The value for family: lesson learned from my late uncle Adams

I really can't give accurately the number of friends and even relatives that I have; however, I have quite a number that are dear to me, and as the sting of death is, it has deprived me of their presence. I am the type to mingle well and easily get into your good books, except otherwise. Thus, despite the high number of people I am friends with and love, personally, I have only a few that I consider close.

I didn't have a rich uncle or aunt, and in fact, I preferred to stay monogamous to polygamous, even though the latter was the case for our family. We have lost a few in the family—stepmom and stepsister—but the most hurtful and impactful for me was the loss of my uncle, Mr. Adams, in September last year, 2023. Unfortunately, the news of his death came at a time when I was indisposed health-wise and could barely help myself. It was a rude shock, painful, and one that made my heart beat fast and erratic.

LATE UNCLE ADAMS

Uncle Adams and I were relatively closest among my siblings, as far as I could tell. He and my dad were not on the best of terms, but secretly, I communicated with him and enjoyed the Uncle or Daddy role during the few times we had encountered each other. I remember we used to enjoy his coming around often when I was much younger, in my early decade of life, and Uncle Adam would come with mints as gifts to us. You can't blame kids for taking gifts, especially money that is minted. I knew he made efforts to correct his wrongs with my dad, but for some reasons, I don't think that came to futility.

My communication with Uncle Adams heightened in 2015 when I approached him while I was in school and reminded him of our relationship. We had been cut off for years. We began to communicate often, and his wife also became someone I related to, both as a doctor and as a nephew to her husband. Uncle Adams was a different person from the picture painted for me. He was kind and open to listening. He showed concern about different spheres of my life, and for the first time, I had an uncle who cared and was willing to listen and advise.

I was in my clinic sometime in 2019 when an intending couple walked in to run pre-marital investigations like a pregnancy test, and I was only surprised to know that the lady was an adopted daughter of Uncle Adams. Of course, the tests were done as they should be, but they got some waivers and even had their results transmitted to the requesting church early enough. Eventually, when I showed up at the wedding, my uncle was all welcoming. I felt loved and accepted and wanted to spend more time with him (I wish I did, though), but duty called. Despite the busy activities of the wedding ceremony, my uncle Adams spared a moment to share some words with me, and the best of them was that 'I should hold family tight'.

Though I am careful when relating to family, especially when they are extended, there is a rule I developed from my uncle's conversation, which is to give preference to family. Over time, for people closest to me, my main stressor has been family and friends, but for the family, I do get stressed willfully and happily, knowing that my services are appreciated and within the family. I have always known men in society to reflect a giving and available role to outsiders and strangers, but the reverse is the case for me. _{I'd rather damn the world and satisfy my family than do otherwise.}

And yet again, the pangs and sting of death are painful and difficult to bear, but deep within our subconscious is a reminder of the impacts that our loved ones had on us while they lived. And perhaps, continuing the legacy in their memories. The time I spent with Uncle Adams wasn't much, but every bit of it was impactful.

Thank you for reading. I would love to have your comments and contributions.