In That Moment...

It hurt.

Seeing that beautiful sense of love and brotherhood among my male classmates. I was jealous and always sad seeing it displayed in the biggest and the most minutest of ways. And no, it wasn’t because I hated the fact that they always seemed to show support to one another even when they weren’t directly buddies or hung out, it was because it was one phenomenon that was always absent with my female classmates.

I knew that it wasn’t really our fault for the most part and we were just built to be subconsciously competitive. But I believed in a world where even though we weren’t all besties, we’d support ourselves, defend each other in the other’s absence, and not tear ourselves down with our words. But it just wasn’t like that. They were cliques and even inthose cliques, there was subtle rivalry and masked spite. And I thought to myself, would it ever be possible for us to let go of all those disagreements and rancour and be one, just for once?

It never happened though. And I wishe I had something historic and heroic to share but it was something else. What unites two ladies than when both are in a similar predicament or they have a common enemy? In my case, it was the former.

It was the holidays but the policy of the school demanded that all those in their final years of high school stay back in school and study instead of going back home as they didn’t want the stellar academic records of the school to be tarnished. And so we stayed. And I don’t know if I ever mentioned but my high school was patriarchal in the sense that there was a lot of favouritism towards the guys. A lot of rules and things that happened generally, favoured guys and till date, we didn’t know why.

So, on this day, I can’t exactly remember what we did but we were punished for something. It was actually supposed to be a general punishment but the guys found a way to wiggle out of that punishment and left us to face it alone. It was a private school and really massive, with scores of trees and leaves falling every time. As it was the holidays, everywhere was practically in disarray. Floors to sweep and places to scrub.

We’d had punishments together in the past but there was something about this one. Maybe it’s cause we were finally tired of the way we were being treated in the school or maybe it was just a moment of liberation and connection that the situation granted us. But I’d never seen us so inhibited. In that moment, there were no cliques, no disgruntlement towards ourselves, I could mentally feel our guards coming down.

We talked and we laughed while we worked. We reminisced about our freshman years and all the things we faced. Playfully mimicked those who were crybabies at that time and how annoying it usually was. No surprise at all, I was one of them. It was a moment of camaraderie like no other. Girls who were joined by unlikely circumstances, bonding and teasing and gossiping _{about the anomaly called guys.}

It was a beautiful moment and I was so scared willing the time to stop still and hoping the moment would last forever. Contrary to what I thought, the camaraderie didn’t end there. After that, there was this subtle but firm protest against the discrimination we faced. In those few days we worked together, devising plans and strategizing means to let the school authorities see how we felt. We weren’t successful in that feat but that wasn’t the focus. At least the fact that we weren’t successful didn’t bother me. I was still stuck in the euphoria of working together. Of the camaraderie that existed just once in all my years there.

After that time, everyone was back to their own thing, retreating into their shell, back to their cliques. But we’d become closer. There was this lingering sense of connection cause of it. Something we didn’t admit aloud but were all aware of. That brief moment of camaraderie was treasured and still is.

Jhymi🖤