Awareness, Clarity, Knowledge, Healing.
When bad things happen, people are quick to apportion blame, either self-blame or throwing the blame around on others. This is because, we often need to create justification for every action, and this justification is what helps to check our excesses.
A lot of times, ignorance is the reason why we do things that we shouldn't do, but the problem is that sometimes it (ignorance) is not enough justification especially when the consequences of what we've done cannot placated by ignorance.
Consequences are why we cannot justify ignorance
....this is why it's important to seek enlightenment and knowledge, irrespective of how difficult or expensive it is. My brother's passing has brought so many regrets and blame-apportioning.
In the first few days, I began to question if I was there enough for him or if I wasn't adequate, then I began to blame my aunt who was his primary health caregiver for not spotting any underlying health condition, then I switched the blame to my late parents who didn't do enough to establish a stable family, irrespective of their initial uncorrectable mistakes.
I began to connect the dots, doing a familal check, analyzing the family tree, spotting out their mistakes and how they all went ahead to make the same mistakes instead of learning as they advanced.
I'm a modern man, even if I do not have all the degrees to back it, I am well-read in some of the most sophisticated aspects of human phenomenon, and the retribution of pain of losing my only sibling is why I had to start from the beginning, doing a psychoanalysis and spotting how foundational mistakes is the reason why I'm where I am today.
For a while, I've decided to leave that aspect of life live free, and chase my goal of leading a healthy life, attaining small financial freedom, and having an understanding spouse, but when bad and unfortunate things happen, we apportion blame, and sometimes this leads us to unearth deep wounds, occurrences and events that we've left in the past, just so our mental health can thrive.
Losing my brother is the biggest loss ever, and I don't think there'll be anything bigger. He was part of the reasons why I'm aiming to establish stability, so I can set him up, even if he didn't meet up with some certain expectations of life.
However, there are losses we eventually go through, it takes away the drive to hustle
.....It becomes hard to see life the same way again and when we cannot see life from a hopeful scope, it can drive one to the malady of depression. A sequence of good things in life can make us see the beauty in existentialism; creating meaning, vigor, or purpose to who we are.
Nevertheless, when hurtful things happen, it feels like we're biscuits in the mouth of the universe, not knowing when something in us might crack or give.
Apportioning blame is one of the slowest ways to heal in life
because it keeps the wound in the heart fresh, although we might attain clarity and closure, but the process of healing might just be too tasking. Some people are indeed lucky in life, especially those who do not have to lose and carry the blame that they might be the reason for another person's demise, misfortune, or scar.
While I'm not totally blaming myself for what has happened, it still feels like I have to live with the pain of thinking that I should have done better to placate or create awareness for some of the familal mistakes, and put everyone in survival mode.
However, I'm continuing this journey towards recovery. Sometimes the pain hits hard when a memory strikes the nerve, and all those tears come back gushing, but nevertheless, I'll continue this journey.
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Sorry for your loss bro, wish you faster positive thought therapy to ravage your mind, and don't over think the loss that happend before you go deep into more heavier depression. Some things in life are better left to be, asking too much question might start what you can't finish.
Peace
Thank you, nevertheless, emotional control in terms of loss can be quite difficult
My dear, the agony of loosing a Loved one to the cold hands of death is better felt than understood. I have lost two, I have felt the agony, I have vented my anger on everything and everyone, including myself. A part of you dies and it actually doesn't go away no matter how much time has gone by. But there's only one solace that I can think of; everyone will go the same way someday. So please don't blame yourself, you wouldn't have wished that upon him and I would you rather dwell on the good memories you have of him.
It doesn't go away and with way I'm feeling, everything seems not to matter anymore. It's surprising how people would ask you to move on, when the pain gets harder everyday. It's the only pain that never goes away with time. I can attest because everyday it gets harder for me to accept.
It's a raw wound and a very deep one at that. It's not going away soon, no no but your brother would want you to live for the both of you, to achieve for the both of you and to accomplish for the both of you. So while you mourn, think on these
Your raw honesty is both heartbreaking and beautiful. Loss has a way of making us question everything, including ourselves. Your willingness to confront these difficult emotions and seek understanding in the midst of pain is admirable.
Clarity is one way to go, I'm not living a good life at the moment because the pain is unbearable for me, so I need to revisit this pain again and again because I just need that clarity.
I truly admire your strength in facing your pain head-on, even though it's incredibly difficult. It takes a lot of courage to confront our deepest struggles in search of clarity. Remember, the journey to clarity might be tough, but it's a significant step towards healing and finding peace within yourself. If you ever feel overwhelmed, consider reaching out to a supportive friend, family member, or a professional counselor. You don't have to face this journey alone. Wishing you strength on your path to clarity. Take care
Lots of unexplainable emotions. I understand you, for I have lost in life too. The thought of being the one at fault or fault blaming others will surely surface, but... the best way to remember him is to cherish the memories of him and help others too as you grow.
The journey will be rough sometimes, but there's always a light somewhere. Waiting to be seen and I hope you see the light soon.
Sorry for your loss boss, I pray you heal so fast. The loss of those that are close us stay with us forever.
Thank you bro, I totally appreciate
I hope you can recover from your loss soon enough. It sucks to hear that your goal was derailed this but I am sure you can get through this. Like I said in the past, I believe you did everything you could do with your knowledge at that point in time.
I hope so too, but blogging and talking about it, is a way of also showing some accountability to myself.
May the good Lord be with you
I'm glad you are coming here to keep yourself busy and make yourself happy
Stay happy!
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Thank you
I know how painful such experience can be but your resilience is commendable. Acknowledging the past without solely apportioning blame shows strength.
One thing about commitment towards recovery is that every step brings one closer to peace. I will encourage you keep moving forward as strength is the only thing that comes with healing.
Some hard things to do. Stripping life of all its colors and leaving us with the painful reality. But, how do we stay strong? Can we do without blaming ourselves for these mistakes? All of these things are hard. But, mind you! One of our biggest mistakes is that we don't give ourselves enough time to process what has happened, so the pain of the loss offers us an illusion of those visible mistakes that hadn't been the cause.
The more we ponder, the more we blame then the more we energize the wound. May the lord heal you.
Well done dear Jose. I know it has really been hard, I see you're pondering more on it. Please try to free your mind and stay happy, yeah. You still have a long way to go
I am really glad with the stand that you have taken - to keep going and continue healing. Dwelling on the past, blaming others and keeping grudges is quite detrimental to your health, mentally and physically too. Time will heal your wounds and one day you will look back and be proud of how you handled the whole situation. Continue staying strong in this difficult moment, thank you for sharing :}