Mindshare: Love is mostly a fairytale.
I was talking to a friend yesterday, the call was supposed to be a business conversation, but somehow it escalated into something else.
This person was bragging about having many women in his life, and how his ex was begging him to get back with her; he probably saw it as a flex, and what he did not realize was that I was not that guy anymore; I can not hold such conversations anymore, not because of my newfound faith, but because I have multiple responsibilities that must be met, and every second I waste in a day has consequences.
This is probably why I no longer have "off" time. I'm constantly on the grind, seeking for ways to pay the bills.
I occasionally watch a football game, but most of the time I do not have time to catch my breath, and most of the time, I am too preoccupied with thinking about filling my next meds, going to the hospital, worrying about my mental health and the anxieties that come with it, and sometimes, just a minute of daydreaming about another life where I do not have to be so stressed is the only simple pleasure I enjoy.
Some people, like the person I mentioned, enjoy conversing about the opposite sex because it entertains and thrills them, and they find satisfaction in it.
This feeling happens with a lot of unmarried people. Without marriage people imagine how married life would be life.
Imagination is the death of reality
They imagine meeting a handsome and wealthy man or a beautiful woman with many attributes and living happily ever after. Unfortunately, marriage is not like that.
Love is a fairy tale concept, and this is because what most people feel in the name of love is simply the desire for explorative lust.
This is why many marriages fail; people do not expect it to be so difficult, they do not prepare for all of the problems that come with it; they expect to have sex and then go on vacation, spend time in each other's arms, and so on, but marriage is a different kettle of fish.
Obviously, it is always greener on the other side, and we prefer to be in places where we are not. This is why many unmarried people underestimate what marriage entails. They only need to find the right man or woman, and that is it.
However, you tend to realize that marriage is like a full-time job. It is not like talking on the phone with a man or woman, sending poems and "texts," or purchasing birthday presents.
This is what we see on social media. We never see people's struggles offline because no one wants to admit or discuss their fears and pain, which is why people do not fully understand the stress and responsibilities that come with marriage.
This is not to say that there are not fairy tale stories about people finding the love of their lives; I am talking about financial difficulties, coping with someone, tolerating their excesses, living with their shenanigans, and accepting that you will have to live with it for the rest of your life.
In fact, some people divorce because they believe they can no longer cope, and we fail to recognize that marriage tests people's emotional resolve. It comes with stress, particularly when raising children, paying unexpected bills, and so on.
I understand that being wealthy can solve more than half of the problems associated with marriage, but the point is that people associate being married with a fiery tale, or simply having a fiance become a husband, and so on.
Sometimes it is the desire for social approval. People watch videos of couples living happy lives and begin to crave these things, which leads to unrealistic marriage expectations that can be dangerous.
Most marital experiences depicted in movies have been embellished to heighten emotions. Take a look at Korean TV shows; the ones about love are so fabricated and augmented that a regular viewer would believe that every Korean man or woman is a lover boy or girl.
Welcome to life
People do not learn unless they experience it firsthand. Wonder why people are taught in schools using examples, figures, assumptions, and so on, when these assumptions, while not true, are actually close to what happens in real life.
For example, maths has a lot of unrealistic examples and somehow because people cannot relate, it becomes harder to learn. We learn from the angle of relativity. When something is not relatable, we do not truly learn. Everyone eventually learns.
The fact that we all have to learn different things makes life a little unfair, but that is the spice of life; after all, living in the bliss of ignorance can make life very worthwhile.
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That's disgusting, I understand ' guys talk and all that but there is time and stage for everything, some people might never change because they don't find any fault in the wrong they do, which is actually much more worse than doing wrong itself.
What do you mean by "guys talk"? I think not all men wants to indulge in that of conversation, like me, I don't do that anymore.
That's actually a good thing sir, but most people are just not ready to change their bad habits.
Responsibilities indeed change us, maybe when your guy also joins the married gang and has more responsibilities, he might rethink his life ...I used `might`` because like you said it all deals with money, if he get married and still have some huge amount which is more than enough to take care of his woman and side chicks, he still won't change.
I don't think he has the money for all that. He's generally promiscuous and likes being around a lot of women. I want to believe he still doesn't understand that it's nothing, the flex of having plenty women is nothing, and that's probably one of the reasons he's shying away from marriage.
Talking about love is really hard because I believe, love is a very complex thing, Your thoughts on love felt very simple. I Really enjoyed reading!
I completely agree with you, bro. I'm a teacher and researcher, and I also dedicate myself to creating content on Hive. I simply don't have enough time, and that means your way of seeing things changes drastically. It's what they call maturing your character, and in this context of geopolitical turbulence, spending time watching IG reels or binge-watching Netflix series is a waste of valuable time. Best regards.
!BBH
Stress and anxiety are the friends of our generation, the more time passes the more it increases...
As you say love is a fair tale, it can go well as couple the first years, then as you say when you gotta live forever daily with fixations, responsibilities kicks in (bills, kids) at this point cracks stars to spread, and arguments bringing arguments... When there are kids involved, couples tend to just go on for the wellness of the children, some just don't divorce because they will end up alone
You're right about stress and anxiety. Sometimes the stress that comes with marriage is enough to caught fright and depression. It's not all simple and sweet as people see in the movies, but I guess everyone wants to learn on their own terms and make their own mistakes
Having been married I can say that it is more than a full time job, and there is no fairy tale marriage. There will always be problems, fights, money problems, health problems, potential infidelity... There are pluses like stability as long as the good moments far outweigh the bad ones.
Guys who brag about women like that guy tend to be very creative, not all of those stories are true. Many of the so called happy single bachelors are often desperately depressed.
Life isn't easy, you just have to make the best of what you have!
Yeah, there are lots of challenges with marriage and sometimes you don't even know until you're married. I mean, I've seen younger people talk about love and marriage in a dreamy way, and I can't help but laugh at their ignorance..
The challenge of the health problems is very real and can actually escalate very quickly, money problems seems to be the worst of them all, I've been there, the challenge of needing to take care of so many things. Infact you might just realize that without the right cash, your marriage become really sour.
Life is tough, and I agree that marriage can be tough. I am not married, but my friends and relatives have been. It's not always good and there are always issues happening. I have found that their lives are hell if they can't seem to find some kind of compromise.
A lot of marriage has issues, it's probably just worse in some marriage more then the other. There are marriage where the people resort to physical violence and even abuse.
Was it Peter or Paul that said when I was a child i talk behave and reason like one and now that I'm grown I talk behave and reason like a man...
This is literally the flow of life, not just because you've got a lot in your hands rn but because you've transcend beyond that scope and you way above that level were men just sit and chit chat about whatever is not bringing value .....
I use to be like that person, we are close friends to some extend, but I think mine happened because I mostly stopped living a life of sin, and all that. It's a very long story. But I remember one place in the Bible saying.... "the life I live now, I live them no more"
So that's it with me, also as you've said, life now present me with tougher battles.
Point made clear, Most marriages that didn't last long was majorly because both parties involved came together for fun not for responsibility or challenges so immediately the challenges which is likely a bonus gift to all marriage those who weren't prepared will excuse themselves without looking back.
Another thing is that the world has lost all form of morals they believe sex talks and talks about the opposite sex is fun but like you said it kills of reality and makes them lose out in the future.
To take care of bills especially when you have a must pay bills like monthly medications you gatz to take life serious because no one will pay those bills for you, each second makes a difference.
I like your commitment, don't worry God will keep on supporting you in all your endeavors.
Thank you for the kind words. Yes, I have to agree, a lot of people do not prepare for the challenges they potentially face. This one is due to negligence and not being aware; training onets mind to learn from the experience of other married people.
The reality of paying bills, health challenges and all that, it can make the marital experience very challenging.
A friend told me that he's not ready to take any shit from any woman when there are thousands of ladies out there so why die young in the name of marriage, you can imagine such mindset.
Sometimes is not even the bills, because you still see those who are doing well financially run away from marriage so I think they are not mentally trained and ready.