Thoughtfully, Aimlessly

Sometimes we find an outlet for our emotions. A way to set ourselves free through our words. Because sometimes it feels like there’s a myriad of emotions, swirling and bubbling within us. Sometimes it’s something we can tame. Sometimes it’s a little bit more uncontrollable. Sometimes we store it in so deep and for so long that it begins to eat us inside. Because at the end of the day, everything we do and feel starts from our minds. A thought forms and emotions weave into it. And then we begin to ponder. Sometimes it feels like a solution is inevitable after our ponderings and wonderings. But other times, after thinking and musing and wishing and reminiscing, we end up feeling hollow. Like there’s no end to the deeply fletched misery we feel inside.

We tell ourselves everyday that we’re strong and that when challenges come, it’s nothing we haven’t faced before. But sometimes, when said challenges come and even when it’s something we’ve faced before, we’re utterly incapable of sorting through our feelings and fathoming why it feels so hard to scale through. So, we search for our protective outlets. The things we turn to when it gets too hard to breathe and it feels like the world is caving in on us. The walls are becoming narrower and even though it may be mostly paranoia, it doesn’t change the turmoil raging through us.

We turn to our faiths and the anchors we trust to keep us safe. Or we turn to nature and allow the elements that keep us afloat guide us away from our misery. Or we turn to people, the people we call our people and try to draw strength from them. When the challenges that arise are ones that make us need people, isn’t it way better than the ones that need us to be away from them? So we just have ourselves and whatever battles we face, they would have to be fought by us. I think those are the toughest challenges, anyway. The ones that make us unable to communicate and let loose with the people we love.

There’s one thing that has been sure in every turmoil we face. In every bone-jarring and mind-raging challenge we go through. That the buzzing euphoria when we finally overcome them would be sublime. When we finally overcome these challenges, we'll leap for joy and let the emotions wash over us in a dance but there would be other times when we finally overcome, that we'll feel absolutely numb. And we say to ourselves, “So, it’s finally over?” Tears may flow then, or maybe nothing at all. But in any of these situations, the peace is undeniable. And even as we brace up for the next challenge, we can’t stop saying, "I'll be ready then.”

I’m not sure exactly why I started these ramblings in the first place. Perhaps it’s because I’ll always see my words as the only outlet to set myself free or perhaps it’s none of that, and I just have a wry sense of humour. Either way, I hope everyone who reads this finds peace in their hearts. Today or tomorrow.

Jhymi🖤

_{Image is mine.}