers online to give me jobs. I was ghostwriting and earning money as early as 2014; I was not skilled, but I learned on the job.
Again!
In contrast to the previous few years, I have returned to being a loner. I did not have many friends, and I pretty much disappeared everywhere. In the first few months the girls I related with couldn't access me, they kept dialing my number but I didn't pick up.
Some of them probably thought I was dead; one of them even posted a question about my whereabouts online. Again, something devastating happened to me, and I simply gave up and lost interest in life.
It was difficult to lose every member of one's nuclear family, and as a result, I lost my ability to socialize; I could not say much and could not express myself externally. Every thought process occurred in my mind, and I became the guy who rarely spoke but had a lot on his mind.
I recently decided to return to working online gigs to pay the bills; over a year of not being interested in life had caused me to accumulate debt and bills. It is not like I am still interested; bills need to be paid.
Character transformation and development are real, but many people have not experienced it, most likely because their lives have been smooth and regular.
It is not just something you see in the movies; it is entirely real. Take a look at a TV show like The Walking Dead to see how regular school teachers, nurses, and professors turned into stone cold killers. What happened?
They face a life-threatening plague that has wiped out the Earth's population. Trauma, the need to adapt, or pain can cause character transformation; it is not OCD or anything else, but genuine pain and the struggle to adapt and survive.
We are like shells that protect a cocoon of diverse personalities; only life's traumatic or pleasant experiences can reveal these identities. Some are fortunate to have lived and many more will live peaceful and beautiful lives, while others are not.
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I see the transition, i feel you moved along with life, just like the course of water, ofcourse anyone will literally reflect the same persona after all the hard blows its just you adapting and adjusting when necessary.....you're a fighter ...keep it strong bro you've got this
Thank you for the kind words
You're welcome man
....
Truly life has brought many interpretation to people, and it clearly shows that not everyone is on the same page, sorry about your losses
Thank you
It's a fact that life's experiences and environment contribute, to a large extent, how one behaves and who they turn out to be. You've gone through many transition in life, and each of them, shaped your behavior and lifestyle.
At this age, you're better experienced to know which to stick with to enjoy a fulfilled life.
Although I don't like my transitions, people who knows me physically don't either. It's like going from a complete jovial, to someone that seems invisible, and I wished it was a different transition
We do not always like the situations we find ourselves, sometimes but what can we do? That's life. But we can only adjust, while hoping for a better situation.
I was fortunate to have friends when I was young, but we didn't move around like you did. Over the years I have lost contact with essentially all of them, save one. I too now have pulled away from others to an extent. Trauma and health issues have ways of changing you, and making your view of the world change as well. I guess in the end it always comes down to life isn't fair. I've always had to struggle to get ahead, no family fortune to fall back on. Yet I consider myself lucky because there are so many who have had life so much harder, like you. You've lost a lot over the last years, and had some gains too. I hope those new gigs are helping out financially and not overworking you. That's really bad for your health!
I moved around a lot as a kid and well it did affect me a lot, with my younger brother, so I guess it's what it is. Trauma and health issues as well as poverty are some ways which people experience changes to their personalities, it affected me a lot and there we are.
Yeah, it boils down to the fact that life isn't fair, however I know that a lot of people have it very bad, maybe much more worse.
As for the jobs online, they're just a means to an end, although it can become better, I don't know yet, but if they can pay primary bills, that's good for me.
How have you been?
Sometimes when I read your post I am usually speechless and don't know the right response to give. It's in moments like this I would just give you a hug if we were together and since it's virtual, am sending you a virtual hug and saying it's well with you 🤗
Yeah lol, even me I'm speechless after going through what I've written, but yes, I feel better after sharing my experiences.
Since you feel better that's good to hear 😊
events and personal "life trip" shapens your character, beside having a natural inclination for something... im quite similar to you, never had big relationships, lost friends, never had that many... outside some people starts talking to you at random and i think like "why? theres no need to" lol im just doing my business
i mostly work at home and someone ask me if i miss office for people and such and i always say "no"
Hehe, most of the relationship I have externally boils down to business, and I have lesser friends everyday, but it's fine, we'll all end up alone at the end, so maybe experiencing some of that loneliness now isn't bad lol.
If you work from home then you're mostly busy, except your son is always there to bug you 😂😂😂
oh not the kid goes to kindergarden or it would be impossible to work lol im busy depending on whats to do, if i finish quick i can do hive lol as i get no reward for finishing early projects
Ahh I forgot, I thought your child was still 8 months or something.
4 years now 😅
Life really has a way of shaping people in ways we don’t expect. Sometimes silence becomes a shield and other times it becomes a prison. This was a powerful read, when to break silence is a necessary thing to know
Yes, silence works in both ways. For me it works in a unique way. Thank you for reading
You're welcome I've learned something good from you do thank you
I strongly believe that nobody is 💯 this and that, I believe that our surroundings and the places we find ourselves always brings out a new side of us, sometimes the ones we didn't know we had
Yeah, I believe as well, thank you
I definitely had friends growing up.. But life got real busy in recent years.. Hustle and stuff.. I bond very deeply, but need time to unravel.
I don't bond, I just live it. It's great to know you had people, growing up.
My brother, you call maths sorcery? To me was like Chinese language, my education background was very rough, I really feel what you are feelings and I was once like that before. Getting to the stage of adulthood things will be little different no matter how you choose to be lonely, some people will love to talk to and they will understand you for who you are. Totally some of this experience is like you carry a whole burden of life on your shoulder like no one to share them with. But let's be grateful to God we survive.
My own life is a total difference experience and not a lot of people can relate, but thanks for the comparison. I tell my trauma experience everyday on Hive, and people who have previously read, knows how it's been.
Life continues on, and it's tough when bad things happen. I know how sad you felt after your family passed away through your posts. It might feel nice to stay alone, but I am more glad to see that you are moving on with your life even if its only to deal with the issue of money.
For many, life never truly continues, we just continue to live it, when sometimes breaks internally it's hard to fix it, you just live with it, because patching something means it doesn't work as when it wasn't broken
Well I think every person have different life some people have to face the unexpected situation. To be honest I have enjoyed my childhood good and I have went with lot of good memories